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Humbe's method of naming the thread seemed to make sense, so I'll follow along with that. I'll hardly make as impressive an AAR though, but I do like writing something.. - It was hailed as "The Clash of the Mummies" in the rags before the game. Three ancient Tomb Kings against two slightly fresher Mummies. Both sides fielded two blitzers according to the same rags, and Chakalaka fielded two ballcarriers with centuries of experience (or at least experience from oh so many centuries ago) while the offenders had three ballcarriers, who weren't even properly dead yet. Both teams were fresh from the graves, but Chakalaka had waited anxiously for millenia for this first game and it showed. When the Offenders won the toss and chose to start on the offense with the hopes of perhaps managing to put some skeletons out of commission, Chakalaka kicked off and blitzed at the same time, throwing a huge spanner in the Offenders carefully laid plans for how the initial blocks should pan out. Swift action was needed, and that was what the Offenders delivered. Ghoul Hugh swiftly swooped down to secure the ball, and gave it his all to hand over to Ghoul Dewey who sped towards the other flank where Mummy Elisabeth Baker and Wight Ivan the Annoying were reducing the threat level. Chakalaka had put extra weight on the side where the ball had landed (and now been removed from) and now they increased the pressure there even more, capping this assault with outright killing Wight Vlad the Paler (he got better). But all the violence in the world on the left side of the field could not stop Dewey from scoring by marching up on the right side of the pitch. A steady stream of Chakalakans pouring back meant Dewey could only stall minimally, but even the slightest of stalls can be enough. For the second drive of the half saw Chakalaka struggling to get more than a few yards over the line of scrimmage, and when they finally had managed to get the Offenders to dedicate too much forces to stop a threatening breakthrough on that side, they didn't have enough time to capitalize on a swift move to the other side and a scatter pass to Blitz-Ra Iumut Senaten. The second half saw Chakalaka receiving and setting up very well for a slog towards the endzone. (9 vs 9) Slow or quick we will never know, because Blitz-Ra Pthahrenayt Tefhis got some sort of flashback to his glory days and got the idea that he should be able to dodge away from his opponents. Yes, he succeeded, but the sight was so amazing that Tomb King Amen Djaaten-Ashakht fell on his face. (Misclick forced dodge that ate reroll, then double skulls on the next block.) This opportunity saw half the Offenders tying up most of Chakalaka's line of scrimmage, while the awake and aware wights and ghouls (two each) attempted to outflank and go for the backfield and the ball (that had landed deep). Chakalaka's line of scrimmage bended a little, but struck back to good effect, knocking out Zombie Hop Toad, but Thro-Ra Abubakar Apoepes could not secure the ball, and one wight and two ghouls were still headed towards the cluster of skeletons surrounding the ball. Then Tomb King Khensu Tefnetma attempted to continue Chakala's great success on the line, but went down himself together with his intended victim Zombie Bugs, which meant the two ghouls could tag-team Pthahrenayt Tefhis, Ghoul Hugh blitzing him down and then taking the ball and immediately scoring with it. The second drive in the second half saw the Offenders surprising the Chakalakans by moving their entire defense (except the ghouls, so 7 vs 8 by the line, 10 vs 10 total) up to the line of scrimmage while the ball was in the air. The setup was still somewhat flubbed, and Chakalaka could get half of the line down with minimal effort. Sadly for them the kick had been very short, and the first attempt by Abubakar Apoepes to pick up the ball failed. Then Elisabeth Baker managed to push a Tomb King over the ball, which scattered past her and over to the Offender's side where it was soon taken up by Hugh. Not loosing their composure, the Chakalakans quickly moved to stop a new ghoul rush, and for a while it seemed as if they could retrieve the ball while the Offenders were attempting to shift flank, having to go the back route after an attempt to do a lateral shift had been blocked up. But alas, Tomb King Hathor Apohef-Khobet needed just a little bit more speed than his legs were willing to offer, and fell on his face (failed gfi with reroll) just as he was about to pound Hugh into the dirt, and a quick rush and pass to Vlad the Paler later saw the ball a long distance into Chakalakas half of the pitch, with all of their team still on the line of scrimmage or even deep into the Offenders half. Swift action and much blocking saw Chakalaka manage to force Vlad the Paler to dodge over the touchdown line to score, but he succeeded and the 3-0 goal was scored just as the final whistle blew.

With over 700K in inducements the Maltesers called up the Holy Trinity of Deeproot, Zara and Heston as well as one of those lovely Bloodweiser babes. The Norse chose to receive and set up to immediately take advantage of their star Yheti and try and take down Lion. However when he wild animaled and they left a huge gap opposite Double Decker the Maltesers took the opportunity to mark the ball carrier and try to split him from his support, that had mostly rushed into the Flings' half. They managed to get the ball carrier free but then he fumbled a pass. The Maltesers pressured the ball and even grabbed it, but with casuaties beginning to tell, and the lack of movement not allowing any real protection for ball carriers it was continually popped loose. Zara waded in and managed to KO a guard guy that was really in the way but low armour, and downed trees left only some last ditch marking to try and stop the Norse scoring late. When they didn't make the effort the half ended 0-0. All in all very happy to stop the score, but the cost in Flings was a bit high and Zara was fouled off in the last turn. The normal Fling grind began the second half with Mars grabbing the ball and getting to the safety of the forest. But with his brothers falling like chaff elsewhere the cage soon only had 3 corners and when the Yheti finally passed a WA roll to move into the gap and provide guard assists the cage was soon broken. At this point I only had 3 flings left on the pitch and unsurprisingly it was a fairly easy score for the Men in Tights. But they decided to score quickly leaving the Maltesers another chance to equalise. 0-1. When a pitch invasion was rolled with the Men in Tights claiming numbers and fame it was going to be hard. Mars found himself near to the trees but with a line of Norse players between him and the ball. One of his brothers gathered it and without the movement to get to safety had to go for a throw or just get mobbed. When the werewolf intercepted in 2 tackle zones it was the end. He walked it in whilst the Flings just tried to stay alive, not totally successfully. With the kick skill ending chances of a last gasp TTM the game ended 2-0, well played Foffa. Still it had the benefit of dumping Doomy out of Bookieman. Ultimately I don't think either coach made any glaring errors, The Maltesers suffered too many casualties/KO that didn't come back and didn't break armour enough on the Norse even with MB trees. And even though the Maltesers caused three cas in the end, two were Deeproot so total haul 2 whole SPP! Still quote of the day came from Foffa: "I can't believe I didn't win easily against Flings. You did really well." Thanks mate B).

Season 1 Match 1 The Lesser Naggaroth Villains A team of 14 rotters, a Pestigor and a beast of nurgle. Unusual roster, but Mr Ogorki played well. We kicked to start off, and discovered that someone had killed the Ref. What? I thought I recognised him… As this team looks like a less hygienic version of Hobnails Bootaz, we were worried, but the team remembered their training and decided to boot first and harder. While some random lineman was badly hurt first block… Aahhhhh! And that is why you put your helmets on properly! …we slowly won the blocking war and K.Oed two rotters with fouls. Feel my suffering! Eeeeieeeeee! *Slight approving nod* Eventually we got a good hit on the ball, and Horror ran in the teams first touchdown! Naturally. All too easy really. Just Like I Train You! On the way Indomita tripped up a dodging rotter and killed it. You move ONLY with the permission of INDOMITA! In the second half the Rotters blitz, but the ball scatters away from them and Indomita run away with it. The team is mobbed and slightly outnumbered. But… It Matters not to INDOMITA! Indomita survives a blitz from the pestigor thanks to dodge, and frenzy blitzes her way past the beast and through the opposing team. She escape and scores! Just Like I Would Have Done! Indomita gets one more attempt on the ball, but thought she steals it she is brought down and the team just retreat to avoid damage. Game ends 2-1 to The Villains!

Dark Flings vs Fumblin’ Farmhands Cubbles: Hello there viewers, and welcome to season twenty-one of the Orca Cola Championship! My name is Cubbles Greenhill, halfling reporter extraordinary, ace reporter for the Moot Wombler, contributer to the famed Blahville Gazette and Chief Commentator here on the MootCast! I’m down here in Division 6C to watch the amazing Dark Flings face off against the human Fumblin’ Farmhands, and joining me is guest Meep Snivelscribbler the famed journo-rat. Meep: Meep is big-happy to be here Cubbles-thing! Laugh much-lots at silly little fat-things fail and gets free food! Yes-yes! Meep is so hungry… Cubbles: This will be the first match in the OCC proper for the incredible Dark Flings after an impressive 3-0-4 run in the snottling soda cup. Meep: Meep doesn’t find that impressive. Cubbles: Well they are halflings, thats not bad you know Meep… Meep: Also Meep heard that two of them were because other team disappeared in mysterious-suspicious circumstances just before match… Cubbles: Well here’s the Dark Overcoach, let’s see what he says to your slanderous allegations Meep. Dark Overcoach: WE HAD THE LIZARDS KILLED. THE OGRES WERE RESISTANT TO ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS, SO WE DIRECTED THEM TO THE WRONG STADIUM. ALSO WE THREATENED ALL THE ADMINISTRATORS AND… Cubbles: Yes, thank you Dark Overcoach! Quick, cut to commercial! ***** Do you love the Dark Flings? Do you find them adorable and cuddly? My name is Alaria Woodbark, and I would like to introduce you to our exciting new line of Dark Fling stuffed toys and plushies! The whole range is available, from th might Mary Hatekill, to poor deceased Al Burnmaim! Order soon and you will receive them signed AT NO EXTRA COST! Be sure to act fast, as many of these signatures are likely to out of stock quickly given the terrible death rate of halfling players! Also check out Darkroot Stranglebranch, The Death tree and The Dread Tree action figures, now available for pre-order! They include both smashing and Fling tossing action! Send all letters to 12 Muddybank hill, grimthunk, The Moot. ***** Cubbles: The Dark Flings won the toss and the Farmhands kick off! The ball is in the air and… off the pitch! Farmboys, whatchgonnado. Meep: Dark-Overcoach-thing has ball, deciding who to give to. Dark Overcoach: HMMM, WHO TO GET THE BALL… Dread Tree: GIVE BALL! I SCORE. Dark Overcoach: I’M JUST NOT SURE… Dread Tree: I CAN DO IT. GIVE BALL. NOW. Dark Overcoach:…NO DREAD, YOU’RE A TREE! Dread Tree: GIVE BALL. I STAR! Dark Overcoach: NO! HERE, HARRY, YOU TAKE IT. Dread Tree: YOU NOT GIVE BALL, I NOT PLAY! Cubbles: The Dread Tree nearly takes root there, but the Overcoach’s encouraging words keeps him going! Dark Overcoach: DREAD IF YOU ROOT NOW I WILL MURDER YOU MYSELF. Meep: Fat-things hide-sneak behind tree-things. Stamp on line-human-thing. Only stunned a little. Man-things stun fat-thing back, try to run from Biggest-tree-thing, fail. Dread Tree: I WANT BALL! Dark Overcoach: YOU CAN’T HAVE THE BALL DREAD YOU BASTARD! Cubbles: Dread is already looking like he’s going to root again! Dread Tree: I’LL ROOT. Dark Overcoach: DON’T F*CKING ROOT DREAD! Dread Tree: I’M GOING TO DO IT. Dark Overcoach: DON’T DARE! Dread Tree: *Takes root* Dark Overcoach: OH F*CK YOU DREAD. Cubbles: The Dark Flings advance and cage over linesman Skeeter, and Stamp hm of the pitch K.Oed! Meep: Man-things move in much, Ogre-not-man-thing Puch fat-thing K.O and stand next to ball-fat-thing. But Fat-thing dodges away. Then Ogre-not-man-thing attack Biggest-scariest-tree-thing! Cubbles: And… OH MY GODS! Darkroot Stranglebranch (Deeproot’s evil twin) has ripped off Cousin Merl’s Head! And he’s tossed it into the stands! Crushing a halfling fan to death! The Apothecary comes on to the pitch, and after a moments deep and careful thought, pronounces the Ogre dead! The Dark Flings then disentangel themselves from the majority of the human team and start jumping up and down on Blitzer Luke’s head. And keep doing so while most of the Humans hang back terrified! On the third try Alfie Doomkill takes Luke off the pitch Badly Hurt! The ref finally listens to the protestations of the Humans and sends Alfie off. Dark Overcoach: GOOD BOY ALFIE. THERE WAS A BOUNTY ON THAT ONE. Cubbles: Gary Killfang then tries to do the same to Cotton eye Joe, but is spotted by the ref. He only tapped him too, only a stun… Meep: Fat-thing-Harry-Deathrager score. Fat-things can do that?! Cubbles: Yes Meep, they can. Some day I’ll take you to a UE match and then you’ll see… ***** Cubbles: Welcome to the second half! Meep: Half-things kick to Man-things, but people run onto pitch! Eeeek! Save Meep! Cubbles: We’ll be safe up here Meep, but wow! A passing band of Lumberjacks have suddenly invaded the pitch! And make a bee-line for the trees! They smash three human players over as they go past, but then knock over and stun all three of the treemen, ignoring the halflings! Dark Overcoach: OH GODS NO! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING! Meep: Man-thing collect ball-thing and cage-much. Cubbles: But the Halflings rush to block the human advance while the tree recover. Emily Riptear makes a good impression in her first match by smashing the knee of lineman Cletus as she runs by. Meep: Man-things try to move slowly up left side-line while run two man-things down right to threaten. Half-fat-things manage to knock over blitzer and three try to take down ball-human! It not work. Cubbles: But the Trees are all on their feet again and slowly marching into position. The Humans shove back the flings, but then a lineman trips over the fling he was meant to be hitting and leaves an opening! The Dread Tree then sprints to mark the ball carrier, while Darkroot gently ambles towards the potential receivers. Meep: Man-things desperate! Can see in eyes. Cotton eye Joe's escapes from Dread and makes big-long-much pass! Cubbles: And Darkroot jumps up and catches the ball! A TREERCEPTION! Meep: Meep sees why Darkroot is star player better than Deeproot! Dark Overcoach:: HAHAHAHA! FEAR OUR TREES BALL HANDLING PROWESS! FEAR IT! Cubbles: The Dark Flings form a small cage around Darkroot, who then hands the ball to Esme Rageslayer, who is screened off as she sprints in the touchdown to end the match 2-0 to the Dark Flings!