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Hello everyone, glad to be back on the OCC!


I have decided to go Orcs for a change, as I have never been as good at bash as at AGI teams, or crazy stunty fun. What better team to learn with, than Orcs? I mean, I considered Chaos or Nurgle, but my soul wouldn't let me.


I have any decency at all, so I never even considered chorfs.


Still, Reports will be happening! I'm going to see how I go with the orcs for a season or two, if I'm having fun, if not maybe change. I'm still getting used to bloodbowl again after a long break, but already have a team over in the OFL, so I'm slowly shaking the rust off.


Looking forwards to some fun matches, and good luck to everyone in my starting division, 6A! Looks like a good variety of teams.

Edited by Remthar
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Thanks Doomy! :D


So the Heroes should have their first match on Tuesday, chaos. Possibly the only time we're going to be happy to see a chaos team up first! We're in 6A, and it looks like a nice diverse division too, so hopefully we'll have an interesting time.



  • :vamps:  Crunky Chops - Serial Sinkers - Vampire - -
  • :human:  brocCooLi - The OCC Crew - Human - -
  • :chaos:  Rama Set - Green Moon Fanatics - Chaos - -
  • :lizard:  wismerhill - Mythical Snakes - Lizardman - -
  • :underworld:  Keith Carr - snowflakes generation - Underworld - -
  • :orc:  Remthar - Great Green Heroes - Orc - -
  • :pelf:  Wainaja - Wreakful Burners - Elven Union - -
  • :welf:  Tomska - The ASDF'ers - Wood Elf - -
  • :dwarf:  Nateguy75 - Da Thunders - Dwarf - -
  • :khemri:  GH42 - <need to create team later today> - Khemri -

Not much to break down with rookie teams, so we'll just take them as they come! Wismerhill has kindly predicted 4th for me, which seems like a nice pleasantly optimistic target. My record with Orcs team is lasting about 4 matches in matchmatching with an average of three dead or maimed orcs by then. AV9 might be an even bigger lie than blodge. Hopefully we'll do better here!


Any shining pearls of orcy wisdom from the audience? So far the battle plan is 'Hit things and be green!' :D

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11 minutes ago, Rymdkejsaren said:

Trolls and goblins are what make orks fun to play! The other units can't fail at critical moments or get thrown at people.


Agreed! This is potential material for more interesting match reports than "hurr hurr we smash".

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If I ever play orks -- and I doubt I will -- I'll definitely go full troll throwing spec. Blorks can be bashers; the troll is there to throw gobbos at anything that moves. And then it's just a matter of getting an ag 4 gobbo and TOUCHDOWN MACHINE IS A GO!


Any other way of playing orks is clearly irresponsible. 

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The people seem to be demanding a troll, and I'm sure they have only the best interests of the teams victory at heart! Suido may have had a point about some ridiculous 'Team Value Optimization' thing, but it didn't rhyme, so I don't think it counts.


Also, the orcs in the championship have a troll, so it must be the way to endless victory.


As for goblins, well Lizardmen have stunties on their team, and they do great. Why not the same for us? It only makes sense.

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MD1 against the Green Moon Fanatics (Chaos)

Cubbles: “Hello there viewers, I am Cubbles Greenhill; Ace Reporter for the Moot Whombler, Host of the Moot and Cubbles Reports, Gossipmonger of the Bloodblotter and Host here on..

Seeing Green!


Meep: “Were we not called Herovision, Cubbles-little-fat-thing?”


Cubbles: “It turns out that name is copyright of the Herovision song contest, a singing competition among adventurers. So we’re already getting sued and had to change the name.”


Meep: “No! Do not let law-goblins take all Meeps cheesy things!”


Cubbles: “That’s not important right now, because we are live here on the Great Green Heroes bench to see their first game against The Great Green Fanatics.”


Meep: “...we are sure they are not Orc team too, yes-yes?”


Cubbles: Name aside, they are very definitely chaotic. Captain Rok Ard, what do you think of the opposition? ...Captain?”


Rok Ard: *From out in the middle of the LOS* “Waaaaugh!”


Cubbles: “Okay, yes, I now see the problem with this format. How can I talk to the team coach if he’s not here?! Meep, follow him!”


Meep: “What-what?! Meep is not going out there, that dangerous!”


Cubbles: “If we don’t make this a show, you won;t be able to afford more cheesy-things! You’ll be back to eating cardboard again! Now get out there, and try to stay out of the refs line of sight or you’ll be sent off!”


Meep: “Oh no, Oh dear, not Meep's cheesy-things! Meep will just hide behind Black Orcs…


Cubbles: “Just stay low! Now, Captain Rok Ard, what do you think of the Oppo…


Rok Ard: *Screaming directly into the camera* “WAAAAUGH!!!!” *Start whistle blows*


Meep: “Eeek! Orc-things start hitting, knock over LOS!”


Cubbles: *Hiding behind the Orc line* “Yes, they’re off Meep! The kick was deep, but Parakeet is running off on his own to get the ball…”


Parakeet: “Zogging ball, hafta do everyfin, stupid Zogin ball hafta miss da fight…”


Cubbles: “Well, more sort of a slow waddle really. But he brings it up to the team, and the Heroes are advancing pretty well…” *Beastman flies into view and hits the ground near Cubbles* “Yes, I think that’s a K.O! And judging from the twitching eyelids… a second over there!”


Meep: Stinking Orc things move slow, but try to change sides, evade chaos-things in way! Htting hard, but not making progress!”


Rok Ard: “Like we practised Boyz!”


Cubbles: All the Orcs move up into contact, attempting to overwhelm the Chaos! The Orc Cage around Parakeet swings out to the right! Follow it Meep!”


Meep: “Eeek! Beast-thing in-cage, back off, flee-flee!”


Rok Ard: “What da… da Beastmen are coming from inside da cage!


Cubbles: Yes, the Beastman Sand has been pushed inside the Hero cage and is confronting Parakeet!”


Parakeet: “Fuk it, you take da ball, you want it so much…”


Cubbles: “Parakeet throws the ball into Sands face, and it rebounds back hitting Parakeet! Parakeet is down, the ball is bouncing, its bounced off Meep and into the back!”


Meep: “Ouch-ouch!”


Cubbles: The ball is only next to Captain Rok Ard now, but he's not looking at it, he’s berating Parakeet!”


Rok Ard: “Do youz fukkin job, you zoggin lump!”


Slane Oberwald, Chaos Warrior: I’ll take this…


Cubbles: “Slane has the ball! He’s running like the winds of chaos are behind him!”


Rok Ard: “OI!”


Cubbles: “Rok Ard is after him, with the help of a line orc and shadez he brings him down! They’re wrestling around for the ball right on the edge of the pitch, but the fight is still going on in the midfeild!”


Meep: “Ober-slane-thing gets help from beastman, gets ball again, still running! Oh-no!”


Cubbles: “But Rok Ard is still after him and brings him down again! Right next to us, Chartreuse is fighting Beastman Sand, Chartreuse, what do you think of--”


Chartreuse: *Forms a perfect fist and strikes toward Sand. Just before it impacts, he suddenly curves his arm and the fist gracefully arcs around, slamming directly into his own face as if in slow motion. Teeth fly everywhere, impact waves reverberate through Chartreuse and his trousers fall down. He then slowly collapses, badly hurt*


Cubbles: “...Okay then.”


Meep: Orcs stand near ball, unwilling to pick it up! Chaos things try fancy moves, and set up opportunity, but beasty-things not dodge like good skaven, no-no, they fail and time is uo, half-time as 0-0!”




Cubbles: “Welcome back to the second half, viewers! With the game still tied, The Fanatics are now receiving. The Heroes kick goes very deep and lands right on one of the sidelines!”


Meep: The fans are rowdy, much cheering, shouting encouragement, almost safer on the pitch than off!”


Cubbles: “Yes Meep, both teams are taking encouragement from their fans, but the Fanatics suddenly seem to be needing it! They are struggling to land any hits on the LOS!”


From the chaos bench: “The Dark Gods are angry! They are Angry with usssss....”


Cubbles: Yes the Fanatic are definitely having problems, that's the second time warrior Davidgan has failed to pick up the ball already!


Davidgan: “I can’t see a thing in this helmet! There are three eye-holes and they are all in the wrong place!”


Cubbles: “As the chaos team descends into confusion, Rok Ard tries a cunning dodge to get near the ball!”


Rok Ard: “Watch dis kunnin mo--”


Meep: “Ard-thing eats face-full dirt, yes-yes!”


Cubbles: “The fanatics look like they’ve bashed themselves free for a moment, but next to the chaos endzone, Davidgan still hasn't been able to pick up the ball!”


Davidgan: “Dark Gods, why have you forsaken me?!”


*Booming Nuffle Laughter shakes the stadium*


Cubbles: “The Black Orcs are slowly wearing down the chaos, knocking out another Beastman and Black Orc Minty smashes the leg of a beast as well!”


Rok Ard: “Keep smashin’ ladz!”


Cubbles: “Rok Ard knocks away Davidgan and takes the ball! But Davidgan jumps up again and takes it straight back! But he’s badly outnumbered by the three Orc blitzers and the rest of the chaos players struggle to break away to help him. Rok Ard gets the ball on the ground again, and picks it up…”


Rok Ard: “I don’t get what all dah fuss is about dis thing.”


Cubbles: “He’s in the endzone! He scores! The extremely surprised Rok Ard has scored and brought the Great Green Heroes up 1-0!”


Meep: “And there is not enough time left for silly slow-things to score more touchdowns! Much pushing on line, but game ends 1-0 to Great Green-Orc-things!”


A very educational and lucky game to start off with. Rama Set outplayed me solidly in the first half, using a push I didn’t see to break my cage. But in the second half it all went to pieces for the chaos, as even with 4 rerolls they drained them rapidly on every other block while being unable to even pick up the ball.

I definitely have a lot more to learn with bash. I did alright with the hitting at first, but rapidly realized I wasn’t going anywhere fast despite it, and a MV5 thrower isn’t breaking away for the touchdown in a hurry. The second half was just a clown fiesta for the chaos and we got the win.

We got a good gold roll, so tune in next time for the introduction of the team's physio and the results of his training regime on the Black Orc that got the only Cas and the MVP...

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