Popular Post Bouffon Posted October 17, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted October 17, 2020 Evening of your moral alignment, ladies and gentlemen. Last week we interviewed Nuffle himself, and that proved a great success: our audience ratings soared and we didn't even have to replace Jenny and Dax who – after some trials and tribulations, extra tentacles and missing toes – made it safely back from the realm of the almighty. This week we're going to interview the next greatest divinity to directly affect the pitch, or perhaps he could be seen more as priest of Nuffle, for he reads Nuffle's sacred text and administers punishment and victories on the pitch. He is the slimiest coward most of you have ever seen or will ever see, he is... the referee. *Picture cuts to a almost totally dark corridor leading downwards. Floor, ceiling and walls are covered with warding runes and several traps can be seen, momentarily deactivated* Günther, our top still-living correspondent, is about to enter referee's hideout right now. For safety of everyone involved, we will not disclose the location of bunker-hole you are about to see. Most referees live in homes such as these, and only come out for the matches. It is a lonely and fearful life, but the few that manage to survive until retirement move to some other continent to live like kings... until assassins get to them, anyway. *Steel reinforced door at end of the corridor opens. Behind of it is a nice and surprisingly cozy room. In middle of the room sits a goblin in a white-black striped suit, pointing a huge knife towards the camera.* About time you got here sonny. I had to keep my traps down for full two minutes. Plenty of time for assassins to get in. I am sorry Bribesnitz, but one of your decapitation traps was still operation. It took me some time to navigate around it. Apology accepted, Günther, but I am Mr. Bribesnitz to you. My family has been referees for three generations, and my granddad even died of natural causes. You journalists should show some respects... or money, I also accepts money in lieu of respect. Oh yes, mr. Bribesnitz it is (please put that knife down). I am here to ask you some questions, as you know, for the benefit our viewers who so rarely see your side on the pitch. And that is what our first question is about. You referees are required to uphold Nuffle's sacred texts about touchdowns, illegal weapons, fouls and such, while most of the fans just come to see blood flow and body parts being ripped off. Do you ever think that fans are missing some part of the game, or do you wish you could enjoy the simplicity of carnage like they do, without caring about all the rules? That is a tricky question, Günther, like trying to woo a bloodweiser babe. I have to say that yes, there is a vast divide between referees and your casual blood bowl fans, but it is not about enjoying the game in a different manner. No, for me it all comes down to a big fat paycheck that I can spend on my creature comforts here on my hole. Personally I like reading and philosophy, as you might notice from my civilised parlance, so unlike those gutter-living average goblins. Frankly, I dislike blood bowl but being a referee is a well paying job with a good dental plan. Wow, you might have earned some new enemies with that answer Mr. Bribesnitz, assuming there was anyone left who didn't hate you... I meant the fans, please put the knife down. So, ehhhm, your attidute towards the game has been made clear. I assume that same goes for the fans? Most certainly and even more so. Any person or thing that enjoys blood bowl as a sport is should be somewhere below a snotling in a proper food chain, in my most humble opinion. If they happen to have a vested monetary interest, like yours truly, then I might forgive them for also liking the sport. However, fans only stand to lose money to those tickets they buy and they are never rich enough to bribe me (and my rates are reasonable). It is really hard to tell unwashed masses from Nurgle's cultists sometimes, I tell you. Thank you for being straight and candid, Mr. Bribesnitz. Our next question is... wait a second, what is a fan submitted question doing so early in my list? Oh well, let's give it a show: why did you eject Hubris Rakarth for fouling during Darkside Cowboy's last game? You were paid the appropriate bribe twice due to clerical error and everything? That is a strange question Günther. How do fans know such details of my finances? I only use premium banks, you know. Still, I like this question: it gives me opportunity to do some marketing. I ejected that overvalued so called star player, Hubris, because the Naggaroth Nightwings gave me a bribe three times the usual size before the game. It paid off for them, didn't it he-heh-heh-heeeee.... urgghhh... *Bribesnitz keels over and falls on a table he was sitting next to, his knife slipping from his hand. As the lifeless body of the goblin referee slides down the table a new figure emerges in the screen. It is a shadow within shadows, an assassin.* Oh dear Nuffle... dear viewers, it seems like Mr. Bribesnitz has been assassinated in a live broadcast. I don't see the assassin in question very well, but I can make out some elvish traits. Now it is moving towards me, still in the shadows, and... and... and I think it is Horkn Heartripper himself! This is truly an honour Mr. Heartripper, I am a great fan of your work and I would like to ask for your autograph... you could write it with blood of Mr. Bribesknitz here, come to think of it. Sorry, I didn't hear you very well, what did you say? What about witnesses? No, no-no-no-nooo, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, PUT THAT KNIFE DOOOOOOOOoooooowwnnn.... 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards 5 2
Doomy77 Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 There appears to be an issue with the link which may result in this excellent post getting fewer likes than it deserves. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards 4
Bouffon Posted October 18, 2020 Author Share Posted October 18, 2020 Thanks. The original link works, so copypaste must have warped the link if there are issues with it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards 5 2
Doomy77 Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 6 minutes ago, Bouffon said: Thanks. The original link works, so copypaste must have warped the link if there are issues with it. I just gave you an extra like to partially compensate you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards 4
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