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Howdy, I'm J.J. Cash.




I may not be a particularly great or talented coach, but I have coached more Humans than most (big fish little bowl).




Over the past ~2years I have played almost exclusively humans on BB2. Look at my mediocre BB2leaguemanager stats!! And that's not counting all the leagues that are not indexed on there! But I think I've made my point.



I suck.


Humans suck (in eternal format).


I've been moving on to other(better) races to cover up for my obvious coaching deficiencies...


...and to shelter my fractured ego.



This was the most recent, and subsequently last human team I may make in a good long while.

So they don't get retired. They get a swan-song of a send-off, even though Humans don't deserve it.




You missed their first season, but first seasons are always boring and awkward. Here is the team as they start their 2nd Season:



Yes, it is an above average amount of agi-ups.

No, I don't have a thrower.

Human throwers suck and are for losers, @ me if you want to fight about it anytime.


Stars of this young team would be.... everyone who has an agi-up. Because they let me live the lie that I'm playing a real team like elfs. Wouldn't it be nice if I was playing elfs?


My only regrets as far as the current development of this team are that Israel took Guard for his recent doubles. I really wish he'd gone pass or accurate. This post will be a nice benchmark for posterity, to see how that choice pans out over a season or two (should he live).


HOT TAKE: Guard is way overrated for humans, I don't think you need more than 2, 3 TOPS.


Future development plans for this team include not dying, followed by rolling more stat-ups.





....Oh yes one more thing.




Wizards are fun.

Edited by J.J. Cash
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These match reports are going to be big with big-ass gifs, so I'm hiding them in spoilers for the mercy of your bandwidth. All 5 of you reading, feel free to critique or laugh at my poor play, even when I don't notice it.



Week 1 @ HElfs against @Antrm

(+160K to Elfs: Wizard)


Synopsis: Our Humans have 2MNG for this one, putting this at an even 11v11. There is a skills advantage over these less experienced Tango Trueborn, but with no reserves it could just take 1 lucky injury to tilt this game for either side. Barring removals, we will have a very hard time dealing with the positioning game of the statistically superior Elfs on either side of the ball. The Human's positionals will need to take over the game as compensation for how many linemen both teams will be fielding (and how much worse Human linemen are than Elf's). A classic 2-1 grind is the most likely path to victory.


Coin Toss: Win! -- Receive first.



Drive 1(T1): Kick to Humans. Weather -> Nice.


Israel (+AG catcher) retrieves the ball and retreats to backfield. We're here to stall as long as we safely can while inflicting attrition. The first few turns amount to only 1 KO against the Elfs, and by turn 4 they've got our backfield ball-carrier under pressure.


We're going to pull the trigger and try to move the ball from one end-zone to the other, with the help of some dodges, GFIs, and a pass. What could go wrong??




Good old trip-wire.


Can't be upset about failing what was overall a coin-flip, and I probably should have done a better job of establishing scoring threats so that I could kill the drive more safely.


On the positive side of things, the ball is now on the other side of the field, and I'm actually not in the worst position to play defense for the rest of the half.


The ball never ends up moving very far from the other end-zone. The Humans and Elfs both sloppily struggle to hold on to it. Both sides expend all remaining re-rolls, and the Trueborn let loose the wizard to try and seal the deal.


Things were looking bleak; the Elfs had the ball, but weren't likely at all to score. However, going into next half and kicking to them at 0-0 would make for a tough narrative.


Here is our T8 look and play:


The euphoric high of this touchdown lasted until replay review, where it became apparent there was a much more reasonable shot at scoring that was missed. I don't know whether to blame fog of war, or an inherent aversion to end-zone passes (radical failure possibilities with a pass/failed catch out of bounds... surfable receiver...)


Also I forgot that the BC had block when punching in Samba, so that actually lowered the success chance a smidge. We were really closer to 10pct :cool:


Another case where I'm more lucky than good.

T8 Score. 1-0 Humans


Drive 2(T8): Kick to Elfs. Extra RR to Humans.

The Elfs can not one turn with their current roster.

1-0 Humans




Drive 3(T9): Kick to Elfs. High Kick.


Being up 1-0 makes a world of difference for defense.

Now we don't care if the Elfs score, as long as they leave us 2 or 3 turns with the ball. We are quite content to let them slowly (but not too slowly) cage up the field. They might be keen to stall a draw at this point, and we can't have that.


The ball did briefly come loose off a failed pass, but that is not of great significance to this drive. Instead of aggressively playing the ball, the Humans were more than pleased to take a stab at some solid surf opportunities. By removing Elfs from the pitch, their ability to stall out for a draw would be greatly diminished. True enough, by Turn 14 there were not enough of the Trueborn left to protect the ball, and they were forced to score.




Apparently its spelled 'Cowabunga'. And I don't care.


I dedicate that to Andy Davo, who taught me to ignore the ball and surf whenever possible.

T14 Score. 1-1


Drive 4(T14): Kick to Humans. Riot, -1 Turn.


That's annoying. Our set-up was in a more controlled and wide formation, in anticipation of a 3-turn drive. It would have been much more preferable to stack one side for a 2-turn attempt. Time for the good old-fashioned 'send everyone deep for as many scoring threats as possible!'. A page out of the Elf's book!


We send a formation down each sideline, to make the Elfs pick their poison. A-side has two primary targets (a catcher and a blitzer), and B-side has our +Ag Lineman, Martin Villareal. We end up with 5 targets in scoring range altogether.


The Trueborn clamp down on the much more threatening A-side, leaving us a small handful of dice to roll for our TD.




In review of that play, we could have attempted a 2d Block against the Elf blitzer on the A-side, needing a pow or stumbles to get him off our scoring-threat catcher. The odds of getting the block dice we needed were lower, but it would take 1 less GFI and have the catch get a free re-roll (albeit on 3agi). If you assume both plays get the block dice they need, A-side would have 74% success while B-side would have only 70%.


Not nearly the level of sub-optimal play as seen in our first score. I still should have opened with that 2D, just to see what happens. There was no reason not to try it.


There is always room for improvement.

T16 Score.


Final: 2-1 Humans win


If antrm thinks I'm a lucker-noob after this match, he wouldn't be wrong. I played like a noob, and I was overall pretty lucky. This felt very much like a fresh tv game with the 11v11 and wonk-dice deciding the game. I just happened to be on the more fortunate side today.

Edited by J.J. Cash
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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Ok back on track with the new computer. I'll also be streaming my games on twitch now, right HERE!!



Week 2 @ Chaos  against @Steelheed

(+210 to Chaos: Wizard + Babe)


Synopsis: These Chaos aren't very scary yet, as far as Chaos go. This match will be 12v12 with lots of av8 pieces to hit with Mighty Blow. We just hope to remove their goats faster than they remove our Humans! Chaos are still a deceptively competitive race, even without their kill skills. Positioning dynamics change on offense and defense when the other team can always blitz at 4 Strength. The Ogre could have a very big day with all those claw-less beastmen, or he could just Ogre. We will try to keep close track of the blocks coming in and going out this game. Its going to be another match we hope to control to a 2-1 victory.


Coin Toss: Lose! -- Chaos choose to receive first.

(Nice Weather)


Drive 1(T1): Kick to Chaos. Extra Re-Roll for both teams.


The opening kick takes a bounce-out for touch-back, and the Chaos side hands the ball right to a beefy Chaos Warrior. It's always unfortunate when you give races like Chaos a touch-back; we want them using their re-rolls to pickup or move the ball, instead of greed-rolling blocks against us!




Neither side are able to get any removals in the limited number of blocks being given up. Under heavy pressure against the sidelines, The Ultimate Diet go for an easy enough beastmen touchdown (even though we think they really would have preferred to run it in with that Chaos Warrior).


We're OK with them scoring here, they are giving us the ball right now AND after half-time! That's lots of free blocks for our Mighty Blow and two very reasonable chances to score.

T4 Score. 0-1 Humans


Drive 2(T4): Kick to Humans. Riot, +1 Turn.


It's time to do some damage! The extra turn is most likely of small favor to us. It's an extra turn to maybe beat up on him! And one player in particular came to lay the wood this drive: Eustachio Valverde. "He went ham" as the kids say.




Eustachio was good for an astounding *3* casualties this single drive. He burned the Chaos side's Apo on a failed resurrection to start things off. Later on he would put a nice little MNG on the Mighty Blow goat.


There was also a KO to be had by an unnamed Human player (You want to get recognized? Make a Cas next time!). A total of 4 removals inflicted and 0 sustained made this an easy drive for the humans.


The Chaos tried to pressure the game of catch going on backfield between Julio and Israel, but there just weren't enough goats to threaten them.


Thanks Eustachio.

T8 Score. 1-1 Humans


--Half Time--


Drive 3(T9): Kick to Humans. Rock Throw.


Well shit... that's not the start we wanted for our theoretical stall drive here... how much worse could it get??


This is Blood Bowl. It can always get worse.




Now that their only MB piece is MNG sidelined, the Chaos decide to start heating up their removal dice. We're really in no position to complain after the last drive where Eustachio murdered them either, but at least he has Mighty Blow!


Salsa Caliente tried to repeat their first drive of hiding the ball in the backfield until a late score, but the line did not hold up in front of them. The Chaos played a smothering and dominating half of defense against a human side that was caught unaware and stunned into submission.


They finally used their wizard on T15 to bolt the ball loose. Even without magical aid, the Chaos would not have had much trouble stopping this score.


They had 4 removals against the humans this drive, while only sustaining 1 KO to a goat.


Expectations of shitty-elf magic score on T16 evaporated with the opening failed GFI.


Final: 1-1 Draw


I don't think I was wrong to approach the 2nd half with the intent to stall-bash the Chaos, but I deserve blame for being unable to adapt my approach in a timely fashion when things started going poorly. Perhaps the opening rock throw removal should have been my sign to go for a safer and more secure fast score? They would have still had plenty of time to counter score, but I might have had the numbers to stop them. And a 2-2 draw is preferable to a 1-1 draw in terms of net SPP, as long as no extra casualties are accrued along the way.

Edited by J.J. Cash
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