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  1. Yesterday
  2. Freight Train cracked his skull and then apo tried to kill him but regen did its job. Once. I had a turn with five ones today. There were 11 non ones but four of them were my armor break after a failed dodge. Then a troll rerolled dub skulls and the murder started, and regeneration stopped. Luckily the good guys were still able to go up 2-1. With four thralls, an equal number of legends and a wizard we were able to pull off enough fuckery to keep orcs from scoring and walked out with our first win today.
  3. md3 gif explained: high elf loss 3-4 reroll pickups turn 1 but really fun game gif
  4. Hi, I'm new and would like to sign up, if able.
  5. orcaHow: How-to instructions you can trust* *but probably shouldn't You think you know how to do best cage dive? WRONG (PROBABLY) Some players like fancy dodging or break-tackle-dodging or leaping or sidestepping or wizarding... but these are not best options BORING Some players like throwing teammates or bombs... LESS BORING BUT STILL NOT BEST There is only ONE true BEST method HAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! BANG! CRASH! THUMP! AHAHAHA!
  6. Last week
  7. MD1 - vs Ghoulish Goons coached by @Tys123 Sekh the Incalculable sat admiring his shiny new scrying device. The old one had totally stopped working, rendering it useless for storing images of Sekh's Machines games and also delaying Sekh's important... research... into the latest embalming techniques for those naughty naughty mummies... In any event - the new scrying device seemed to be working well, although there were still some little quirks he had yet to completely work through when it came to using it for communications. Sekh's thoughts snapped back to his task - Hmm yes, the game. This season's first match was against Undead coached by a particularly notorious necromancer, even by the very... liberal... standards of bloodbowl coaches. He was known for actively encouraging his players to kill the opposition through fouling. In the previous game against this team in an earlier season though, the Goonshad surprised the Khemri players by actively pursuing the ball, and had handed Sekh's Machines a humbling defeat as a consequence. This would have to be a carefully considered match. Sekh knew too that the so called Ghoulish Goons had several extremely impressive players - a wight who was as strong and as agile as a vampire, a fast ghoul and a very agile ghoul. The only real weakness Sekh could see was that the undead had few guards, so perhaps Sekh's Machines could leverage this for some additional hits. The undead had a very skilled killer wight and two mummies as well though, and with no rostered player capable of really delivering savage blows to downed players anymore either, Sekh's Machines could easily lose a brawl with this team. Perhaps then a thoughtful, considered approach was called for... Sekh turned to his minions and called "Gare..." Damn! There he went again! Why did he always start inadvertently calling Gareth's name?! Growling in irritation, Sekh corrected himself "Fetch my wizarding wand - I have some practicing to do!" Sekh then intoned a mystical incantation to call up a communication portal with the Goblin Referees Association - a small donation might help things along... After several failed attempts to reach them, which included accidentally contacting the Goblin Retirees' Association; Sekh's elderly aunt (who kept him on the line for several hours as she complained that he never contacted her these days) and a small restaurant in Middenheim specialising in cuisine from Cathay; Sekh finally got through to the Goblin Referee's Association. The line was a bit garbled, but after a while Sekh was confident he had made them understand that he was paying a hefty bribe and expected his team to be ignored if they 'accidentally' stepped on any of the Goons during the game. "Ok boss!" Said the Goblin representative finally "We no send off any fouling skeletons!" Sekh smiled as he closed the connection - what could possibly go wrong? So the first match would be against the Ghoulish Goons, Undead coached by @Tys123 - who is famous for not only a top shelf fouling game but also a very strong record of wins. His team had some extremely nice players too - a total star AG4 ST4 Wight and a couple of very nice Ghouls which meant his team had the capacity to really threaten the opposing ball carrier and move the ball around on offence too. Combined with the very strong fouling game, a scary killer Wight and two Mummies, this team could both bash and dash very effectively. I would need to try and fight hard, but not go so fully into a melee that I left the ball exposed or gave up too much green space for the undead to play into. All in all a tough assignment and one that I felt a balanced inducements package of a wizard, a bribe and a babe would suit best. First Drive The Undead won the toss and elected to receive, no doubt hoping to start punching right away. A Perfect Defence kick-off result allowed Sekh's Machines to position their guards opposite some ST3 Goons, which meant they would have to rely on a red-dice block to make any real headway... So that's how it's going to be eh? The double-pow wasn't the only combination that would've knocked down my Tomb Guardian of course, it was simply the most enraging result that had my tomb guardian knocked down, and allowed the Goons to blitz down Sekh's Doll, my shiny new block Tomb Guardian, and them foul him. If that wasn't bad enough though, this was just the start of a fairly epic run of fouls from the Goons over the next four turns... With 4 removals from 5 fouls, and no send offs, Sekh realised something had gone badly awry... Those idiots at the Goblin Referees' Association had obviously been confused about which skeletons they were supposed to ignore when it came to fouling! The Goons fouled left and right and Joker, the Goons' killer Wight removed a Skeleton as well. By Sekh's Machines' T4 it was time to try something drastic. Sekh even took the a desperate step and summoned powerful mystical energy to rain destructive fire down upon a crowd of Goons who had gang-fouled Impohtehnt the Blitz-Ra, but only managed to remove a single undead Skeleton. Finally though, Sekh's Contraption the Tomb Guardian blitzed up off the ground to strike a mighty, if extremely clumsy, blow against the Goons' best Mummy... It took a both down to do it, and the Mummy regenerated, but Sekh's Machines finally made a removal. This Goons took advantage of their numerical superiority to break down the totally open left flank and screen their ball-carrier, but the removal of the Mummy seemed to signal a change in fortunes as Sekh's Machines then KO'd a Ghoul and Sekh's Contraption followed up his earlier big hit with another fine blow... This one didn't regen... The Goons didn't slow their fouling at all however, and when the Goblin referee finally started spotting some of their more obvious fouling, two of the Goons' Skeletons were sent off in rapid succession, including one particularly reckless foul which left the ball-carrier Ghoul open when the foul caused a turnover... Sekh's Pistol, although new to the team, has already gained a reputation for his amazing sack... After a lucky pow took down the Ghoul, the Goons had lost their chance to score, so they naturally decided to retreat in good order and definitely did not engage in one last egregious T8 foul... oh wait, yes they did... Sadly this one didn't regen either... and given that was my guard Skeleton, it was a real kick in the nuts, literally AND figuratively... So Sekh's Machines had stopped the score, but between the fighting, fouling and send offs, there were only 11 players left on the pitch... in total! Second Half: Given almost every player had regeneration though, it was still 10 Sekh's Machines against 11 Goons and Sekh's Machines were soon able to even things up... Ha-Dhas Fuhk was having one of his typically strong performances... The Goons were crafty opponents though and after a turn or two of back and forth, were able to spot a gap in Sekh's Machines' line only protected by a single Tomb Guardian. They blitzed through with a Mummy and applied heavy pressure to the ball... There are few things less pleasant than a mummy applying pressure on your balls... In reply though, Khemri were able to use a special move known as 'The Jaws of the Sphinx" (otherwise known as a desperate gamble of a recovery play) - the result being that a number of the Goons were effectively trapped between the guard Tomb Guardians... The move is also known as a 'Khemri Sandwich'.... not to be confused with a 'Khemri Sandwedge' which is generally used in Khemrian high-schools on the nerdier Necrotects... The tricksy Goons were able to dodge their talented Ghouls around for a 1d on the ball, but were unlucky when their wrestle, tackle Ghoul was only able to push Sekh's Aide the Throw-Ra up against the Goons star Wight, who then knocked himself down with the follow-up red-die attempt. This gave Sekh's Machines the opportunity to break up the left flank, with most of the Goons trapped or knocked down... With only two players left on their feet, the Goons did well to mark up the Machines, but it was desperate stuff.. Sekh's Machines were able to bring the ball back into the middle and keep it well protected, forcing the Goons to use their ST4 star Wight to bust is way into marking the ball carrier while their few remaining players tried to set up a screen between Sekh's Machines and the endzone. The Goons' Mummy then KO'd itself in a tussle with a Tomb Guardian, leaving the Goons with few options to try and stop the Khemri cage. This was the second time Sekh's Machines got lucky with both down results against a Mummy... Sekh's Doll blitzed and stunned the star wight down and the cage rumbled forward. In a final desperate play, the Goons' AG4 Ghoul, thanks to a successful Zombie dodge, managed to try and 1d the ball-carrier, but failed to get the straight pow she needed. Ha-Dhas Fuhk stepped up and delivered the ultimate in retribution on the return punch... If only Batman had a sidekick called Ha-Dhas Fuhk, instead of 'Robin'... Sekh's Doll then once again blitzed in and knocked away the marking Zombie, allowing Sekh's Aide to run in the winning touchdown! An outcome that looked very unlikely on T4... Final Score 1-0 to Sekh's Machines! Conclusions: This was a very tough game and one that I had almost given up on halfway through the first drive - the Undead were extremely successful with their removals, allowing them to dominate the opening. The dice turned though and my opponent also revealed later that he is focused on rebuilding his team this season and winning the fouling trophy rather than trying to you know, score touchdowns and such... so watch out if you are facing him later this season!! It did mean that he fouled when he should have scored on T7 which was what really saved the score for me and with the removals suddenly reversing direction and staying that way for the rest of the game, I was able to squeak over the line. I think the key lesson is to never completely throw in the towel, but also don't try plays that are too reckless to try and swing things back - for example my killer was fouled off because I desperately piled on when I really should not have and it just made things worse! Losing the guard Skeleton was tough too - I will need all the guard I can get in coming match-ups, so hopefully I can level a Tomb Guardian or get another doubles on a Skeleton before we come up against the orcs or chorfs.... Kislev next though!
  8. Thanks!! So I should (checks notes from game) keep getting crazy good dice... Hmm- sounds like a good plan!! ....Also - you did win the game so it seems I'll need more than bloody good removal dice to have a chance. Seriously though - thanks and that really is high praise indeed coming from a Khemri coach pro such as yourself! I seriously doubt I can even make it into the Championship but playing Khemri at this level is fun in a different way. Trying to keep the TGs alive and the team viable is, as you know, a 'fun' challenge' all by itself!
  9. i personally find it a bit easier to keep the team blog going when i switch style in how i write it. otherwise i would have stopped several of the team blogs a lot earlier than i did. but in the end, it should be fun writing stuff :)
  10. Keep playing khemri that way and you will deserve a shot on the occ title Go khemri go!
  11. Afternoon. We currently have 56 coaches signed up to this. We currently have a ceiling of 64...although we are able to request more - but no guarantees. So long story short, if you are hoping to attend, get your name down in the thread on TFF (immediate payment not required). Grab one of the remaining 8 definite spots.
  12. I HATE that they no longer have the same stats
  13. I've got a fluff award for ya! Happy fluff day :)
  14. Better late than never... have another fluff award for your second season!
  15. It's tough keeping blogs going when the in-game action isn't fun. Hope to see you back in action!
  16. Complete dice fuck yet again. I'm done after this season. multiple triple 1s while my vamps get injured every other hit. 2 regens from 6 over the 2 games so far. both major but still.... fuck this game RNG
  17. They are much worse out of the box though, which is a good thing for res tournaments.
  18. orcaHow: How-to instructions you can trust* *but probably shouldn't Hey there my fellow young coaches! It's your fellow hip and happening Coach Nurgle McEasyMode here, to give YOU the low down and step by step on what makes blood bowl the sport of kings and grants you ALL of Nuffle’s red delights – CPOMB! In 5 Easy steps! So to start teaching YOU the one bowl technique that makes life worth living… lets start at the top. One - C means you ‘Cee-ing’ the lucky opposing player that you are going to send to Valhalla! Two - P means Rick with a silent P – is what you want to hear the other coach say as he realises his ball niggled ball carrier is within ranged of your blessed Chorf Blocker/Pes8gor/Nurgle Warrior/Mino/Beast of Nurgle! Three - O means Of course you are going to pile on the Niggled player ;rst! And posi8on your players so that in the unfortunate result that CPOMB only results in a stun! You have the gang foul set up nicely Four – M stands for MUTHAFLIPPER! See P – this is what you want to hear as the APO roles DEAD DEAD Five – B stands for BANZAII! The perfect war cray as you decide to PILE ON TO GO AGAIN!!! So there you have it, my fellow aficionados of blood bowl as Nuffle meant it to be Played! And remember, whatever else you do on the pitch. Don’t be…
  19. md2 gif explained: high elf 2-2 due to throw in and failed one turner gif
  20. I played with 6 players a lot of the game and still managed to tie (not a win) thanks to a gfi in the end zone. Things are looking up! your thralls are more developed than mine, Bobsol.
  21. Impressive stars. That's one hell of a rough game. I myself am just struggling hard with new vamp team in its second season. I'm so sick of not have blodge and tackle. It's killing my spirit to play to be honest. @LordJair "If i can stop throwing away games I might have a chance of not coming bottom this season!" That's a rough line. I feel you.
  22. Earlier
  23. I also love that they finally not all have the same boooooooring stats. Finally someone with Move 7 and ST4. Love it
  24. Sekh the Indifferent stared down at the lifeless corpse of his minion Gareth - the Chaos Warrior had not left much of Gareth's face intact, and it was generally agreed amongst the necrotects and other servants that this was a fairly substantial improvement – Gareth had never been known as a ‘looker’ and had in fact been mistaken for a particularly hideous gargoyle on more than one occasion. Unfortunately though the facial rearrangement had come at the cost of Gareth’s life – he was indisputably dead... like really dead. As Sekh regarded his erstwhile minion, he was surprised to note an odd sensation somewhere in his chest cavity. Approximately where his heart used to be. Hmm – probably a side effect of his recent incantations and international travel. A soothing beverage of jackal blood and scarab juice should set things aright. He started to call out - "Gare-"... Dammit. That's right - Gareth was dead. Why did he keep starting to call out for him? Gareth, as even his closest friends ... polite acquaintances ...colleagues who had no choice but to tolerate him would admit, was very annoying at the best of times. He had a peculiar capacity for buggering things up too - a number of times Sekh had taken out a mystical object of great value and power out of storage only to find that Gareth had damaged it whilst 'cleaning'. He was fairly certain Gareth was the one responsible for the damage to his scrying device. ...and yet... he couldn't help but feel how unnaturally quiet the pyramid had been lately... previously he could almost always hear Gareth busily rearranging things that didn't need it, or regaling some of the other minions with his frankly ridiculous claims about how he would be a great tomb king himself one day or his high-pitched giggling floating up from the prison as he practised his 'boot to testicle resuscitation' techniques which he had so frequently used to try and ‘assist’ downed opposition players. It felt... odd that he was no longer there. Being irritating. Hmm - what was this awful sensation Sekh was experiencing?! That last incantation was clearly upsetting his mystical flows – that MUST be what was causing this heavy sensation in his chest and a strange sting in his eyes. Sekh decided he needed a distraction to shake off his lassitude. Sekh sighed - in an of itself a feat for a being that technically no longer draws breath. "Someone fetch me the team reports for next season. I want to see what we are up against." So only two seasons in and Sekh’s Machines are already in Tier 2! While I would love to boast that this was a clear sign of superlative coaching on my part, the rapid rise of the Machines has been a touch more rapid than I would’ve liked – starting in Tier 4 and just barely scraping enough adequate results to keep being promoted has meant they have gone into almost every single match they have played as the underdogs. Some teams love playing down TV and can make excellent use of inducements – Khemri…. Eh… Wizards are always excellent, but Khemri are one of those teams who lack much ability to steal the ball if an opposing ball carrier has been bolted. What has been more useful are bribes, and in the eternally important bash contests that characterise much of the game at this tier, fouling can be one way lower TV bash teams can try to keep up… so it’s a big bummer that Gareth, my dirty player skeleton met his untimely end. I’ll have to revive – or replace – him as a matter of priority. So let’s take a look at this season’s match-ups and see what our chances might be! MD1 - Ghoulish Goons coached by @Tys123 Undead 1890TV This was a team that handed Sekh's Machines a thorough drubbing when they met in Sekh's Machines' first season, and they had only one mummy for the match-up to boot. A very bashy team with a very competent coach who loves to win fouling contests. Sekh's Machines should have a guard advantage though and might be able to bully the undead a little, but would need to be very wary of the potential for casualties either from blocks (especially from the Goon’s killer wight) or fouling. The Goons also have a lovely AG4, ST4 wight and an AG4 ghoul which could be trouble if the game becomes all about the ball. MD2 - Jimi's Leaping Avengers coached by @Mongloom Kislev 2090TV Sekh's Machines have already faced a surprisingly high number of Kislev teams given how rare they usually are - and have found them extremely difficult to deal with. They are especially so when the Kislev are at a much higher TV (as this team is) and cause my Khemri all sorts of trouble keeping the ball safe. Jimi's Leaping Avengers are equipped with plenty of guard too, so sacking the ball will be a constant threat! Of interest, the last time Mongloom and I met in OCC, he was coaching Khemri and I diced the hell out of him... I expect him to use his expert knowledge of Khemri to help him extract revenge! The have a very competent killer and plenty of guards, so I need to be cautious of not losing a key player as things could easily spiral out of control if that happens. MD 3 - Heisemer Boyz coached by @Leman_X_Russ Orcs 1970TV Representing one of the three really hard bash teams in this division, Heisemer Boyz benefit from having some extremely well developed Black Orcs (including a Blodgestepper!). This is unusual as at this TV, as orcs usually struggle to keep their BOs alive. An AG4, MV7 blodge blitzer, a frenzy POMBer a dirty player and 5 guards make this team a threat to opposing players and the ball alike. Honestly I am struggling to see what edge Sekh’s Machines could have over these greenskins – at least we should have some decent inducements to try and even things up a little. This might be a game where we focus on trying to keep our players alive as the primary goal and aim for a win as a secondary focus… MD 4 – Serial Sinkers coached by @Crunky Chops Vampires 1980TV Vamps are always an odd sort of opponent – at low TV they often as not murder themselves, leave the pitch in droves and let you waltz down the field, punching AV7 thralls for SPP on your way to a lazy TD. At this sort of TV though they are a constant pain in the neck (ba-dum tish!) – and several of these highly developed stat-boosted vamps also have the Pro skill, reducing their reliance on rerolls and allowing them to pull off elf BS that leaves the elves in the dust! Three blodgesteppers means you have to think carefully about throwing blocks at all sometimes too as having an AG4 ST4 menace slipping through your ranks can cause all sorts of headaches. Perhaps the Norse who face these vamps the week prior will do some damage and make life a little easier? Probably not – this could be a match where we concede rather a lot of TDs… even so, hopefully they won’t do much damage to the team itself and either way all those AV7 thralls may still offer some shots at garnering SPP through casualties. MD 5 – Necro Machine coached by @PointBlank93 Necromantic 1880TV An old stable-mate of Sekh’s Machines, this will be the third time our teams meet in three seasons. Each time so far, Sekh’s Machines have had very generous removal dice and Necro machine has had trouble keeping players on the pitch. Their MB wolf, an AG4 Ghoul, a blodgestepping AG4 wolf and some nice wights give this team a lot of options though and plenty of potential to remove my players or pinch my balls (er… steal the ball I mean). If I can leverage my strength advantage I might be able to bully them a bit, but it is a tactic that can backfire badly against a team with several guards and claws… MD 6 – Hatricola Coached by @JJape Chaos Dwarfs 1830 TV Ah chorfs – everyone’s favourite! These chorfs are properly scary too with a clawpomber, 5 guards and two dirty players, so plenty of removal potential. Now that one of the bull centaurs has frenzy as well, the sidelines will also need to be carefully respected. Sekh’s Machines faced these chorfs before and were pretty lucky to scrape through for a draw. If we can do so again without losing any key players I will be very happy and count myself very fortunate. MD 7 – Wolverine Fielders, coached by @Duckwing Norse 2180TV Norse certainly look muscly, but these boys have the stats to back it up. A ST5 berserker a ST5 Ulf and a ST4 Lineman make this an insanely strong Norse team and a block Yeti and dirty player only add to their potential to remove opponents. Only one tackle and two guards are really the only tools this team lacks. A game against them looks like it may well come down to how quickly each side can remove the others’ players. At least the generous inducements we will be able to call on should help – an Igor and some babes will probably be wise choices! MD 8 – KROTEK RUNNERS, coached by @txlanhualpec High Elves 1570TV These High Elves are the only other team within 200tv of Sekh’s Machines in this division and don’t have many very developed players yet… what they do have though are two AG5 leaper catchers who were a constant threat to the ball when KROTEK RUNNERS and Sekh’s Machines met last season. While Khemri managed to win that encounter, it was really thanks to great removals and a lucky (and rash) wizard. I will need to be extremely careful about protecting the ball-carrier whilst trying to chip away at the elvish numbers. With no bench that might be a way (my only way?) to try and replicate last season’s success. MD 9 – Despized, Coached by @Zunk Orcs 2170 TV Bleh – if the other orcs were bad, this lot are even worse. No fewer that 7 guards to help the 8 mighty blows tear the opposition apart… at which point the two blodge blitzers (one of whom is AG4) will stroll in to collect the ball and wander off. Hmm – another game where I really can’t see how my relatively inexperienced Khemri can realistically compete. Another atrociously hard match that at least comes right at the arse end of the season. Maybe by the time this match rolls around the tier placings will be largely decided and we can afford to take a very conservative (from a player preservation perspective) approach. So - can Sekh's Machines continue to rise... or are they already at their fullest, most turgid point? Let's hope their fall is not a premature one!!
  25. They look good and probably better than the old zon long term. It depends what skill access they have. If both the blockers and blitzers have ST access then they have potential. Also Baleful Hex on Estelle is the best anti stalling abiliity in the game. Within 5 squares of the ballcarrier on turn 7 and they don't activate on turn 8 so can't score.
  26. Looks interesting. Losing starting blodge will definitely weaken them at TV1000, but at least they're more interesting now... https://www.warhammer-community.com/2022/09/27/speed-savagery-and-slipperiness-the-amazons-return-to-the-blood-bowl/
  27. Sekh the Incredulous stared down in dismay at the large altar he used as a desk in his study… it was strewn with half-completed match reports, the remains of several desiccated birds, a large stack of well-worn issues of “Embalmers’ Monthly” magazine and his large scrying device…. The one that now sported a large crack down one side of its’ crystalline surface. Sekh had already fallen well behind keeping his legions (legions I say!) of fans updated with reports of his team’s exploits – he had been called to distant lands to deal with issues only his mighty mystical powers (and willingness to work cheap) could handle. This had been interesting and mildly profitable, but it had interfered with the team’s training and game schedule and had left him precious little time to mystically embed his reports into the scrying device… which he had recently discovered was apparently damaged and had lost a number of images from his previous reports. Sekh had been less than impressed when he discovered this problem and despite having little to no moisture in their bodies some of the necrotects had actually blushed upon hearing several of the terms Sekh had used to express his disappointment – Nefertiti’s Necrotic Nipples being one of the milder curses he had invoked. Disillusioned, disheartened and disgusted Sekh had considered tossing it all in, but it irked him that his experiment of coaching a team, analysing his own performance and reporting on it would end so soon. So he steeled himself to provide at least a summary of the team’s remaining games in their second season and despite being notoriously tight-fisted (‘Tighter than a scarab’s sphincter’ was the phrase the necrotects used when they thought he was out of earshot), he considered the purchase of an actual proper scrying device… rather than the free one he had found in an old tomb… And so it was that Sekh picked up his stylus and hunched over another clean sheet of papyrus, marking down the latest chapter of the BloodBowl Team known as Sekh’s Machines…. So apologies to all of you (both of you? Especially you, Mother) who have been following this blog – my work required me to travel halfway around the globe for a while there and I was genuinely flat out just keeping up with my games. I had planned to do catch up reports but was pretty bummed when I found that imgur seems to have somehow deleted a number of the images from my previous match reports. I will look into shelling out some actual cash for a commercial service to see if I can fix this, but I want to at least provide written reports and keep trying to breakdown my own coaching for fun and profit! Well… fun anyway… Below then are summaries of the remaining matches of season 26 – Sekh’s Machines’ second season. MD 4 vs Circus Cirkor Bloodbowl, 2130tv Kislev coached by @tubragg Sekh’s Machines’ first ever game was a drubbing they received from a much higher TV troupe of Kislevites and going into this match 750TV down didn’t look promising at all. The Kislevites chose to receive and scored early on their drive, thereafter settling happily into their favoured role of aggressive defence. Sekh’s Machines’ first half offensive drive started poorly with totally ineffective LOS hits followed by a double bribe fail that saw Gareth (Sekh’s Machines’ resident Dirty Player) leave the field. This also left the deeply kicked ball still on the ground… so all in all a Kislevite wet dream. The leapers surged in, threatening the ball and forcing Sekh’s Machines to pick up with Ha-Dhas Fuhk the blitz-ra who actually managed the pick up and scrambled back into something resembling a cage. A string of successful leaps though saw a successful sack on the ball and Kislev were able to screen and stall out until turn 8. 2-0 to the circus at half time. The second half threatened to go poorly for Sekh’s Machines as the first, with Kislev tying up the Tomb Guardians near the halfway line whilst threatening to steal the ball deep in Khemri’s half. After much scrambling Kislev popped the ball free again, but a wizard’s lightening bolt and a snaked Kislev dodge combined to allow Sekh’s Machines to recover the ball and run forward, completing an unlikely hand-off to a tomb guardian who sprinted for the Kislev endzone. Sadly the fairy-tale consolation of a TG touchdown was cruelly ended by a snaked GFI. But because Nuffle is a capricious sod at the best of times, he couldn’t let the Kislevites off without a blood payment. So the dice decreed that Impohtehnt the blitz-ra would manage a very late game murdering of Kislev’s own killer blitzer, ending their game long duel in decisive fashion. 2-0 to Kislev at fulltime. Conclusions: Kislev, especially at high TV, are a huge problem for Khemri to deal with. It is next to impossible to keep the ball safe if you can’t get it into a cage with guard corners. Some games like this are just bloody hard work and perhaps concentrating on grabbing SPP, especially on key players, is the best that can be hoped for from such match-ups. MD5 vs High Flying Potential, 1580TV Kislev coached by @Lagerbon Yay… more Kislev! These leapers were starting to establish themselves as a real pain in the pyramid – at least the TV difference was only 200 this time, so the lower level of development should mean Sekh’s Machines might be more competitive. Things started well for Khemri too, with the opening blitz putting Kislev’s ST4 blitzer out with a niggle. The kick was so deep though it was actually in the Khemri endzone and Sekh’s Aide the Throw-ra, normally weirdly reliable, fumbled the pick-up leaving the ball on the floor. Kislev predictably surged forward, seeking to cut off the ball carrier from the rest of the team but Sekh’s Aide retrieved the ball and was able to double-GFI to safety. Sekh’s Machines began a slow grind downfield, keeping their guard pieces positioned to make a leaping sack less appealing. Kislev fell back to slow the Khemri advance, biding their time however and eventually striking on T6 just as my slow moving Khemri had finally made it over halfway. A 1d on the ball carrier left Sekh’s Aide KO’d and the ball bounced crazily between fumbling Khemri players before Gareth the Watcher made an unlikely catch to keep the ball in Sekh’s Machines’ possession. Sekh’s Machines surged forward, knowing the half would end soon – and Kislev tried a desperate attempt at sacking again but could only manage to red-dice and pushed Gareth backwards out of scoring range. Sekh’s Machines then punished the Kislevites, badly hurting one and chain pushing Ha-Dhas Fuhk into contact with a screening kislev catcher who he injured off the field as well. That opened enough space for Gareth to run forwards and hand off to Impohtehnt the blitz-ra who ran it in – Touchdown Sekh’s Machines! 1-0 to Khemri at half time. Hamstrung by now only being able to field 8 players for their offensive drive, High Flying Potential tried to push Sekh’s Machines right flank, aiming for a quick score. A risky 1d blitz that had to be rerolled left them with nothing though when the pass upfield went wide and Sekh’s Machines were able to recover the loose ball with Ha-Dhas Fuhk (Sekh’s Aide was still sleeping off his earlier KO). Sekh’s Device the Tomb Guardian then injured off the Kislev bear, leaving high Flying Potential even further down on players. The Kislevites managed to attempt a 1d sack on the ball, but could only roll a push. Gareth wasn’t so lucky – getting a niggle injury from a Kislev Blitzer that didn’t regen. Khemri rolled slowly down the pitch and despite Kislev trying numerous red-dice or 1d sacks from their st4 lineman, they weren’t able to pop the ball free. Another KO left only 6 Kislev on the pitch and so it was that Sekh’s Machines had the space to chance a greedy hand-off to a tomb guardian near the endzone. It failed, but Kislev’s last gasp hero play to try and retrieve the ball also failed and the game ended 1-0. Victory for Sekh’s Machines! Conclusions: We finally broke the Kislev curse – mostly thanks to getting the ball into the cover of a guard enabled cage and then getting lucky with removal dice to give Sekh’s Machines the numerical advantage. Nice – but hardly a reliable strategy to try and replicate in future Kislev match-ups! Still not completely sure how to handle Kislev – if they roll well it seems impossible to protect the ball. MD6 vs KRYOTEK RUNNERS 1690tv High Elves coached by @txlanhualpec These high elves are distinguished by having not one, but two AG5 catchers… both of whom had levelled in their prior match and now were both leaping blodgers… This meant Sekh’s Machines were once again facing opponents who could threaten the ball at almost any time they chose – another tough match for sure. Knowing that the Elves lacked any guard or mighty blow however, Sekh’s Machines elected to kick and set up much more aggressively on defence than they usually do, with a broad frontage designed to force the elves to rely on their new leapers or some dodges through multiple tackle-zones if they wanted to score fast. The elves obligingly committed heavily to one flank and then snaked their first ever leap to leave themselves awkwardly connected. Sekh’s Machines were able to punish this, removing two elves with solid punches while Setekh ran into the elvish half to threaten the ball. The elves tried to create space on the flank, but left one of the AG5 catchers in a surfable position – from which he was duly surfed (although sadly was unharmed by the experience), leaving only 8 elves on the pitch. In response the elves spread right out, managed to avoid any further losses and were able to fire a 10 square pass to the remaining AG5 who ran it in on T4. 1-0 to the KRYOTEK RUNNERS. Some elves returned from the sidelines, but not their kick piece, which meant the ball was more easily retrieved by Khemri on their offense and safely caged with guards on diagonal corners. This made a sacking attempt a real long shot, so the elves fell into column defence, determined to slow Sekh’s machines’ advance. KO after KO allowed Sekh’s Machines to grind forwards however, and by Turn 7 just six desperate high elves formed columns to block the Khemri advance. The wizard struck – bolting down a high elf catcher and allowing Ha-Dhas Fuhk to blitz the remaining elf out of the way. Sekh’s Aide made the double GFI required and Khemri had equalised! 1-1 at halftime. Only 8 elves made it back to the pitch for the second half, and despite the kicker not being one of them, the ball landed in the exact rear left corner of the Khemri endzone. Skeletons and desiccated undead shambled urgently back to try and cover the ball, but the out-numbered elves saw their chance and surged forward, blocking the LOS Khemri from their own backfield and marking as many other Khemri players as possible. Sekh’s Aide fortunately retrieved the ball and made it into a cage, the final cage corner relying on Setekh’s break tackle ability. A tomb guardian luckily injured off an AG5 catcher too, thinning the elvish numbers further. Tucked in the back corner of the Khemri half, the high elves still managed a 1d on the ball, using a reroll to sack Sekh’s Aide and pop the ball free. Without a reroll and with no spare AG5 player, the elves were forced to rely on a mere AG4 player to try and retrieve the ball which failed. Sekh’s Machines stunned two of the elves in return and retrieved the ball, caging up securely again and leaving the few standing elves with little chance at a sack. The remaining AG5 elf was able to attempt another 1d on the ball, but Sekh’s Aide’s blodge meant this was never likely to succeed and Khemri were able to roll forwards and reunite with their players near the LOS, allowing them to cage with guard corners again as they shambled slowly towards the elven endzone and scoring on T16. 2-1 to Sekh’s Machines! Conclusions: Facing another AG team cemented my thinking that removals and guards on the cage corners are the key for Sekh’s Machines in these match-ups. Removals are not a reliable strategy unfortunately, and trying too hard to kill opposing players can leave you out of position. Keeping players free to run back and help protect the ball (and keeping guards on cage corners) at least makes it harder for the AG teams to get away with their nonsense. I think I’ll try for set-ups that emphasise this in future match-ups against AG teams – of course if I fall behind anyway, then smashing them to bits is probably the only way back into the game (and if nothing else, will hopefully garner at least some SPP). MD7 vs Liverat ! OCC 1720TV Skaven coached by @Troy_Tempest High TV Rats - ewww... well perhaps my new 'anti-AG' tactics would come in handy? Starting on offense, and with my the rough strategy Sekh’s Machines are now adopting for trying to deal with AG teams, things opened quite well. Injuring a linerat out from the LOS, Sekh’s Machines were able to drop back and cage up with guards on diagonal corners. Unfortunately the rats got very lucky with a dauntless, double-GFI blitz on Ha-Dhas Fuhk, injuring him off and denying me my tackle blitz-ra for the whole game! Being in a guarded cage didn’t stop the rats trying to cage dive though – a bold attempt which was unsuccessful and left the gutter runner on the floor who was then fouled off the pitch by Gareth. The ref didn’t like what he saw, and Gareth left the pitch too. The hits kept coming for the rats though, who by turn 4 were down to 7 players (including one dead). Sekh’s Machines ground their way down the field, but the plucky rats kept up the cage dives, eventually getting lucky and knocking the ball free… whereupon it was caught by a tomb guardian! I was low-key delighted that the ball was now on a tomb guardian, and continued the slow movement towards the Rats’ endzone. An ambitious 3d red-die sack failed, but the rats once again got lucky on their T7 and knocked the ball out of the tomb guardians’ hands (dammit) but it was once again caught by a Khemri player! So it was that a lowly skeleton ran the ball in – 1-0 to Sekh’s Machines! Given the Rats had a natural one-turner though, the halftime result was by no means guaranteed… and when the kick-off resulted in a riot and an extra turn, the rats were well positioned to bring the score back to level. In spite of a wizard’s lightening bolt (which failed) and a pretty solid screen of Khemri players, the Rats’ one-turner indeed made all the rolls required and the score was 1-1 at halftime. The second half opened with the Liverat ! OCC patiently waiting for a chance to slip through the Khemri defence and screen their gutters. Sekh’s Machines did a lot of marking and punching, but failed to make any more rats leave the pitch and the gutters duly slipped past on T11. Sekh’s Machines applied enough pressure to make the rats score on T12, leaving the Khemri with a glimmer of hope of a draw. 2-1 to the rats. The Khemri drive needed to make haste down the pitch, but Liverat ! OCC’s deep bench ensured they were still able to field 11 players, helping them to block Sekh’s Machines’ progress. Lacking speed and with removals drying up, Sekh’s Machines were left with a desperate attempt to try and push forward but couldn’t make enough ground through the screening rats to place the ball in scoring range by T15. A last gasp play to try and dodge Impohtehnt the blitz-ra through the rats ranks and get into the endzone unsurprisingly failed and the game ended with the rats in the lead. 2-1 to Liverat ! OCC. Conclusions: In spite of the result I was reasonably pleased with how I played and how the game went. The wizard failure was unfortunate and potentially critical, as bolting down the gutter holding the ball would’ve have made blitzing and marking the remaining scoring threats a real option. Still, my own failure to push forward hard enough near the end of the game is what robbed me of a chance to draw, so I need to really appreciate just how slow Khemri can be, and how tough it can be to keep the tomb guardians unmarked and moving forward with the cage to ensure it doesn’t slow to a crawl. Khemri really are not good at scoring quickly! MD8 vs The Bedlam Bucks 1920TV Chaos coached by @Kunxion I’d been dreading this match-up all season. A chaos team with plenty of claw and mighty blow who had unfortunately also managed to get some guard pieces just prior to our match, removing what little potential edge Sekh’s Machines might have had in that regard. It was always going to come down to a slugfest between what are two bash teams, so Sekh’s Machines were happy to start on the offensive - however the initial hits failed to even break the armour of the three goats on the line and things immediately took a turn for the worse when Bedlam Bucks knocked out a Tomb Guardian with their first punch. A brief glimmer of hope shone through when Sekh’s Machines injured off a chaos warrior, but it was a false dawn and on T3 the forces of chaos tragically and permanently injured another Tomb Guardian. Things snowballed rapidly now that two tomb guardians were off the pitch and by T5 there were only 6 Khemri left when a third tomb guardian was gang-fouled off. A desperate spite fireball knocked down 5 chaos players but failed to break armour once. The final Tomb Guardian was removed on T 7 and a desperate long pass to Setekh, who had been left ignored on the ground in the backfield, unsurprisingly failed when Setekh dropped the ball. Chaos brought the Khemri player numbers down to just 4 and managed a long pass and hand off to score on T8. 1-0 to chaos at halftime. Unfavourable KO rolls left Khemri with just 10 players to start their defensive drive with – and only two of the critically important tomb guardians. When one more skeleton was removed from the Chaos LOS hits, Sekh’s Machines opted to try and reduce the risk of further permanent injury to the remaining players, consolidating on one flank and trying to snipe exposed goats - managing to injure off the chaos dirty player. Tragedy struck though when the return blitz by a chaos warrior killed Gareth outright and his regen roll failed. Sekh would have to pause and reflect long and hard about how to replace the annoying, perverse and cretinous minion... who he somehow strangely missed... Following Gareth’s tragic passing (I can still hear the pitter-patter of his little feet and he ran over to deliver a savage kick to the testicles of downed opposing players!) Sekh’s Machines moved right to one side, effectively conceding the TD to chaos. Bedlam Bucks took the offer and ran the ball in quickly, hoping to perhaps push for a third before the end of the game. 2-0 to Chaos. Sekh’s Machines KO rolls were again underwhelming, with Sekh’s Aide refusing to return to the pitch, but at least Sekh’s Doll the newest tomb guardian woke up, bringing the number of TGs on the pitch back up to 3. With the Chaos KO’s staying out, both teams had 9 players with which to play out the final drive. Sekh’s Machines second attempt at offense began much more promisingly, removing two goats with the LOS hits and blitz-ra Ha-Dhas Fuhk picking up the ball successfully first go. Khemri now outnumbered Chaos – but Bedlam Bucks responded cleverly by suddenly changing tactics – dodging their AG4 goat through Khemri lines to sack the blitz-ra! They used a reroll to do it though and the goat ended up on the ground too after he failed a GFI to try and secure the now loose ball. This left the Bucks’ warriors connected with the Machines’ tomb guardians, who took the opportunity to knock out one of the warriors and freeing up enough khemri players to gang-foul and KO the prone AG4 goat. Chaos had lost 4 players in two turns and couldn’t prevent Ha-Dhas Fuhk from recovering the ball and running down the pitch as the remaining Khemri grappled with the now out-numbered chaos. Ha-Dhas went over for a consolation TD on T16. Final score 2-1 to Chaos. Conclusions: I don’t know what possessed me to try and fight into Chaos in the first half the way I did. Looking back I could have been more conservative and tried to go after the weaker goats more than I did, moving up the pitch and forcing Chaos to react. As it was, when I stopped removing warriors (which happened VERY early!) I started losing players in droves and couldn’t keep up the fight. The dice were a bit unkind with Chaos garnering 19 armour breaks from just 32 blocks, but it was a good lesson to work harder to minimise contact when facing claw enabled opponents. Losing a guard TG and my dirty player skeleton made sure it was an expensive lesson! MD9 vs Chaos Metamorphoses 1710tv Chaos Dwarfs coached by @Eldryr Speaking of claw, the final match was against chorfs who had not only two claw/mb players, but one of them had piling on as well. Backed up by 4 guards (one of which was ST4 chorf) and a ST5 bull-centaur, this promised to be another scary match! Sekh’s Machines had been able to recruit a fresh tomb guardian and used the inducements to hire a dirty player and an Igor to try and keep casualties to a minimum. Unsurprisingly the chorfs chose to receive when they won the toss but Khemri skeletons proved remarkably resilient on this occasion, with thick skull keeping two of them on the pitch (albeit stunned). The extremely deep kick might have seen the chorfs fall back to protect their AG4 blodge hobgoblin ball-carrier, but instead they aggressively surged forward, using the ST4 blocker to assist the ST5 bull to punch down a tomb guardian. This was aggressive to the point of recklessness however, as these two key players were now essentially unsupported and Sekh’s Machines took the opportunity to knock down and foul the blocker, stunning it. The chorfs ambled forwards, and although they didn’t engage the Khemri line fully, the ST5 bull was able to KO the Khemri dirty player. Khemri punched back the exposed bull centaur though and fouled the beast, stunning it. Then a skeleton who had recovered from his earlier stun got up and dodged out to screen the rest of the team from the chorf claw/pomber. The chorfs brought the ball forward, but between the scrum their ST4 blocker and ST5 bull were engaged with and the partial skeleton screen, they couldn’t shield the ball-carrier with more than the remaining bull-centaur who was knocked sideways by a tomb guardian. Sekh’s Machines were then able to double mark the ball, including Ha-Dhas Fuhk who now had mighty blow to go with his tackle. The remaining chorf players were either prone, or marked by guards, forcing a desperate dodge to keep the ball safe. Ha-Dhas wasn’t far behind though and when another hobo failed it’s dodge to try and screen the ball, Khemri struck, knocking down the ball-carrier and using a push play block to pop a skeleton free from the scrum in the middle – he promptly fouled the hobo ball-carrier, stunning him. The chorfs responded by punching Ha-Dhas into the ball – whereupon it bounced off the prone hobo and into Sekh’s Aide’s hands! He took off down the pitch, but was pursued by the ST4 bull centaur who tackled him near the sideline. With the ball right on the sideline, the bull centaur made the fateful decision to try and scoop it up, failing and leaving him very, very surfable. Sekh’s Aide didn’t hesitate, surfed the centaur, retrieved the ball and scored on T8! 1-0 to Khemri! The understandably annoyed chorfs lined up for their defensive drive, but were shocked by the ferocity of Sekh’s Machines opening blocks – all three LOS blockers were injured off by blocks or a foul leaving the chorfs heavily disadvantaged. The chorfs ran their bulls around the Khemri front line, which had narrowed considerably as a result of the LOS blocks and gang foul, and marked what they could with their remaining players to try and pressure the Khemri into leaving the ball exposed. Luckily for Sekh’s Machines, Sekh’s Aide who had successfully retrieved the very deep kick, was able to run forwards safely enough once the tomb guardians had stunned a bull out of the way. When a hobo killed itself trying to dodge away from a TG, all the fight went out of the chorfs and they stopped contesting the drive, instead electing to hunker down near the sideline and protect their valuable players. This gave Sekh’s Machines the unusual luxury of time and space to move forward to the endzone comfortably and even handed the ball off the the Tomb Guardian Sekh’s Doll who amazingly managed to catch it and scored on T16! 2-0 victory for Sekh’s Machines! Conclusion: Some things I felt went very well this game were keeping the chorf clawpomber tied up with skeletons and the turn where I managed to effectively mark three chorfs and two bull centaurs with two guard tomb guardians and a skeleton – this really enabled me to pressure the ball and eventually force a turnover. A lot of it was luck of course – especially at the start of the second half when the chorfs lost 3 blockers right from the LOS. It was nice to finish the season on a positive note, especially following the deaths of some key players on MD8. Thins would only get harder though – the final record of 4-2-3 would be enough to promote the team again and tier 2 would be even more brutal... what horrors lie in store for Sekh’s Machines?!?
  28. Undead is a good match up. Slow, no claws. No fear: that is your ball!
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