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  1. orcaHow: How-to instructions you can trust* *but probably shouldn't You know those dudes whose names are red on the forum? The ones who post the 'Important information' thread that you scrolled past at the beginning of each season? I bet you've wondered just what they do! What's that? Shaddup. I'm telling you anyway. 1. Sign up. No really, we're always recruiting. You know you want to! 2. Preseason is the best time to be an admin because it mostly involves setting up the Dirty Git tourneys! (I guess there might be other stuff too? Maybe?!) Spreading the Gospel of the Boot to a new division every season! What joy it brings us! This is the good times. 3. In season. This is mostly a grind. Work work work. Lots of posting and clicking and stuff. We also settle unplayed matches using a time tested system of grudges, personal bias, and bribes. 4. Postseason. This is another highlight: we hand out the Dirty Git Trophies! Also trophies for Bounty Hunters, causing lots of casualties, a few others. 5. Once the season has ended, our main duty is to aggressively post "Div Day when?" in chat. Occasionally we also post the season timeline which lists Div Day every season when some fucker starts posting "Div Day when?" too aggressively. That's it. I think green admins do stuff too but i'm not positive. If you enjoyed this insight into the duties of the league admin, you can Upvote it Here.
  2. orcaHow: How-to instructions you can trust* *but probably shouldn't <In an epic get for OCC Press, Rathnael Murderblade, the greatest dark elf assassin to have ever lived, has agreed to tell us all his secrets. > I was born in the darkness. My first love was the blade. Well so it says in all the promo for my 'autobiography' lol. But seriously I do love to stab stuff. And Hag Graef is very dark, so I guess the publicists nailed that tag line. We sold 8,000 copies. I mean if you consider the literacy rate of Blood Bowl fans, that's a best-seller. Anyways, with my final match before retiring to the Summer Isles coming up, and with a big bag of gold dropped off at my house hahaha, I agreed to spill the beans as it were. Why am I such a great assassin when so many fail at the position? What makes me so great at stabbing? Well it's 99% talent and 99% liking to watch people die. I just love stabbing. I love stabbing orcs. And elfs. And trolls. Anything really. I'm as sneaky as a shadow and as mean as cat. I love stabbing shadows and cats too. And I'm the best. I've had more successful stabbings on the Blood Bowl pitch than any other two assassins. I've stabbed them all. I stabbed Mardak Hardhammer in his hairy forehead. I stabbed Aethwyn Bloodraven right through her long white neck. I cut Gorgasm Jones tail off in the CCF Final. I've stabbed the best in the business, and I've stabbed them well. But lets not forget my knife, Lucille. She's a huge part of my success. She's beautiful! She's so fancy! She's ravenous! And she's covered in the lethal venom of the Argalyan Murder Viper. Now, a lot of assassins are mean and sneaky. Most of us really hahaha. And we all poison our blades. Some with dark magicks, some with deadly poisons and venoms. A few even with hallucinogens and MDMA. But they all fail most of their feeble attempts and then get thrown out the match. They barely kill anyone while I leave a trail of corpses in my wake. I'm ready to reveal my real secret. Why do all my stabbings actually work? What makes me able to stab the hardest warriors and brutalest orcs? It's simple. I....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
  3. Hey bobsol Check your PMs- your spot is open.
  4. Hi Bob! I watched the thread of my division, 5b in the forum, and I was asking if it was normal that the teams in the end of the post were n't all the teams which will play in the division?



    1. bob152


      Yeah i edited it to include you. I had pasted the old list. You're in. 

  5. (Editor's note-- Our weekly OCC letters column where we answer all your questions about Life, the Universe, and Everything. This week's guest columnist is retired Blood Bowl coach of the Altdorf Wolfen, Dave 'Killer' Campbell) Why does Nuffle hate me the most?-- Rolf in Kurst Coach Carlson: Well the old saying is that Nuffle hates everyone equally. I've always found that Nuffle hates teams that make stupid risky decisions the most. But I just called and asked him, and he agreed: he hates you most. You personally. I got put in a really rough division this season. How can I survive the season?-- TJ in Erengrad Coach Carlson: Well first, you and your whole whiny ass generation can shut up about it. In my day we had entire divisions of minotaurs and the Chaos Pact. You children have it easy. You know what? Life is supposed to be hard! It's better when it's hard! I fought at Ulricsberg! You ever kill a beast man with your best friend's jawbone? No you never did because you're a soft little baby who wants life handed to him. Smash. Smash now? Want smash now!-- Grok in Karak Ungor Coach Carlson: Finally a letter from a real Blood Bowler. This guy gets it. Yes Grok, Grok smash. Grok smash now! And a few private responses: JT in Woolsey: You're right, i don't believe that happened at a bowling alley. Karen in Mazhorod: Best thing is to count them. She should have 7- no more, no less. Smorg in Norn: YTA. No doubt. What a jerk. (If you'd like your letter answered by an OCC columnist, just send it in by magical owl or over the Cabalnet)
  6. Coaches, are your players constantly screwing up your brilliant game plans by failing GFIs? Do they refuse your commands from the sideline when you tell them to GFI just one more yard? Then we have the product for you! New from CoachGear, the company that brought you the Diving Tackle Dummy and the Unfumbleable Ball, comes our latest invention: GFYs- the last shoes your players will ever wear! Go For Yes! Made in our unique patent-pending process, GoForYes are woven from the unbreakable silk of acromantulas from the darkest depths of the Ironwood and bound permanently to your players' feet using the cursed magic of legendary witch queen Kalebeth the Mad. They ensure that your players will keep on Going For It- whether they want to or not! "Last match my players failed almost 20% of their GFIs, causing 7 turnovers! These losers couldn't handle my genius coaching. So I turned to GoForYes from CoachGear, and my players are never turning back!" -- Head Coach Harvey 'Grim' Lambert of the Stonecold Reapers "I've had them on for four full years- my Gods the smell! I think something might have hatched in there. Please- please I'm begging you to get them off my feet." -- Eldwyn Springstream, Wood Elf catcher "Kill me. Cut off my legs. Anything! Please make it stop!!!" -- Gazrom Ironboar, dwarf Troll Slayer Buy these fantastic new shoes for your squad today. The next time you yell to your player to Go For It, he'll tell you to GFY!
  7. Introducing the most newest, most bestest, most extremest strength supplement on the market: BOXCAR66! Weakness is a choice! Buffness can be yours! With BOXCAR66 your STRENGTH gain is GUARANTEED!* With BOXCAR66 you will be your best self GUARANTEED!** Your satisfaction with BOXCAR66 is GUARANTEED! *** Let's talk with just a few of the former weaklings who are now living their best life with BOXCAR66. We have helped orcs, dwarves, elves, humans of all sorts, the living, the dead, beastmen--- you know what when you think about it, isn't it a bit weird that almost everything is the same strength? Like a werewolf and a skeleton are the same strength? An orc warrior and a Bretonnian peasant are just as strong as each other? What is it-- what's that? The script? Oh right right, the script- The point is BOXCAR66 can help anyone to build muscle fast- and with no side effects whatsoever!**** Just listen to these satisfied customers of our amazing product! "I used to be little wimp. Now I am real man." -- Aldo the Apache, bret blocker "Coach never picked me to blitz. Now i'm blitzing a dozen times a game. Thanks BOXCAR66- you made me a winner!" -- Snaz, Pro Elf catcher "Blitzing ball carriers used to put my assistants in danger. Now I can do it all by myself! And it tasted so good, the nausea eventually went away!" -- Kratos, wardancer "Guard guard guard. All my teammates want to do is guard. But i'm a special peacock! You have to let me fly!" -- Ballracker Cleaverthief, hobgoblin WOW what amazing results for all those customers!. And they can all be yours for just 26 payments of $99.99! That's right- the price is so low you must think we're crazy. But wait! If you order in the next twenty minutes, we will throw in a coupon for 15% off an extra medium Punisher logo t-shirt! Order right away at THE LINK BELOW! BOXCAR66 -- the strength supplement that will change your life- GUARANTEED! ***** *strength gain not guaranteed **best self not guaranteed ***satisfaction not guaranteed ****the most common side effects were mild body ache, continuous anal emission, sentient warts, spontaneous penile inversion, and dry mouth. Also everyone in the studio when we filmed this got a really gross rash. *****life change not guaranteed
  8. WOOOOOOO! Welcome back my luny listeners! That was "Werewolves of London", enjoying its amazing 1,854th week on the top of the request charts here at W-O-L-F Radio! I'll be playing your requests all night long- i'm you host with the most, the luxuriest lycanthrope, the silver tongued monster of the midnight, Howler! W-O-L-F is here for all your furry favorites and beastial bops, but before we get back to the request line, here with his sensational sports reports is radio's only Were-Beaver, the Beav! Haha! I love that joke Howler. Every single time. Every time. Of course i'm a wolf just like you. Hey sports fans, I'm Wolfman Steve with your Orca-Cola championship report, brought to you by Crazy Carrie's Alterations and Repair Shop, you mangle it we mend it. Carrie's specializes in split-seamed green pants and repatching patches! For all your clothing repair needs: Crazy Carries. So what's up with everybody's favorite Blood Bowler, Wuwarg Rugtail? He's the wargiest werewolf in the league! He's the best! Well Howler, as you know, the sponsor wants a report on the championship division, which doesn't actually feature a necromantic team. In championship action, the Justice for Leap wood elf team-- How about Justice for Claw! Wuwarg Rugtail just had ANOTHER KILL! Yes, yes, he's fantastic. But h'e's not in the championship division. In other--- You know what Wuwarg Rugtail is a champion of? Champion of being fucking awesome! WOOOOOOOO! And with that riveting report from the Beav we're back to the request lines. This is a top request every week and goes out to the lovely Lydia Loren who plans on celebrating the full moon at her sorority house! I love it. It's Taylor Swift with Red Dice! I actually have a bit more to the report-- Loving him is like a one turn try You're done. You want to take time from the big dog, you better roll doubles next level. Boss says you might end up on the cutting room floor if you know what i mean. Faster than the wind, meticulous as sin, ending so suddenly He didn't say that! there are plenty of great skills... Way to sidestep the question Beav HAHAHAHAHA You better stop or i'll.. What, diving tackle me?!?!? HAHA WOOOOOOOOO! Loving him is like trying to change your click Once you're already dodging into 2 tackle zones with a blorc Like running to the end zone, so sure, just before the go for it Losing to him was blue like I'd never known Drawing him was dark gray, all alone Forgetting him was like tryin' to know somebody you never met But loving him was red dice Loving him was red dice Blocking him was like realizing all you ever wanted No block no skills, right there in front of you Blitzing him was as easy as knowing all the words To your old favorite song Fighting with him was like not checking before the surf And realizing he has sidestep Scheduling with him was like wishing you never found out That time fu could go so wrong Losing to him was blue like I'd never known Drawing him was dark gray, all alone Fouling him was like breaking armor 12, with refs all ‘round But loving him was red dice Oh, red dice Burning red dice
  9. congrats to @DeivySPwho just won all 3 community awards in the same season. He's the world's first bounty hunting psychic dirty git.
  10. We have a volunteer! Thanks to @HarkonBlackpool
  11. Do you have an eligible replacement team? Want a few weeks of games in Tier 4? contact @bob152 @Bevan @SniperKrizz
  12. Week 1 vs Drama Kuin Drow by @Saruman25130. It was a fun match with a lost of twists, but we came out on the short end both halfs, 0-2. Wasn't a dicing either, just a few key moments kind of match. On the plus side, we got enough cash to buy a 2nd Revenant and our M(NG)ummy comes back MD2. Setekh really earned his keep. No turnovers. Made his 1 loner roll. And he had a real star turn- needed 2 dodges on a blitz so break tackled the first and 50/50 the 2nd, made both gfis and got a surf on the ball carrier. Unfortunately, the ball carrier, now in the stands, threw the ball right where the elfs wanted it. The fouls were pretty good. 10 for 4 removals, with 0 sent off. We started with a bribe and we got a kick off table bribe, and both were fully necessary. We even got a couple sneaky git rolls, perhaps the first time that skill has ever actually been used. We ought to be in 1st for DG by a few points over Ratamo who beat us out last season, but week 1 is always great for finding out who else wants the boot in your tier. Inauspicious start to the season, but our team looks better for next week.
  13. Player Spotlight: Egghead Egghead is the longest serving ghoul on the All-Stars. He's built block>>>guard so he's mostly support and offensive weapon when the other ghouls crack. From his interview with the Ghoul York Times: "It's an honor to play for the Vincent Price All-Stars, a most eggcellent opportunity to showcase my eggstensive skillets. I have huge mushells that allow me to eggsist on blocks. And my blodge makes sure I don't fall over easy. When I help the Revenants on their blocks, all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put them back together again. I'm also eggactly the right ghoul when we hatch a plan to foul the opponents when they're down. If we hit the poor bastards while they are laid on the ground, we might be able to poach our squad a new zombie, so we never yolk around with the fouls. On defense, i'm more free range and look to scramble the other team's plans with my eggsquisite movement." "Now it's not all sunny-side-up as a Blood Bowl player. It can be quite eggasperating just how thin shelled some ghouls can be- we may need to figure a way to hard boil their armor! In our first season, we lost 3 ghouls on their very first received blocks- boy did we have egg on our faces. This season we hope to keep albumen alive, so we can be well prepared for the top tiers. Then i'll get all the chicks!"
  14. Missed that goal. Got the Bounty Hunter. 2nd in DG (not very close in the end, gj Ratamo) 5th place in division. Like i was contending for the lead when I posted and my losing streak and the other contenders winning streaks coincided in just such a way that i ended in 5th and was lucky to get that. Once our star wight died on a dodge. Each of his 2 replacements have suffered career ending injuries in their first match. I start the new season with 1 wight and not enough $ to buy a 2nd. I think it's all the fans missing our favorite. This next wight will stick around, i'm sure. Ah well, new season. Onward and upward ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In another league, I look over French roster sheets frequently. In French Blood Bowl, wights are called Revenants. That's so much better! I'm not even sure what a wight is, but a Revenant: that's something scary.
  15. As i suspected in my first post, i kind of lost interest in my undead blog but the fouling bit kept me coming back. I have kept the first post updated with no more than 1 match missed. Now i feel a couple updates coming on. I do intend to keep this team until OCC runs through BB2, come hell or high water (likely both). I expect 3-4 more seasons, judging by admin statements and the expected pace of game feature rollouts. Think i'll go back to skaven for BB3- that's where I started BB2 and had a lot of fun with them. I still haven't taken the time to look at the new rules, but I have some of the relevant youtube/twitch discussions bookmarked. Trying to speak it into existence: I am tied for 3rd place but face 2 of the other leaders in the final 3 matches. I'm in 2nd for Dirty Git, but i play the leader this week. I'm in first in Bounty Hunter, with plenty of juicy targets remaining. I am making it a formal goal: I want the triple crown of division winner, Dirty Git, Bounty Hunter.
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