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The referee blowing the final whistle. The team’s public relations manager takes over, issuing orders from a different kind of playbook…


         IF home team AND (won AND/OR caused many casualties), THEN celebrate on pitch, sign orcagraffs, smile for instablam piks.

         ELSE hide in the dugout. Quickly.


The fans leaving the stadium in disarray. Which? Both. Cleaners and tradies move in, fixing the damage as per the owner’s budget and vision statement. The best blood stains are left to dry. Stadiums in gentrified suburbs employ artisanal woodworkers to create an authentically ramshackle look. This makes older fans very angry.


The lineman lying on the apothecary’s bench. Another broken bone. Another missed match. The surgical cuts hurt, but not as much as the final cut made the coach. Two seasons; too slow, son. You made it to the big league, you played your part and I respect that so I’m telling you personally. Enjoy the memories. No, we don’t need an assistant coach. Go see Doris about your wages. Yeah, I do mean Doris da Troll. She helps payroll with potentially difficult situations. I suggest you don’t be difficult. Get outta here.


The coach standing in the stadium owner’s office. Another failed season. Another drop in attendance. The team has been spiralling, deaths and debts accumulating like mud and blood on the armour. You promised you’d turn it around. You couldn’t keep your star catcher alive. The fans loved him. Where are those fans now? Why would new fans show up to see a broken team that can’t even win ugly? Time’s up. This stadium has bigger dreams and needs bigger teams. You don’t fit our vision statement. Get outta here.


Horkon Heartripper isn’t the only reason Blood Bowl is a cut-throat business. Every season, dreams of players, coaches and fans crumble. The path to fame and glory is paved with the skilful, the tough and the rich that lacked luck. Despite this, we play on. We watch on. We invest in this cruel and largely unrewarding endeavour.


To paraphrase ‘Halberd’ Einstein… only two things are infinite: troll stupidity and the hope that underpins Blood Bowl... and I’m not sure about the trolls. I’m David Rattenborough, this has been Blood Bowl Planet, and I’ll see you next season.

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4 hours ago, Doomy77 said:

A perfect ending to another season of wonderful fluff. Congratulations, team.


Thank you, and that goes for each of your appreciative comments :D 

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