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Orca Cola Director
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  1. Hello Ladies and Gentleorks. Today our journalist Gruk Spleanripper decided to descend to the lows and instead of the usual interviews with the best players, runners and throwers of our great league we decided to ask our hardest working and often overlooked players. Today Gruk set off to our teams and asked the straight linemen what their opinions were and what they liked about their profession. Gruk, here the studio. We give you the floor. OK let's go with it, let's get to know my interviewees. First will be Owen, one of simple Zombies from team "Wolves of the Calla" run by coach Javelin: What can you say to us about your unlife in team? Owen: ............................................ Oh, that kind of bummer, maybe his brain is to rotten. Lets go to my second guest, humble Khemrii Skeleton, Förvirring from team "I dont know yet" coached by brocCooLi . Dear undead person can you tell us is it good to be humble pile of bones like you? Förvirring: In my opinion, it is not that it is good or that it is not good. If I had to say what I value most in nonlife, I would say people. Ekhm... People who gave me a helping hand when I wasn't coping, when I was alone. And interestingly enough, it's the chance encounters that influence our unlives. The thing is, when you hold certain values, even seemingly universal values, there are times when you don't find the understanding, so to speak, that helps you grow. I was lucky, so to speak, because I found it. And I thank nonlife. I thank it, nonlife is running trough pitch, nonlife is dancing on corpses, nonlife is love. Many people ask me the same thing, but how do you do it, where do you get this joy? And I answer that it's simple, it's the love of nonlife, it's what makes me play Blood Bowl today, for example, and tomorrow.... who knows why not, I'll give myself to social work and just plant.... I mean... carrots. That was something, I am not sure but something for sure. Our third quest is one of goblins from "Kuttzy and the Cutiez" team coached by Tribble. Please say hello to Sir Plague Gotten. Plague Gotten - Hello No you dont have to say Hello, it is our viewers who should say hello to you. PG - I don't see any viewers, I see only one camera. Also have you seen Harm Bart? One of our Trolls? He is spying on me, I am sure. No one is spying on you, or at least I don't think so. So what can you say about life of Goblin in Goblin team, do you regret you are not in Ork team? PG - Yes, yes, it's good to know that you can run, sometimes blow a few things up if you get one of those bombs, and sometimes you get that funny ball and you can run with it, usually in the direction the coach shouts to us. I'm not sure the direction of the run is important but I am not the coach. Have you seen that Troll? He worries me as he was saying something about being hungry. Oh shoot, here he is, I must hide and run, I man I must go to there to train you know. See you. Oh yes, there is Troll but he looks quite nice is something would ask me. Our next interviewee is King Herod from "Vincent Price All Stars" coached by bob152. What can you tell us about life or rather in this case and not life in a team like yours? King - I would like to say hello to my aunt and siblings, and my favourite hairdresser, I mean favourite when I was still going to the barber. I wonder if he is still alive, what year is it? And of course I would like to say hello to our necromancer, thanks to whom I have a second chance to play after that unfortunate accident with the Ogre. Last but not least today is Beren from "Men of Middle Earth" coached by Guido Baggins What is the ordinary life of an ordinary lineman in the team like? Beren - I think that all these other races should not be allowed into such a great sport like Blood Bowl. All those Elves, dwarves, goblins. I understand that they want to play and all but let them make their own league or something. But Orca Cola as the name suggests was founded by Orks. Beren - It's fake news, they want you to believe it. Everyone knows that the Lizardmen together with the Goblins in the banks rule the whole world. They want you to believe it and buy their spiced with magic hot dogs at the stadium, you don't even know what they add there. Blood Bowl only for the Humans!! They want to get me, you know? But I won't give in, I've got a special shield under my helmet against those consciousness control rays of theirs. Is that aluminium foil? Of course, I'm telling you man, don't be manipulated. Ok that was disturbing, probably a case of too many blows to the head. It was Gruk Spleanripper. I give you the voice back to the studio.
  2. Sigmarzeit 2nd (Backertag) Dear Diary Today we had our first cheerleading casting. I don't know how I did but I like the colour of the outfits. It's nice because it's blue and the extra team colour is pink. And you know how I like pink. Sigmarzeit 5 (Angestag) Dear Diary I got on the team!!! I'm so happy, the coach said I'm perfect, I'm just missing some tunicles or something. I don't know what it is but I think it's some kind of outfit. Sigmarzeit 7 (Wellentag) Dear Diary Training has started, we are practising hard. When we are tired the coach gives us this funny black powder, he calls it wrapstone or something like that. I don't know what but it makes us want to exercise more and helps us recover. Also tastes funny. Sigmarzeit 10 (Backertag) Dear Diary Today a few of the teammates weren't at training, the coach said they weren't fit for the team and that he sacrificed so much for them or them. I can't remember. The important thing is that I am still on the team. Sigmarzeit 13 (Angestag) Dear Diary Today we saw the team for the first time during training. They have these funny outfits, some of them wear these big armours but I think they are made of something light because they were running quite fast in them. And others have these nice goat masks with horns and everything. Of the more important things we got official outfits. The friend's outfit has a few extra cut-outs at the sleeves but the coach says not to worry about that. It will come with time. I don't know what will come, I mean the coach will come to us? Sigmarzeit 16 (Aubentag) Dear Diary Lately I have been feeling a strange itchiness on my hands and arms after workouts. The trainer says it's normal and that it's just from exercising. I also seem to have longer fingers than before. Great, I didn't know training could change a person so much. Sigmarzeit 19 (Bezahltag) Dear Diary Again, there was one person missing from the workout. The coach said not to worry because a friend had decided to leave the team after all and become a cook. He also said that we would meet her at lunch today but I didn't see her anywhere. For that there was a very good roast today as the main course. I think it was roe deer. Very tasty. Sigmarzeit 23 (Wellentag) Dear Diary Thanks to training my arms are longer. I didn't know that training could make such a difference to my life. I now reach higher and have no problem taking things off the top shelves. The only downside is that I seem to have a bump or rash on the back of my head from these workouts. Sigmarzeit 25 (Marktag) Dear Diary The coach said that soon our training would be over and only the best of us would get into the final team. We were to pair up and practice wrestling until one of us quit. I was paired up with Heidi, and I was afraid I wouldn't make it because she is extremely big and lately after training even bigger than before, and she has such nice horns. Luckily I managed to catch her with my tentacle and hold her down until she gave up and didn't stop flitting. She must have been seriously offended at me because she kept lying down with her face towards the ground and didn't speak. Did I mention that I now have a tentacle instead of a hand? It is very helpful and I have also already learned how to hold a pen with it. Sigmarzeit 27 (Bezahltag) Dear Diary Today, the team owner turned up before going to bed. He said I was one of the chosen ones and would be joining the permanent squad. I am so happy. Did I already say that Mr Change (because that is his name) is very handsome. I think those coloured feathers suit him very well. Sigmarzeit 31 (Wellentag) Dear Diary Today was my first game in the cheerleading squad. It was great, the boys did great too, they scored two touchdowns. Franz, the one with those nice long claws even managed to rip the head off the opposing team's runner. Admittedly, I didn't like how the referee whistled a few of ours off the field, but the coach probably isn't angry because the referee is said to be at lunch today. That's right, I need to get ready for lunch and rub my tentacles nicely with cream for the night. Good night diary, see you tomorrow.
  3. Hello Ladies and Gentleorks. Today we will talk about all those small things (no not Goblins, and no not Snotlings). Those small things that can bring us joy. Other players complain you are playing 3000 Team Value Chaos Team? Who cares, Chaos Gods favour the Bold (and the Claw, Mighty Blow killers). Nuffle hates you and you can't roll anything good and to pick up that slippery ball? Find joy in little things like fouling opponent into oblivion. Maybe you are losing 0-4 but you are winning in sent off players 4-0. You are in last place and no chance of being higher? Find yourself goal, like do most passes, or most thrown Goblins in season. If you like this week advices please vote for it HERE. Also Remember:
  4. Hello ladies and Gentleorks. You try hard to win but it does not happen? You are downed? You found yourself not enjoying Blood Bowl lately? Your team does not look good? You lost half of your players? Your team is last on the table? Things look grim? You need to drink our new Bugman Mountain Drew Beer. Or. Don't try to hard. Don't worry because season is coming to close. Find your inner unicorn and do something that will please you. Maybe it will be fouling and trying to earn award for 17 fouls. Maybe you will try to pass the ball each turn to see what happens. Blood bowl is awesome yet frustrating game (FORK YOU NUFFLE!!!!!). Chill. You can always change team to new one, possibly better one. Or even more cursed than the one you already coaching. You never know what will happen. Nuffle gives and Nuffle takes. Chill, let yourself to be tired and sometimes care a little less* Go outside, touch the grass** Drink a beer if you like*** * care a little less about your players, not on life as a whole. ** - but not on pitch *** - and you are old enough to actually drink one. Remember if you are Dwarf, you must be 161 years old! Chill.
  5. Just confirming I posted my decision. :)

  6. Hello ladies and gentleorcs. This week we will meet the first bachelor who will try to win the heart of our Lady making distress. Hello, I am Greebs Ripperson host of this awesome Cabalvision Show. So let's take a look at our first bachelor. He is just riding up on his faithful steed. He is a big and muscular, what grace. A beautiful horse, the cavalier must be fine too, but it's hard to see anything because of all that armor. Dear Orcalotte and all fans watching us now please welcome: Grathrack The Heartripper, Leader of Northen Horde, Chosen of Khorne She took flowers and she looks pleased Our Orcalotte has now a task for the amante. Write a poem. We probably could see confusion on Grathracks face but we can only guess because of this damn helmet. However, the Brave Knight took the task seriously. He took out a small notebook upholstered in the leather of Kislev Cossacks and wrote something in it. He hands the piece of paper to our lady. Mr. cameraman please zoom in on the notebook. Roses are red Blood is red, Leave us alone Or you will be dead. Oh Boy, so we stop now and actually go for a walk leaving our lovebirds alone. Come Mr. cameraman, please roll some advertisement or something. Short word from our sponsor. Nurgle Pops, your favourite disease ridden flakes, you don't want to know what is popping in them
  7. Illegal immigrants in Empire soaring by 175,021 a year, a shock report warns!!!!! The number of illegal immigrants in Empire is soaring by 175,021 a year, a shock report warns today. Chaos Migration Watch said its analysis points to a gross annual addition of nearly 315,000 overstayers and clandestine arrivals. It described the scale of illegal immigration as a “scandal”. In January, a Khorne Immigration Center report warned that anxiety about the issue has been allowed to “grow unchecked” because of a shortage of official information. Chaos Migration Watch made a number of recommendations in its report, including a 100 million boost to immigration enforcement, a “major increase” in the size of the detention estate (main policy - "lock all who is green!"). Mr Bob Heartripper, chief of Khorne Immigration Center told Orca Onion News "The Orca Cola Fans cannot be treated like fools". "They can see through the spin and propaganda." And for the two years that he's been Chief of KIC, he has told the country there is too much immigration, it's hurting our prosperity, and that attempts to crackdown are being derailed by "goblin lawyers" and mobs of green, dinghy-waving lunatics with chainsaws. Surveys consistently show that most people in Empire and Orca Cola Fans think there are too many migrants, that they take jobs and money out of the system, and the principle reason for their arrival is to gain access to benefits. Last Tuesday Nurgle officers were called after 21 Snotlings and 5 Ogres were found near the Greengrass Crossing in Northland. All 26 were arrested by Nurgle Polise on Tuesday shortly after 9am on suspicion of entering the illegally. From good sources we know that Blood Bowl Game Committee is planning to increase number of green skinned teams in Blood Bowl. Can you imagine even more Orks, Black Orks and Goblins on pitch? Rumours are that they will allow teams of Snotlings! "This is outrageous!" - said Miss Elizabeth Painbringer, demonette of Slaanesh. "They will take our jobs" - that are the words of Mr Krughan Headsmasher, famous Norse Raider "They want our women!" - this comment is from noble Mr Astragak Gazhoath, Spiteful Slaver of the Overexploited Cauldron. Chaos Dwarf and owner of Tavern "Overexploited Cauldron". Ps. Remember that on 23 of February will be released Blood Bowl 3, that includes teams like Black Orks and probably later Snotlings!
  8. SEASON 27 SPIKE LINKS: Season 27 - Championship Season 27 - Tier 1A Season 27 - Tier 1B Season 27 Tier 2A Season 27 Tier 2B Season 27 Tier 2C Season 27 Tier 3A Season 27 Tier 3B Season 27 Tier 3C Season 27 Tier 3D Season 27 Tier 4A Season 27 Tier 4B
  9. This was competition that happened in Tier 2 this season. Hello Ladies Gentleorcs and all other creatures. This season some of you had one and only chance to receive most awesome of awards. (Even more awesome than Dirty Git and it is quite rare). The Banana Why awesome? Because you can earn it only in Banana Tier* (and not each season). So what coaches had to do to earn this most awesome and outstanding award? Simple, first play your matches. Second, I will check your results and each specific task gives you some number of points. And the one with most points wins. Simple! So points are awarded for: Match points Each Touchdown conceded + 1 point at end of Season Points awarded at end of season Your place at end of season +X points (Yes place 10 earn 10 points! value!) Each Dirty Player skill on team at end of season gives you +2 points Each Mighty Blow or Claw or Piling-On on team at end of season is +0,5 point Each permanent injury on your team (-Stat, Niggle) at end of season are +2 points. Each Agility or Strength 4 Player means -1 Point Each Agility or Strength 5 (or more!!) Player are -2 Points (Big Guys does not count! They are actually fun and banana!!!). Each Agility or Strength 2 (or less) Player is +1 point (it counts both those with natural ST2 and those injured). Each player named "Bob" (can have added nickname as "Bob the.." or something similar) at end of season gives you +3 points. Each +MA on team is -1 Point. Each +AV on team is nice +5 points Each Big Guy player on team at end of season is +2 points For highest TV in tier at end of season gives you +5 points For lowest TV in tier at end of season is +6 points If your team colours are some kind of yellow banana colour is +0,5 point We also add to each of you Random +D6 number of points Also during season in some MD threads can have additional rules and chances to earn Golden Banana points** * - Banana Tier is the Tier where Banana Admin is being Admin of Banana Tier that is why Banana Tier is Banana Tier. ** - there were two aditional rules. MD 3 you received +0,5 Point for each TD you scored MD 6 you received +1 point if your match was actually played (not admined) and all matches were played!!! FINAL TABLE: FINAL RESULTS Drum roll... Who How RobiVi 41 Arwen Arrows 36 Kindrin 34 tubragg 31 Wismerhill 30,5 Duckwing 28,5 Tribble 28,5 Nimrood 23,5 Kunxion 21,5 Darayawus 21,5 bjj hero 21 Jjape 17 VeneEestlane 17 Zunk 16,5 Emilius 15 TYS123 14 Crunky Chops 13,5 PointBlank93 13,5 Varrus 13 Ruszi 13 txlanhualpec 12,5 LplateGamer 12 Giraffe Shepard 11 Leman_X_Russ 10 LordJair 9,5 Suido 9 Moongloom 7,5 Langerbon 7 brocCooli 5,5 BumFillups 2,5 WINNER OF GOLDEN BANANA 27 is @RobiVi Congratulations
  10. Returning Banana. Old team Coach name (ingame): Gobas Team name: Bear Camp Race: Dwarfs are the best!
  11. orcaHow: How-to instructions you can trust* *but probably shouldn't Match is not going the way you wanted? You are frustrated? Your catchers can't catch that damn ball? Those bad Black Orks just mangled your poor thrower? You are loosing 1:4? Don't worry, we got solution to all that bad things and all that negativity will go away. How? You can ask. Simple. FOUL THEM Kick them when they do not expect this. Yes you might not now win this match, but you were losing anyway. And when you knock that pesky War Dancer and nice kick to the head will send her out of Pitch you will be relieved. And remember.
  12. I also love that they finally not all have the same boooooooring stats. Finally someone with Move 7 and ST4. Love it
  13. Hi Gobbas,


    I will be available for singup on september the 17th (current division 2A). I wlll not be available till 16th. Will it still be possible to sign up online on 17th approx. UTC 13:00?


    I will also post my availability in the future division that applies to me.


    Best Regards


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