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Remthar

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  1. So unfortunately over Christmas I learned I was going to have to move again just after I thought I was finally settled down, and its been sapping all my energy and is still not done. The team ended up winning 5B, and has generally been shaping up pretty well, but unfortunately I'm going to have to sit out next season as I don't have the time or focus for two leagues, let alone writing anythings, which makes me sad. :( Hopefully I'll be back in a few months.
  2. MD5 vs the Isla Nublar Warriors (Humans coached by Hubster) “...and back to sport! As viewers may be aware, broadcasts of the Great Green Heroes have been delayed in Urgrock due to the recent outbreak of war. Warchief Meklek the Hek’s popular plan of solving all of Urgrock Cities problems by declaring war on ‘Doz Zogging Orcs in da city ova da hill wot do fings wrong’ ran into immediate complications when it was discovered that the orc city on the other side of the hill was, in fact, also Urgrock.” “The fact that Urgrock city has a hill in the middle of it somehow escaped the Urgrock council of chiefs, so the city is now moving into it’s second week of total war against itself. Hostilities had been quieting, but have been reignited by the return of the cities bloodbowl fans from the teams away games.” “Sounds like things have been wild without us, Grug.” ”It hasn’t been boring, Luz. Just very, very stupid. I would also like to remind all viewers, again, that if you raid the TV station, I will change the entire programing to twenty-four hours non-stop Barney the Squigasaur repeats. So, how did the match go, Luz?” ”Well, we were up against Humans, Grug, and we all know they are small, weak, and rarely green. So the boys were expecting to cause a lot of damage.” ”HUMANS ARE SO UNIMAGINATIVE. THEY’RE JUST DOUBLE SIZE HALFLINGS. RIDICULOUS CONCEPT.” ”You said it, Dark Overcoach.” ”We start out kicking, and the humans play about a bit with the ball, dropping a little show off pass. They do have a wizard, so the boys are being careful and keeping an eye on him.” ”The humans are intimidated by our brilliant tactics--” ”Charge into contact boys!” ”-- and make a cowardly passing play to score quickly.” ”The kick on the Heroes drive goes wild, and Black Orc Minty receives the touchback! He doesn;t look happy about it…” ”But I don’t won't to hold da ball…” ”YOU WILL HOLD THE BALL WHEN I SAY, YOU WILL NOT HOLD THE BALL WHEN I SAY, YOU WILL SCORE WHEN. I. SAY!” ”How is this new ball handling regime working out for the team?” ”SHOUTING IS THE SOLUTION TO ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS. EXCEPT THE ONES THAT REQUIRES TREMENDOUS VIOLENCE OR TINY FUCKING KNIVES. IS THIS ONE OF THOSE PROBLEMS?” ”No…” ”Play continues, and Rok Ard piles onto Linesman Billy Brenhan, knocking him out. “The humans respond by roundly kicking the shit out of him! That’s a badly smashed hand, Rok Ard may be out of action for some time…” ”Ow! My clobering hand!” ”The team charges up the pitch, but the wizard sends out a fireball and… ”AHAHAHHAHAHA, FIREPROOF UNDERWEAR, BITCHES!” ”The Warriors are unable to touch Minty, and after he breaks through to the endzone, the teams just have a big, anemic brawl in the middle until he scores." ”Iz just not da same wizout da boss…” ***** ”After Halftime, the Heroes receive again. Without Rok Ard, the Heroes just can’t get fired up and do any damage! The humans swarm the cage aggressively, harassing Parakeet.” ”Eventually after a long, constant slog, one of the Black Orcs eats a human lineman whole, more out of a desire for comfort food than malice! But then disaster strikes!” ”WHAT THE SHIT, FERN?!” ”That wasn’t the Ogre folks, that was lone Blizter Dr. Lewis Dodgeson, hitting him uphill! Medical accuracy, right in the eye. He is not getting up quickly either, no matter how much the Dark Overcoach jumps on him!” ”I HATE TROLLS! AAARGHHH!” ”Eventually Parakeet has to make a run for it, but the Warriors fail a ciritial dodge through a tacklezone to hit him and he is able to score, ending the game 2-1 to the Great Green Heroes!” ”Congratulations to the team for their fifth victory this season, and to the mob outside the TV station, I wasn’t joking, back off!”
  3. I need to remember that teams other than elves, skaven and Kisliv are allowed to cage dive. I'd have to watch the replay to be sure, but I might have been able to make a tighter formation. The fatal mistake. Fun game anyway, and none of my fake elves are permanently dead. Good luck the rest of the season!
  4. Thanks man, you just joined the OFL as well right? I thought I recognized your name. Thanks Barristan! Good to hear from you again. I understand taking a rest from bloodbowl, I'm just back off of a very long break myself.
  5. Well there's never a shortage of Nurgle teams, so odds are good we'll be seeing him again
  6. Season 2 MD4 vs Forsaken Taint (Nurgle coached by Snowtroll) “And so Urgrock City’s own Great Green heroes continue their away game tour, supported by the Great Green Tide of fans! With all the most dedicated bloodbowl fans away from the city, Urgrock had been surprisingly quiet this last week!” “I’ve heard there has been a noticeable drop in the crime rate back home, Grug?” ”Yeah Luz, it’s down 300%. Public drunkenness is nearly non-existent, there are no brawls and the illegal boar chariot drag races have stopped completely.” ”Sounds really boring, Grug. But things sure aint boring out here in the chaos wastes! We’re meeting the disgusting nurgle team Forsaken Taint for this match, and I have to say I will never complain about the smell of Urgrocks stink pit again! Joining me for commentary in this match is Timmy the Nurgling! How are you doing, Timmy?” ”Great, Mr. Luz! I’m just doing great, it’s a lovely slimey day out here in the wastes, the clouds are bubbling, the hills are oozing and we have so many new friends out here to play with us!” ”The teams are setting up, and the Great Green Heroes are reciving. I understand there was a problem with the teams Beast of Nurgle in the last match?” ”Yeah there was a problem Mr Luz! He died! But thats okay, because the team was able to induce a replacement for this ma--” ”Oh dear, Pappy Nurgles gonna be mad with Mr. Nuffle again.” ”Does that do anything?” ”We’ll send out a plague of jockstrap itch. And Maybe give some elves a pimple or two?” ”Even the chaos Gods can’t do much against Nuffle, huh?” ”It’s okay, at least he regenerated. Our Nurgle boys start doing what they do best and get stuck in.” ”But no one get stuck in like an orc! With the big boost from the missing Beast, the Heroes start to slowly force their way through the oozy opposition! The Taints push into the Hero Cage, but Parakeet stays on his feet and the Taint lose more and more numbers to the K.O bin.” ”With Forsaken Taint No longer in much of a position to stop the score, they turn to feeding their fans instead! They push Mr, Minty into an awkward place by the sideline!” ”The Heroes turn it on them though, and Basil pushes them out in turn while saving Minty!” ”Dis Surfin business is alright! We gotta get more in on it!” ”Parakeet runs off from the cage like a coward, but is open to a dodging max distance blitz from a pestigor. Parakeet again manages to stay on his feet and scores!” ”But in the last moments of the half, Mr. Lord Cozrack, Nurgle Warrior, Knocks out Mr. Fern the troll! His claws haven’t really been working so far in this game, so he just hit him with a really big hammer instead.” ”AGAIN, BIG GUYS LEAD ONLY TO SUFFERING AND FAILURE! TROLL, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!” ***** ”With the score 1-0 in favour of the Great green Heroes, the Second Half begins! Forsaken Taint kicks, and with Fern still out, the Great green Heroes are down some valuable strength.” ”I don’t think your coach jumping up and down on his head helped Mr. Fern wake up…” ”I AM FILLED WITH MEDICINAL RAGE!” ”The Nurgle squad moves to the left side at first, but can;t find their way through until midway through the half when a series of stun allows them room to switch to the right.” ”Your guys captain seems to think he can fight our beast alone…” ”Don’t worry boyz! I have dis!” ”Forsaken taint now has a nearly open wing, with only one orc in range to do anything about it…” ”But that Orc is Captain Rok Ard!” ”WAAAAAUGH!” ”Rok Ard dodges away from his marker and takes down the ball carrier! They manage to recollect it, but Rok Ard takes them down again! The Taints are trapped and unable to get away with the ball!” ”Both teams fumble the ball and brawl in the middle of the pitch. Good game everyone! Except Mr. Nuffle of course, He’s just a meanie…” ”The match ends 1-0 to the Great Green Heroes!”
  7. Thanks Mongloom! Was sort of hoping the game was an omen for reality... It was not to be.
  8. So that was the secret to dealing with the humans bloody DT player. My mistake was noticing it before I rolled! I will know better in future
  9. nice job beating up some chaos, the way things should be
  10. Season 2 MD3 vs Broken Promises (Brettonians coached by @BigAshW) “...with the Urgrock city council election entering it’s fifth day, Scogbog the Og leads in on the BossPoll with his platform that all Urgrocks problems are caused by ‘Doz bloody elfz’, though Foklok the Kok is only just behind with his traditionalist stance that all Urgrocks problems are caused by ‘Doz zoggin’ Dwarves.” “But the Dark Horse Candidate Meklek the Hek is gaining ground on both establishment candidates with his policy of all Urgrocks problems being caused by ‘Those other Orcs in the next city over’, which is drawing wide support, because fuck those guys obviously. Wouldn’t you say, Luz?” “I sure would, Grug. Fuck all those Orcs in the city over the hill. They suck, talk weird and have bad food. Their Orcy values are questionable, they probably love dwarves and the passing game.” “Speaking of which, how is Parakeet?” “I HAVE BEEN TALKING WITH HIM AND WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LAST OF THIS PASSING NONSENSE.” “That’s good to hear, the Urgrock City PD was receiving complaints that it was ‘Corrupting the Yoofz’.” “So how’s things looking for the team, Luz? Our first away game!” “It sure is, Grug! I’m here in awful Bretonnia where it seems to be raining all the time. It’s a good thing the Team is supported by Urgrocks traveling supporters, the Great Green Tide!” The Great Green Tide Traveling to a game. ”WE HAVE TO GET THIS GAME PLAYED BEFORE THE BRETONNIAN ARMY SHOWS UP TO KICK US OUT.” “Joining me in the commentary booth for this match is local Brettinian Lord, Lyle de Gruyere. Lyle, why is there a horse in the booth with us?” “Where I go, so does Silvare.” *Happy Neigh!* “Lyle, despite the rain, your boys have opted to receive?” “If we waited for it to stop, we might be here for a very long time.” “Well the Heroes kick is shallow, and they for a well practiced perfect defence with precision and subtlety! “Charge into contact Ladz!” ”So I see. Well the ball bounces off the empty heads of a couple of peasants and lands in the wrong half of the field. A touchback! The proud sons of Brettonia advance on the left flank, pushing aside the weak orcs! As a black orc falls, Peasant Reese Mogg…” ”Stomps on him.” ”Sure this can’t be right, the chivalrous men of Brettonia would not… ”The ref seems to agree with me.” “Sir BoJo! I thought you paid him off!” “Of course I did, Peasant Mogg. I definitely did not just pocket the money and say I did, then encourage you to foul recklessly anyway.” “Well they knock out Black Orc Basil, then dodge away from markers and through a small gap in the Orc Formation.” “Rok Ard is able to tackle down Sir BoJo, but the ball bounces right to Sir Blair.” “Sir Blair tries to dodge away, but is tripped by Rok Ard! The small, stunted orc, Parakeet takes the loose ball and a scrum ensues! Both teams scrabble for the ball on the wet pitching, trip and falling, tackling, blitzing and slipping! ”But in the end, the Heroes make off with the ball as Blair fails a solo block on Parakeet. The Heroes try a pass for a last minute score, but drop the ball in the rain.” ”I’VE WARNED YOU ABOUT THIS BEHAVIOR!” ***** ”It is now the second half, and the score still 0-0. The Foul Orcs Receive, but the brave men of Brettonia have seen through their weak tactics! A Perfect Defence!” “Charge into--” ”Step Right!” ”But how did they know?!?!” “The Brettonians block the way, but Rok Ard starts knocking out Peasants left and right! But the Brettonians press hard into contact. The brawl along a line continues for a while, but the Heroes start to break through at last when Mr. Lime causes the first casualty of the match, breaking Dommanic Raab!” ”But they are stalled again as brave Knights press into their cage! Black Orc Basil is knocked out again!” ”WAKE THE FUCK UP BASIL OR I WILL START STABBING YOU!” “After some aggressive uphill blocking from the Brettonians, the Heroes are looking pressed for time. Parakeet makes a break for it, running to the center of the pitch. Sir BoJo tries to bliz Goblin Hercules out of the way to mark him… ”And Goes down stunned! That’s it, Parakeet gets away to score, while the other Heroes injure John Major and Tony Blair in Celebration! In the final moments of the game, a member of the Great Green Tide throws a rock at Sir Bojo, but only stuns him! A 1-0 Victory to the Great Green Heroes!”
  11. Thanks Tom! I do love that badge, good times with Dread, good times...
  12. Parakeet is a bit of a disappointment of an orc really. Very unfitting behavior.
  13. Season 2 MD2 vs the Jacksonville JagWAAAGHs (orcs coached by @JamesJenks92) “-but as a silver lining, even as traffic accidents spike with a thirteen boar-chariot pile-up on the Urgrock motorway, the unseason and possibly mystic blizzard has at least put a temporary halt to the wildfires that had been engulfing the city. On to sports, Luz, how will the blizzard effect the team’s chances?” “Thanks Grug, I am here with the Dark Overcoach to ask just that question! Dark Overcoach?” ”I AM KEPT WARM BY THE PURITY OF MY HATRED FOR THE OPPOSING TEAM.” “What our team?” “I HATE THEM TOO, BUT A LITTLE LESS.” “I uh, meant preparation for the snow?” “OH THAT. YEAH, WE’VE BEEN HAVING COLD WEATHER TRAINING. I THINK WE’LL DO WELL.” A photograph from Great Green Heroes cold weather training. “That’s great then. Onto the match!” “This will be a mirror match against the Jagwuaaghs, Orc on Orc, a real Challenge! Yes, orc vs orc, in the snow!” “If anyone can tell what is going on, please contact Urgrock City News.” “Well, I think our boys have the ball first and are going up the side. The largest mound of snow is leading the way, I think that’s Minty? If so, he’s doing well! On the left side, who of the green and white shapes is now stained red and not moving anymore, looks like someone’s down? One of ours?” But One of there’s has stopped moving as well, either knocked out or frozen solid! Then Parakeet charges an orc in a slippery and vulnerable position, sending him intot he crowd! The crowd don’t notice him in the snow, but unfortunately some timberwolves that have entered the stadium under cover of the snow do, and the poor player is carried away by them! “FEAST, MY MINION, FEAST!” “Rok Ard goes on a rampage now, injuring more players and knocking out another! You can see why he’s team captain with that display! The ball is tossed to Chartreuse and run in! The JagWAAGHs are badly outnumbered, and the half ends 1-0 to the Great Green Heroes! **** “The Heroes start the second half kicking, and perhaps too overconfident despite a three man advantage, as they kick wildly and give up a touchback. “Don’t worry Ladz, I have a kunning plan!” “Following Rok Ard, the Heroes charge into full contact! With reduced numbers, the JagWAAAUGHs have a hard time knocking them back, and most of the team is quickly bogged down. Blizter Urgnik makes a sprint up the sideline, and almost gets away, but Line orc Uva Wut plows through the snow like it just isn’t there to block his path! “Datz the way Wut!” “Wut?!” “Urgnik makes a dash for it, but despite some impressive footwork, it tackled down trying to break through. The remaining JagWAAAUGHs are trapped down and are unable to stop a short pass from Parakeet to Chartreuse for a touchdown, ending the game 2-0 to the Great Green Heroes!”
  14. Seems to be off to a good start up there.
  15. Season 14 MD1 vs the Snowflake Generation (underworld coached by Keith Car) “...but on the other hand, Urgrock now has a new tourist attraction! And now to sports, with Luz Longtooth, Luz, today is the big day, how are our boyz looking?” “Looking good, Grug, very good! It’s a lovely day here at the Great Green Stadium and there is a big crowd for the teams first game of the season! Parking was difficult though, and the boar shit is still being removed. The cleanup took longer than expected when it was discovered that that no one can actually read any of the no dumping signs that were put up.” “Ah, yes. Urgrocks literacy rate is disturbingly low even for orc cities, with most of the residents refusing to even use picograms, polls showing that a majority of residents consider them to be ‘a bit dwarfy’’. “ANY BOARS PARKED INCORRECTLY WILL BE USED FOR VIOLET EVILCOOKIES SPECIAL RECIPE BOAR BURGERS! YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED!” “Ah, Dark Overcoach, thank you for joining m in the commentary booth. What are your thoughts on this matchup?” “GOBLINS SUCK, EVEN GOBLINS ON DRUGS.” “Don’t we have a goblin on the team?” “EXCEPT HERCULES, HE’S A GREAT GUY, A REAL TEAM PLAYER AND INCREDIBLE ATHLETE.” “I understand this is the second time the team has faced the snowflakes? The last time was a bad defeat. Will you be doing anything different?” “THE TEAM WILL NOT BE LITTLE FUCKING PANSYS AND LOSE TO GOD DAMN GOBLINS WITH ME AROUND. THAT IS ALL.” “Well, that sounds like a plan to me, viewers! Now the teams are setting up, the Great Green Heroes have won the toss and will be receiving. The kick is high and deep, but thrower Parakeet gets under the ball, and in a shocking move, catches it. An unusual focus on the ball there for the team, I hope that doesn’t come back to bite them.” “I hear Fez and Dribblesnot are both here to play for the snowflakes, Luz?” “Yeah Grug, two star players! The Heroes troll, Fern, goes for fez early, trying to bring him down with a risky block, but is clobared by the ball and chain! But is seems to get tangled around him, or maybe all the boar shit is still making the pitch slippy, because shorterly after, Fez goes down disastrously! “Unsurprisingly, that is Fez out, and a big boon for the Heroes right from the start! The Heroes take advantage and move up right aggressively, keeping a loose cage as they are under constant bombardment from Dribblesnot!” “Yes, the bombs are flying alright, but what's this! Team captain Rok Ard leaps up to intercept one! He hurls it right back at Dribblesnot… who catches it! The bomb flies again, and... Black Orc Walnut catches it as well! The bomb flies back again, but Wulnut is not the most accurate htrower, and the only person who gets knock over is Blizter Crocteeth! But what a play! The crowd enjoyed that one! Maybe the passing game would be more popular in Urgrock is it always involved explosives!” “HUH. MAKE A NOTE OF THAT, DARK UNDERASSISTANTS. IT COULD BE A GOOD IDEA.” “Basil injures a goblin, and Captin Rok Ard knocks out another, and the Underwolrd are struggling to even stay on their feet. With black orcs breathing down his neck, Dribblesnot can’t make a shot, and is eventually injured off the pitch by line orc Uva Wut. In desperation, the underworld zap Parakeet with the wizard they hired, and it seems the thrower is pretty conductive, as he is toasted and badly hurt! “But the underworld have little opportunity to get at the ball, and blitzer shadez pick up the ball to run it in safely at the end of the half.” The Snowflakes make an aerial attempt in the closing seconds of the first half, and it looks good until they are unable to stick the landing.” ***** After the halftime riot and control of the pitch is regained by the teams, the second half begins! “The Snowflakes push up the side and make a long pass right over the head of Captin Rok Ard, resulting in a fast equalizer! The crowd are not happy about this one, the elfy stuff was fun when it was bombs, but throwing the ball is surely cheating?” “The referee allows this controversial move however, and the Heroes set up for their own drive.” “The Heroes move into aggressive contact, and are rewarded by an early blocking failure from the skaven. This rapidly leads to the claw blitzer being surfed, and most of the underworld on the ground! The rat is pushed into his own section of the crowd though, so his fans merely beat him unconscious.” “The Underworld are outnumbered and overpowered, and most of the team feign death. The Heroes give the opposing troll a couple of kicks for good measure, and blitzer shadez scores again! A 2-1 win for the home team!” “ANOTHER WIN DUE TO MY BRILLIANT TACTICAL GENIUS!” “Great to hear, Luz, and congratulations to our boys! Now, back to the news. While the new sinkhole in downtown Urgrock is claiming several buildings, it may be a blessing in disguise according to experts, as it is extinguishing some of the wildfires that have been raging through Urgrock since the loss of the firestation…” The team after MD1
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