Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We come to offer you an Old World exclusive like no other. After our longest investigation to date, faring through dimensions and portals, parallel timelines and universes on the verge of collapse, we managed to locate the door to the Being itself. We have send our bravest and best journalist to perform an interview for the Ages. Through portals and dimensions, breaking deals with Ranald and Malal, defying the 4 Chaos Gods and Sigmar himself, our conjurers and technicians managed to cipher the secret keys that mapped the path through space and time. And here we are, to offer you, our paying customers, the live feed from our reporter and her team. Jenny, are you there? Any issues reaching the gates of the almighty himself?
“Hello, viewers and good evening, Cal! Jenny here. Me and my camerarat Dax had to go through several ordeals. He even had to give part of his tail as payment for one of the passages. But we are about to culminate our 6 months long investigation to locate the ruler of fates, the one that decides tournaments and lives. The one and only, Nuffle. We haven't forewarned our arrival, but understanding that it is for sure an all-knowing being, is aware of that and has granted permission in its own way – by letting us arrive alive.”
The mirror ball shows a garden like all others and like none other. It felt perfectly arranged and curated yet it was obvious that everything had grown wild. No visible pattern was attainable yet everything felt in order. At the door, no bell. Just a freshly cut hand nailed to the front door holding a small caliber cannon ball to knock with. Jenny lowered her hood and knocked. Nothing happened for some time, til the door squeaked open and an old figure, carrying a shovel, showed up. For some reason, it smelt of rotten blood and jasmine, of triumph and tragedy. Of the 18th OCC season.
"Well hello there, you are just in time for tea time. Please come in and ..." Dax stumbled with the door frame "... mind your steps and beware of ..." Jenny dodged in the nick of time a set of saw traps that came from apparently nowhere. "... that. So, why do I have to indulge your unwelcome visit, fellas? I just saw you on my front lane on the Orcavision feed."
"Mr. Nuffle. Is Mr. OK? I am sure you will understand you are the most invoked deity across the Old World fields. You have no standing church or cult yet your name is the one most people use on their everyday. You seem to have a way to meddling into everyone's life so, we'd like to ask, is that true? Is everything according to a masterplan of yours?"
"But why would I do that? Feels like a hella lot of work to do. Don't you see i'm just a retired dude eager to tend his garden and watch the occasional game on the Orcavision?"
"But... then why would coaches, players and fans bemoan your name all the time?"
"That's for em to answer, not me. Sure, I might have a wishful thinking or three that just happen to happen. But you think it's my will? Nah."
"Yet you admit to watch all the Orcavision games, ain't it? Did you had a grudge to those that sprint? Or just those that do so to score a touchdown?"
"Well, I just don't think it's always fair to edge out like that. I admit that if I hadn't had fun during a game I like to have some clownsy side show for the laughs, but it ain't always me"- He sips from his drink- "that said, most games I fall asleep during the second half. You really can't blame everything on me. But yes, boring games are boring. Be it those dancing leaping sidestepers, those sharp and edgy goat clones or the tedious orc & dwarf brawl. The occasional flings that surely do not need my intervention to make things fun, that's for sure."
"So you do have a say in the outcomes."
"Look, fella. I don't know. I just hope for a more entertaining show and things happen. It's the coaches' to blame if I haven't had fun sooner. "
"You are known for killing black orcs and treeman at kick off from a thrown rock or a casual block."
"No one said I waited for the game to start to deem it fun. Besides, there is always the occasional, hic, hungover to deal with."
"The OCC is about to start its 18th season, any hints or clues you can give our expectant coaches and players that can ensure their survival this season."
"Clown face paint. No, wait. Clown shoes. That'll sure entertain me."
You heard that, coaches. Get sure this dude gets fun and you might end your season with a non-depleted team. Now give us the right kind of entertainment.