BeaWolf Posted October 5, 2024 Posted October 5, 2024 (edited) Welcome to The Blitz! Issue: S2M6 The tension in the Orca-Cola Championship continues to build as we head into Matchday 6. Fans were treated to thrilling matches and unexpected turns as teams fought tooth and nail for the top spots. As the tournament reaches its mid-point, the stakes are higher than ever, and we're here to bring you all the insights you need. Let's break down the key moments, division standings, and stories that made Matchday 6 one to remember! 1. Latest Match Day Highlights Matchday Overview: Matchday 6 didn't disappoint, with dramatic battles and impressive strategies on display. The top teams strengthened their lead while the underdogs fought valiantly for survival. The divisions saw medicore casualty counts, but also some incredible moments of brilliance from coaches and players alike. Which teams were able to rise to the occasion, and which fell short? Let’s dive into the highlights! Matchday Stat Highlights: Average Touchdowns per Match: 1.2 Average Casualties per Match: 1.7 Most Touchdowns in a Match: 5 Division 4A: Journeymen Aces (Wood Elf) Most Casualties in a Match: 8 Division 2A: Everton Reserves OCC (Chaos Chosen) Best Coach of the Matchday: @Bantha 2. Matchday Stat Breakdown Top Divisional Stats: Championship: Top Team: HLiNiC, Bunch of Gamers with 14 points Most Touchdowns: Nao, The piont of view, 10 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Djikicigo, Akkordion Soul Crew, 23 casualties inflicted Division 1A: Top Team: Leman_X_Russ, Heisemer Boyz with 14 points Most Touchdowns: Khornight, OCC-Much ado about Gnawin, 14 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Leman_X_Russ, Heisemer Boyz, 26 casualties inflicted Division 1B: Top Team: Bantha, OZZ Top with 15 points Most Touchdowns: Bantha, OZZ Top, 11 TDs Most Brutal Hit: TheSpydyr, LizOrcaMen ColaGuzzlers, 22 casualties inflicted Division 2A: Top Team: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC with 12 points Most Touchdowns: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 12 TDs Most Brutal Hit: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 23 casualties inflicted Division 2B: Top Team: Snowtroll, Obsidian Maulers with 13 points Most Touchdowns: andydavo, OCC Championship Necro, 9 TDs Most Brutal Hit: andydavo, OCC Championship Necro, 11 casualties inflicted Division 3A: Top Team: Tribble, Nibblers with 13 points Most Touchdowns: Thernlow, [OCC] The Cheese's Knees, 11 TDs Most Brutal Hit: YourEvilWays, OCC Who Let The Dogs Out, 18 casualties inflicted Division 4A: Top Team: f1anker, F1 with 13 points Most Touchdowns: Doubletime, Journeymen Aces, 12 TDs Most Brutal Hit: BB_Nut, Los Nuts, 17 casualties inflicted Division 4B: Top Team: BallztotheWalla, Goatvomit And Gasmasks with 15 points Most Touchdowns: BallztotheWalla, Goatvomit And Gasmasks, 79 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Hyperbrain, Overnite Sensation, 16 casualties inflicted Division 4C: Top Team: Aycee71, Construction Crew with 12 points Most Touchdowns: Alessus, The Orca Cola Champions, 11 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Aycee71, Construction Crew, 18 casualties inflicted Notable Coaches: Some coaches have gone above and beyond, showing dominance in multiple facets of the game. Whether it's leading their division, racking up touchdowns, or being the most brutal on the pitch, these coaches have truly set themselves apart. Leading in all three categories! Top Team, Most Touchdowns, and Most Casualties, these standouts have made an impression that cannot be ignored. Division 2A: @mbCARMAC - Everton Reserves OCC mbCARMAC has emerged as an absolute standout who has proven to be a coach with not only a tactical mind for scoring but also an iron will when it comes to dishing out injuries. It's rare to find a coach who can balance offensive prowess with raw brutality, and mbCARMAC is doing just that, leaving his competitors in awe... and sometimes in pieces. 3. Featured Articles & Latest Stories "Life After Blood Bowl – Where Do the Fallen Heroes Go?" By Maxwell Quillford Injuries are inevitable in Blood Bowl. Crushed limbs, cracked skulls, and the occasional dismemberment are just part of the game. But what happens to the players who are so grievously injured that their teams have no choice but to let them go? Former players who once stood proudly on the pitch, adored by fans, often find themselves discarded, no longer fit to score touchdowns or bring down a charging Troll. Some manage to stay in the game. I met Grungar "The Wall" Ironfist, who now runs a modest training camp for Orc youth. "I can't blitz anymore," he said, pointing to his twisted knee, "but I can teach the young’uns how to hurt people the right way." He grinned. Others are not so lucky. The underbelly of Blood Bowl society is filled with former players taking whatever they can get. A former Skaven lineman shared tales of teammates who took up pit fighting, scrambling for coin in underground arenas. "It’s not much," he said, "but at least this time they get to bite people without a ref blowing a whistle." And then there are those like Squeek, a former Gutter Runner who lost his leg and ended up with nothing. "Last I heard, Squeek was living under the stands at Spike! Magazine Stadium," the lineman whispered. "Chewing on the discarded dead bodies from the match. They say it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet down there." The journey from celebrated player to discarded hero is a stark reminder of the brutality of Blood Bowl. For every star who becomes, there are dozen others whose stories fade into obscurity….forgotten by fans and forsaken by fate. "Goblin Gaffes and Referee Blunders – The Real Showstoppers of Blood Bowl" By Gary Spitstorm Blood Bowl is a game of strategy, strength, and sheer brutality, but let's be honest—sometimes it's the chaos off the ball that gives us the real entertainment. The Blitz!’s very own bulldog, Gary Spitstorm, is here to talk about those "unforgettable" moments we all secretly love! Referee blunders and goblin sideline gaffes that make Blood Bowl what it is! Take last week's matches, for instance. A Goblin chainsaw-wielding loony accidentally sliced through his own team's apothecary tent during a sideline frenzy. Classic goblin madness! As the tent came crashing down, the team’s prized Troll got tangled in the mess, ending up with a face full of leeches. Did it affect the match? Probably not, but it was certainly something to behold. And what about the referees? Ever wonder what they're doing when they’re not blowing the whistle for fouls? Turns out, there’s a lot more going on during the game than most fans realize. One referee I spoke to, who asked to remain anonymous (for good reason), shared that sometimes it’s not the match that has his attention, it’s the trouble he’s trying to avoid on the sidelines. Between dodging an angry Ogre charging straight at them or trying to escape a brawl that spills over from the benches, referees have a tough time just staying alive. And it’s not just the players they have to worry about. A certain gang of shady individuals is known for showing up at matches to remind referees about certain "financial obligations." Apparently, a missed payment can lead to a lot more trouble than just a slap on the wrist. "I had to keep my eyes on a couple of rather unpleasant characters during the last match," the referee muttered. "If you saw me looking the other way when that foul happened, well, let’s just say I was more worried about losing my kneecaps than missing a late hit." Referees aren't just dodging charging Trolls and angry fans….. ever noticed that sometimes, in the middle of a match, a new referee seems to appear out of nowhere? Well, now you know! That's not by accident. So next time you’re watching a Blood Bowl match, remember: it's not just about touchdowns and tackles, it's also about the constant game of survival that the referees play, dodging not just the action on the field, but also the danger lurking on the sidelines. Whether it's a goblin gone wild or a referee trying to shake off a debt collector, the chaos beyond the ball is what makes Blood Bowl truly special. 4. Upcoming Matches & Matches to Watch Next Matchday Tease: Get ready for Matchday S2M7, where tensions are high and rivalries are boiling over. Will the underdogs continue their streak, or will the powerhouses crush them? Matches to Watch: Championship: Don’t Panic vs. Bunch of Gamers Can the Dark Elves of Don’t Panic stay calm in the face of the relentless Bunch of Gamers? It's elven finesse against undead resilience, and only one can walk away on top. Expect a tactical showdown with a side of broken bones. Division 2B: OOGA BOOGA vs. OCC Championship Necro The OOGA BOOGA Orcs are ready to bring the smackdown, but OCC Championship Necro won't go down without a fight! Will the relentless Orc aggression overpower the Necromantic craftiness, or will the Necro rise again? Division 3A: Nibblers vs. The StandRat Model It’s a matchup between the undead horrors of Nibblers and the cunning Skaven of The StandRat Model. Expect an eerie combination of dark magic, rotting limbs, and Skaven trickery. The Necromantic Horror will be out for some fresh rat meat, while the Skaven will try to outrun and outsmart their grotesque opponents. Who will come out on top…..flesh or fur? Division 4A: F1 vs. Journeymen Aces Speed meets agility in this high-octane matchup! F1 will try to zoom their way to victory, but the Journeymen Aces are seasoned Wood Elves who know how to swerve around the competition. Will the Skaven race across the pitch unchallenged, or can the Elves' finesse steal the checkered flag? 5. Call to Action – Stay Connected! Think you’ve seen it all? Think again! Stay tuned for more hard-hitting articles, wild interviews, and the latest stats from the Orca-Cola League. No story is too small and no scandal too big for The Blitz! We want to hear from you – got an idea for a story, a match that deserves coverage, or a juicy scandal? Share it with us, and let's make this weekly edition fresh and entertaining together! Edited October 27, 2024 by BeaWolf 1 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 5, 2024 Author Posted October 5, 2024 (edited) Welcome to The Blitz! The Ultimate Source for Blood Bowl Carnage and Chaos! Whether you’ve come for the blood, the brawls, or the breathtaking glory of Blood Bowl, you’ve arrived at the right place! The Blitz! isn’t just a magazine, it’s an experience. We take you inside the world’s most dangerous sport with unfiltered access to the greatest games, fiercest rivalries, and most jaw dropping scandals. Here at The Blitz! we believe Blood Bowl is more than just a game. It’s an adrenaline pumping spectacle, a battlefield of strategy and savagery, where the line between life and death is thin, and the stakes are always high. If you're tired of watered down reporting and safe analysis, you've come to the right place. We don’t hold back! The Blitz! tells it how it is, no matter how brutal. What Makes The Blitz! the Best? 1. Unparalleled Access to the Blood Bowl World We’re not just reporting from the sidelines, we’re deep in the thick of it. Our team of fearless journalists go where others dare not tread, chasing stories in the darkest alleys and deadliest arenas. From the pregame plotting to the postgame brawls, The Blitz! gives you exclusive coverage that brings you closer to the action than ever before. Whether it’s the underhanded deals happening off the pitch or the bone crushing hits on it, The Blitz! has you covered. 2. The Hardest Hitting Stories and Scandals The Blitz! doesn’t just cover the games, we uncover the hidden truths that shape them. Corruption, bribery, sabotage, we’ve seen it all. When other magazines shy away from the tough stories, we dive in headfirst, ready to expose the gritty underbelly of the sport you love. If there's a secret to be found or a scandal waiting to explode, we’re already two steps ahead. Why settle for soft reporting when you can have the uncut, raw truth? 3. Fearless Reporting – No Sugarcoating, No Apologies We know Blood Bowl isn’t for the faint of heart, and neither is our reporting. Our stories hit as hard as the players themselves, with bold, brutal honesty that other magazines can’t match. If you want fluff, go elsewhere. If you want the truth, the whole, bloody truth, you’ll find it here. We bring you in depth interviews, shocking exposes, and stories that cut to the core of what makes Blood Bowl the most thrilling sport in the Old World. 4. Stats and Analysis for the True Blood Bowl Fan Are you hungry for the numbers behind the carnage? You’ll love our detailed stats and analysis, breaking down the highs, lows, and game changing moments that define each match. We go beyond the surface, giving you the real data that matters, player performance, team dynamics, match histories, and the hard stats that shape the sport. Our stats are more than just numbers, they tell the story of each bone crunching match, and they let you dive deeper into the strategy behind the chaos. 5. Get the Inside Scoop on the Blood Bowl Legends and Rookies Alike The Blitz! gives you the inside look at both the stars of today and the rising legends of tomorrow. We don’t just cover the obvious big names, you’ll find stories on the up-and-coming players, the unsung heroes, and even the underdogs fighting their way to the top. Whether it’s the powerful veterans or the raw rookies, we bring you their stories, their struggles, and their victories in all their blood-soaked glory. If they’ve made an impact on the pitch, we’re on it. 6. All the Action – As it Happens! We know that true fans want to be part of the action, not just hear about it afterward. The Blitz! provides realtime updates, live coverage, and expert commentary on the hottest matches and moments. Our dedicated team is always on the ground, reporting the chaos as it unfolds, so you’ll never miss a second of the thrill. If it's happening in Blood Bowl, you'll hear about it first from us. Join the Fans Who Demand the Best At The Blitz! we don’t just cater to casual fans. We serve those who live and breathe Blood Bowl, the ones who know that every tackle, every foul, every touchdown is part of something much bigger. We know that Blood Bowl fans are a special breed, you crave the excitement, the danger, the unpredictability of the sport, and we’re here to feed that hunger. That’s why we deliver the most visceral, unrelenting, and addictive content out there. Love the underdog stories? So do we. Crave the drama and scandal? We’ve got you covered. Can’t get enough of the brawls, the blood, and the mayhem? Look no further. We promise you’ll never read an issue of The Blitz! and walk away bored. In fact, we guarantee you’ll be hooked from the moment you turn the first page. Blood, Sweat, and Glory – All at Your Fingertips What sets The Blitz! apart isn’t just our fearless approach to journalism, it’s our passion for the sport. We don’t just cover Blood Bowl; we’re immersed in it. Every article, every stat, every insider report is crafted by those who love the game as much as you do. We understand the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, and we live for the moment when chaos and strategy collide on the pitch. Whether you’re a diehard fan, a seasoned player, or just someone who loves watching the action unfold, The Blitz! is the place where you can get your fix. Blood Bowl isn’t a hobby, it’s an obsession. And we’re here to make sure you never miss a moment. Why Settle for Less? Subscribe Now! Other magazines may give you the basics, but we know you’re not here for basic. You want the full Blood Bowl experience, the blood, the brawls, the behind the scenes intrigue that makes the game what it is. And that’s what we deliver. So why wait? Join the most intense, most thrilling Blood Bowl magazine out there. Subscribe today and become part of a community that celebrates the chaos and glory of Blood Bowl the way it was meant to be, unfiltered, unapologetic, and unstoppable. Welcome to The Blitz! – Where Blood Bowl is more than just a game. Edited October 10, 2024 by BeaWolf 1 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 5, 2024 Author Posted October 5, 2024 (edited) "The Hidden Chaos – What’s Really Happening in the OCC?" By Maxwell Quillford, investigative journalist forThe Blitz! As Match Day 4 unfolds, the Orca-Cola Championship is beginning to resemble something more akin to a Goblin’s prank than the well-oiled machine it used to be. Since the start of Season 2, something has gone deeply wrong, and, regrettably, it appears we’re only scratching the surface of a much larger issue. Traditionally, fans and coaches alike could expect a reliable trickle of "leaks" detailing upcoming matches, a common practice, offering enough predictability to prepare for the carnage. But this season? Silence. Utter silence. And when it comes to Blood Bowl, silence is far more troubling than the usual chaos. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been investigating this strange and unsettling phenomenon, seeking to understand the source of the disruption. It was my hope to gather all the necessary information before publishing anything, but recent events have led me to release what I have uncovered thus far. There’s more to the story than meets the eye, and I assure you, I intend to uncover it. The Mysterious Silence – What We Know So Far From the start of Season 2, something has felt… off. The match schedules, once semi-predictable and often leaked ahead of time, have become a tightly kept secret. I’ve spent weeks digging for answers, and while I’ve uncovered fragments of the truth, the full picture remains elusive. What I have discovered, however, is troubling. Through interviews with OCC officials (who understandably wish to remain anonymous), I’ve learned that the scheduling system has, for lack of a better word, broken down. Teams are being matched with opponents they’ve already faced, and no one, not even the officials, seems to know who will play who until the whistle blows. “It’s random,” one official admitted after much persuasion. “We’ve lost control of the system. The matches… they’re all over the place. We’re trying to fix it” It’s clear the OCC is struggling to maintain control over the situation, but they’re keeping it tightly under wraps, hoping to fix it before the fans catch on. A Story Half-Told Now, while I’d prefer to keep investigating until the entire truth is unearthed, circumstances require that we move forward with the information we have. There’s a delicate balance between uncovering the facts and ensuring that the public is informed in a timely manner. Of course, more questions remain than answers at this stage, but it is my professional duty to reveal what has been uncovered so far. I have no doubt that further details will come to light in the near future, and The Blitz! will be at the forefront of delivering those revelations. In truth, rushing to publish a story that feels incomplete brings a certain unease, after all, chaos tends to breed speculation, and speculation? Well, it’s the last thing we need in a situation that is already teetering on the edge. Dwig Ironbeard – The Unexpected Source In the spirit of uncovering all angles of this mystery, I was encouraged to speak with none other than Dwig Ironbeard, our resident statistician. While normally focused on cold, hard numbers, Dwig has recently taken an interest in more… speculative matters. It was clear from the moment I entered his office that Dwig had already developed a theory, a bold theory, to say the least. He didn’t waste any time. “Maxwell, it’s Cyanide,” he declared, barely letting me sit down. “Cyanide?” I asked, already regretting the question. “The lesser Chaos god of despair,” he whispered with an almost reverent tone. “It’s him. He’s behind all of this.” I confess, I had not anticipated this. While Dwig is certainly… enthusiastic, I had hoped for something a bit more grounded. “Cyanide isn’t… a Chaos god,” I said carefully. “That’s not… that’s not even a word.” Dwig waved me off, as if I were the one speaking nonsense. “The officials won’t admit it, but it’s obvious. The randomness, the despair! it’s all his doing. He’s pulling the strings, sowing chaos across the entire season.” I could hardly argue with him, though not for lack of trying. But Dwig had made up his mind, and once that happens, there’s little point in challenging it. Where Do We Go From Here? So, what do we know? The scheduling system has failed. The officials are scrambling to regain control, but the situation remains volatile. The truth, it seems, is still out there, waiting to be uncovered. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be fixed by next matchday, that the OCC will regain its footing, and that normalcy will return. But for now, uncertainty reigns. And while conspiracy theories like Dwig’s might provide some with an entertaining distraction, the reality is far more complicated, and far more concerning. Rest assured I’ll continue to dig for the full story. There’s more to this than meets the eye, and when I have it, you’ll be the first to know. Until then, all we can do is wait, and hope that this chaos doesn’t spiral further out of control. Edited October 10, 2024 by BeaWolf 1 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 6, 2024 Author Posted October 6, 2024 "The Interview That Wasn't" Madeline Grimshade had a reputation. Sharp, focused, and relentless, she had earned her place as the editor-in-chief of The Blitz! through sheer force of will. Her office, usually a chaotic mess of papers, ink stains, and half-written notes, was a reflection of her mind, a place where control and chaos existed side by side. Today, though, her office was unusually tidy. The clutter had been swept away, and the desk was meticulously clean, as though preparing for something important. She rarely handled interviews herself anymore, but this was different. The transformation of The Quarantined Crew, formerly the Pub Brawlers, had been called one of the most shocking stories of the league. But that wasn’t why Grimshade was here. She had a more personal reason for this interview. There was something about Coach BeaWolf that intrigued her. She wasn’t sure why, exactly, but his confidence, his larger-than-life persona, and the way he dominated the headlines had drawn her in. And now, as she waited for him, her fingers absently tapped the side of the clean notebook in front of her. When the door opened, it wasn’t just BeaWolf who entered. It was his presence, filling the room before he even spoke. He walked in as though he owned the space, his grin wide and self-assured. Grimshade, normally the one in control of the room, found herself standing up, extending a hand, and saying, “Coach BeaWolf, welcome.” BeaWolf took her hand with the kind of grip that told you he wasn’t just here for an interview, he was here to take over. “Grimshade,” he said, his voice booming, “I knew you’d come around. This is the story of the year, after all.” Grimshade gestured toward the chair across from her desk. BeaWolf took the seat as though he had decided to sit, not as if she had invited him to. “You want to know about the transformation, don’t you?” BeaWolf leaned forward, his eyes gleaming with the kind of confidence that couldn’t be faked. “Well, let me tell you, it’s more than just a transformation. It’s a rebirth.” Grimshade, her quill ready in hand, tried to guide the conversation. “Coach, your team, ” “The Quarantined Crew,” he interrupted, waving her off with a dismissive grin. “We’re not just a team anymore. We’re something bigger. Nurgle saw what we were doing on the field, saw the way we dominated, the way we played, and he decided to bless us. Bless us! Grimshade! We’re unstoppable now.” Her quill hovered over the page, but Grimshade found herself listening more than writing. BeaWolf’s energy was infectious. She had dealt with egos before, but this was different. He didn’t just believe in his team’s transformation, he believed in his own myth. “And the fans,” BeaWolf continued, a gleam in his eye, “they know it too. You should see the stands when we play. Packed. Absolutely packed. There’s nothing like it. Other teams? They’ve got nothing on us. The fans come to see us.” Grimshade smiled, but her mind raced. This wasn’t the interview she had prepared for. BeaWolf was steering the conversation in whatever direction suited him. And for some reason, Grimshade wasn’t stopping him. “I’ve seen reports,” BeaWolf went on, as though answering a question she hadn’t asked. “Some say the other team had more fans last match. But that’s fake news, Grimshade. You know it, and I know it. Other teams pay people to show up and pretend to support them, but even those paid fans? They’re miserable. You can see it. They’re dying to cheer for the winning side, for us.” Grimshade’s fingers lightly touched the notebook again, but she didn’t write. Her questions, neatly organized on the page, remained unanswered. And yet, BeaWolf’s words filled the room, leaving little space for anything else. “You see,” BeaWolf continued, leaning back now, his hands gesturing grandly, “Nurgle didn’t just bless us to play the game. He blessed us to dominate. The rest of the league? They’re scared, Grimshade. They know we’re different now. They see what Nurgle has given us, and they can’t handle it.” Grimshade’s lips parted, as if to ask a question, but BeaWolf barreled on without missing a beat. His voice swelled with every word, his confidence growing by the minute. “We’re not just here to win, Grimshade. We’re here to crush. To leave our mark on the league forever. And the fans? They’ll follow us to the ends of the earth.” Grimshade felt a strange conflict within herself. Normally, she would have taken control by now, steered the conversation back to her prepared questions, regained the upper hand. But with BeaWolf sitting there, filling the room with his overwhelming presence, she found herself yielding, letting him talk. Slowly, she closed her notebook. Part of her was frustrated. Part of her was… intrigued. “And the losses?” she asked softly, almost hesitantly. BeaWolf laughed, the sound echoing off the walls. “Losses? Grimshade, there are no losses. Only flukes. The refs are in on it. The other teams are desperate. They’ll do anything to slow us down. But it won’t work. We’re unstoppable.” Her notebook remained closed, the questions fading into the background. BeaWolf had taken over, and Grimshade, for reasons she couldn’t fully explain, let him. There was something about his energy, his dominance, that kept her from pushing back. She was used to being in control, but in BeaWolf’s presence, she found herself almost… comfortable with the loss of it. As BeaWolf stood to leave, he offered her a grin that could have filled a stadium. “By the end of the season, Grimshade, everyone’s going to know who we are. And who I am.” Grimshade nodded, though her mind was elsewhere. She watched him leave, the door clicking shut behind him, leaving her in the stillness of her office. The silence felt heavier now, as if the very air had been changed by his presence. Her fingers brushed against the notebook, but she didn’t open it. 1 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 10, 2024 Author Posted October 10, 2024 Welcome to The Blitz! Issue: S2M4 Dive into the Chaos of Blood Bowl! Every issue of the Orca-Cola Section delivers the most intense coverage of the latest match day, complete with stats, stories, and behind-the-scenes scandals. Whether you're here for the facts or the wild tales from the pitch, you've found your home. Stay tuned as we bring you everything from the biggest victories to the most brutal beatdowns! 1. Latest Match Day Highlights Matchday S2M4 Overview: Matchday 4 delivered a series of shocking twists and unexpected outcomes across all divisions, boasting some high injury counts. Fans were on the edge of their seats as the standings were shaken by dramatic upsets. Which teams emerged victorious amid the turmoil, and which are barely hanging on by a thread? Let’s dive into the highlights! Matchday Stat Highlights: Average Touchdowns per Match: 1.0 Average Casualties per Match: 1.9 Most Touchdowns in a Match: 3 Division 1A: OCC-Much ado about Gnawin (Skaven) Division 1A: Disco Cziis (Human) Division 3A: [OCC] The Cheese's Knees (Skaven) Division 3A: Nibblers (Necromantic Horror) Most Casualties in a Match: 8 Division 1A: Disco Cziis (Human) Best Coach of the Matchday: @ikis the sisaxis 2. Season 2 Stat Breakdown Top Divisional Stats: Championship: Top Team: HLiNiC, Bunch of Gamers with 10 points Most Touchdowns: Nao, The piont of view, 6 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Wenteros, Bearded Beerchuggers, 17 injuries inflicted Division 1A: Top Team: Khornight, OCC-Much ado about Gnawin with 10 points Most Touchdowns: Khornight, OCC-Much ado about Gnawin, 9 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Leman_X_Russ, Heisemer Boyz, 15 injuries inflicted Division 1B: Top Team: Pidpad, Frog Salad with 10 points Most Touchdowns: Bantha, OZZ Top, 8 TDs Most Brutal Hit: TheSpydyr, LizOrcaMen ColaGuzzlers, 15 injuries inflicted Division 2A: Top Team: Javelin, Never-were Horrors with 8 points Most Touchdowns: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 8 TDs Most Brutal Hit: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 15 injuries inflicted Division 2B: Top Team: SimplySimple, OOGA BOOGA with 10 points Most Touchdowns: Ethelred, The Zero Heroes, 6 TDs Most Brutal Hit: SimplySimple, OOGA BOOGA, 4 injuries inflicted Division 3A: Top Team: Thernlow, [OCC] The Cheese's Knees with 10 points Most Touchdowns: Thernlow, [OCC] The Cheese's Knees, 8 TDs Most Brutal Hit: YourEvilWays, OCC Who Let The Dogs Out, 14 injuries inflicted Division 4A: Top Team: f1anker, F1 with 12 points Most Touchdowns: f1anker, F1, 8 TDs Most Brutal Hit: BB_Nut, Los Nuts, 15 injuries inflicted Division 4B: Top Team: BallztotheWalla, Goatvomit And Gasmasks with 9 points Most Touchdowns: Hyperbrain, Overnite Sensation, 4 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Hyperbrain, Overnite Sensation, 11 injuries inflicted Division 4C: Top Team: Aycee71, Construction Crew with 8 points Most Touchdowns: Alessus, The Orca Cola Champions, 7 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Aycee71, Construction Crew, 11 injuries inflicted 3. Featured Articles & Latest Stories Leader: "The Blitz! Welcomes Dwig Ironbeard – Calculations Redefined!" By Madeline Grimshade The Blitz! is proud to announce our newest addition to the team, Dwig Ironbeard! Previously one of the standout analysts for the Official Carnage Calculations, Dwig's expertise in bringing chaos to order is unmatched. The Blitz! knew talent when we saw it, and we couldn't let Dwig remain tied to the bureaucracy of official league numbers. His fiery passion for statistics, combined with his unrivaled ambition, makes him the perfect fit for us. With Dwig, we're not just reporting the stats, we're bringing them to life, and making them loud! Welcome aboard, Dwig. This is going to be a season for the record books. Latest Scandal: "The Burger That Bites Back: A Scandal at Nurgle King" By Maxwell Quillford When you order a Nurgle King burger, you expect the usual assortment of vaguely edible substances. Mystery meat patties, suspect sauces, and a touch of whatever corruption Nurgle sees fit to bless it with. But what if the "mystery" in your mystery meat was that it was actually... meat? Real, actual meat? That's the scandal that rocked the fast-food chain last week when reports emerged that a shipment of real animal meat had somehow made its way into Nurgle King's supply line. The revelation left patrons of the Chaos-blessed establishment in disbelief, and not the good kind. After all, when you've promised your customers a culinary journey into the heart of rot, filth, and corruption, finding something ordinary and, dare we say, normal, in the mix feels like a betrayal. Nurgle King has refused to comment on the matter, leaving fans and customers alike wondering how such a mix-up could have happened. The promise of extra decay has been offered to loyal customers in the next batch of burgers, but for now, the questions linger. 4. Upcoming Matches & Matches to Watch Next Matchday Tease: Get ready for Matchday S2M5, where tensions are high and rivalries are boiling over. Will the underdogs continue their streak, or will the powerhouses crush them? Matches to Watch: Championship: Bunch of Gamers vs. Raspel’s Ainur Division 2A: Everton Reserves OCC vs. Never-were Horrors Division 2B: Bögenhafen Trouts vs. OOGA BOOGA Division 4B: Fernageddon vs. Goatvomit And Gasmasks 5. Call to Action! Think you’ve seen it all? Think again! Stay tuned for more hard-hitting articles, wild interviews, and the latest stats from the Orca-Cola League. No story is too small and no scandal too big for The Blitz! We want to hear from you – got an idea for a story, a match that deserves coverage, or a juicy scandal? Share it with us, and let's make this weekly edition fresh and entertaining together! 1 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 14, 2024 Author Posted October 14, 2024 Dwig Ironbeard had only been at The Blitz! for a few weeks, but his presence was impossible to ignore. The dwarf bustled about the office with an air of inflated authority, his voice often rising above the general din. From day one, Dwig made sure everyone knew he was "handpicked by Grimshade herself" from the Official Carnage Calculations, and in his mind, that clearly meant something more. Something grander. Dwig had become the self-appointed right-hand man to Madeline Grimshade. He often followed her around, loudly making notes, offering suggestions, and generally making himself a nuisance. To Grimshade’s credit, she let him be, rarely bothering to correct his behavior outright. She wasn’t the type to openly admit mistakes, and it seemed easier to let Dwig's antics slide, at least for the time being. Maxwell, meanwhile, tried to maintain order in the editorial room. He would straighten his papers, adjust his quill, and sigh deeply as Dwig’s voice echoed from across the room. “Oi! Maxwell! Have you sent those match reports to Grimshade yet?” Dwig boomed, strutting towards Maxwell’s desk. Maxwell clenched his jaw and gave a tight smile. “I don’t recall you being in charge of that, Dwig.” “Ah, but that’s where you're wrong, mate!” Dwig puffed up his chest, his braided beard bobbing with each word. “Grimshade and I have an understanding, y’know? She values my oversight.” At his own desk, one of the other writers, Gary, exchanged a bemused glance with Maxwell. The question hung in the air: Was Dwig actually Grimshade’s second-in-command? Grimshade hadn’t confirmed it, but she hadn’t denied it either, which made the office a fertile ground for speculation. Dwig, seemingly oblivious to the skepticism around him, leaned in closer to Maxwell. “Now, I’ve been thinkin’, we need to spice up the next match preview. Grimshade’s been lookin’ for something bold. I say we add some fire, eh? Maybe write up some of those ‘exclusive rumors’ the fans are always whispering about. You know, stuff that grabs attention!” Maxwell inserted with a hint of frustration, "You mean something like a referee admitting to bribery?" Dwig's eyes lit up as if Maxwell had just handed him a golden idea. He nodded eagerly, a grin spreading across his face. "That's it, Maxwell! Bribery! Imagine the headlines!" He slapped a stack of papers on Maxwell's desk. "I’ll take this to Grimshade. She’s going to love it. It’s what the readers want, a bit of drama, a bit of scandal. Bribery! Imagine the headlines! And as Grimshade’s right-hand dwarf, I’m tellin’ ya, that’s what we’ll do." Just then, the door to Grimshade’s office swung open, and Madeline Grimshade herself stood in the doorway. Dwig puffed out his chest, a gleam of triumph in his eyes as he rushed over to her. "Grimshade! I've got an idea that's going to knock everyone's socks off!" Dwig announced, barely able to contain his excitement. "A referee scandal! Bribery! Think of the attention it’ll get." Grimshade paused, her brow lifting slightly. She folded her arms, a calculating expression crossing her face. "Bribery, you say? Interesting…." She cast a quick glance towards Maxwell, who tried not to react. "Alright, Dwig," she said, nodding, "you’ve got my attention." Dwig beamed, only for Grimshade to continue, "But this isn’t your assignment. Maxwell will handle it. And I expect it to be done properly. Maxwell, make it happen!" Dwig's face fell, a flicker of disappointment passing over it. "But... I…. " Grimshade cut him off with a sharp look. "Maxwell's got the experience for this kind of thing. Get back to your stat reports, Dwig." Dwig swallowed his frustration, giving an awkward nod. "Aye, Grimshade." He gave her a wide, eager grin, but behind his eyes was a flicker of annoyance. As he walked back to his desk, he threw a glare at Maxwell, who was already gathering his things for the assignment. Dwig muttered under his breath, "We'll see, Maxwell. You will mess this up”. 2 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 17, 2024 Author Posted October 17, 2024 (edited) Issue: S2M5 The action keeps heating up in Season 2, and Matchday 5 brought us plenty of drama, upsets, and some truly standout performances across the divisions. Whether it's undefeated runs, close battles, or teams just barely clinging on, we are here to bring you all the insights you need. Buckle up as we dive into the highlights, division standings, and the stories that defined Matchday 5! 1. Latest Match Day Highlights Matchday S2M5 Overview: Matchday 5 was packed with twists and turns that kept fans guessing until the final whistle. With unexpected victories and heart-wrenching defeats, the drama on the field reached new heights. The injury list grew as players gave it their all, leaving us with plenty to talk about. Let’s dive into the highlights! Matchday Stat Highlights: Average Touchdowns per Match: 1.1 Average Casualties per Match: 1.9 Most Touchdowns in a Match: 3 Championship: The piont of view (Dark Elf) Championship: Vicious Virtuosi (Dark Elf) Division 2B: Exiled Hounds (Necromantic Horror) Division 3A: [OCC] The Cheese's Knees (Skaven) Division 4A: Los Nuts (Lizardmen) Division 4B: Fernageddon (Dark Elf) Division 4B: Dulce et Decorum (Shambling Undead) Most Casualties in a Match: 8 Division 1B: Carnival of Burzum (Orc) Best Coach of the Matchday: @HLiNiC 2. Matchday Stat Breakdown – S2M5 Top Divisional Stats: Championship: Top Team: HLiNiC, Bunch of Gamers with 13 points Most Touchdowns: Nao, The piont of view, 9 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Wenteros, Bearded Beerchuggers, 20 injuries inflicted Division 1A: Top Team: Leman_X_Russ, Heisemer Boyz with 11 points Most Touchdowns: Khornight, OCC-Much ado about Gnawin, 10 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Leman_X_Russ, Heisemer Boyz, 22 injuries inflicted Division 1B: Top Team: Bantha, OZZ Top with 12 points Most Touchdowns: Bantha, OZZ Top, 9 TDs Most Brutal Hit: TheSpydyr, LizOrcaMen ColaGuzzlers, 19 injuries inflicted Division 2A: Top Team: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC with 9 points Most Touchdowns: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 9 TDs Most Brutal Hit: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 15 injuries inflicted Division 2B: Top Team: Snowtroll, Obsidian Maulers with 10 points Most Touchdowns: andydavo, OCC Championship Necro, 7 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Gimlik, Exiled Hounds, 10 injuries inflicted Division 3A: Top Team: Thernlow, [OCC] The Cheese's Knees with 13 points Most Touchdowns: Thernlow, [OCC] The Cheese's Knees, 11 TDs Most Brutal Hit: YourEvilWays, OCC Who Let The Dogs Out, 15 injuries inflicted Division 4A: Top Team: f1anker, F1 with 13 points Most Touchdowns: f1anker, F1, 10 TDs Most Brutal Hit: BB_Nut, Los Nuts, 16 injuries inflicted Division 4B: Top Team: BallztotheWalla, Goatvomit And Gasmasks with 12 points Most Touchdowns: BallztotheWalla, Goatvomit And Gasmasks, 7 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Hyperbrain, Overnite Sensation, 16 injuries inflicted Division 4C: Top Team: Aycee71, Construction Crew with 11 points Most Touchdowns: Aycee71, Construction Crew, 7 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Aycee71, Construction Crew, 18 injuries inflicted 3. Featured Articles & Latest Stories "The Unsung Heroes of the Orca-Cola Championship" By Gary Spitstorm When it comes to the Orca-Cola Championship, everyone knows about the coaches, the teams, and the brutal plays that make this league a spectacle to behold. But behind the bone-crunching tackles and soaring touchdowns, there's an invisible army of heroes who work tirelessly to make sure the entire league runs like a well-oiled machine. I, Gary Spitstorm, took it upon myself to uncover the truth behind these mysterious and elusive administrators, the very lifeblood of the OCC. It turns out that running a league of this scale is no easy feat. There are schedules to manage, disputes to settle, and, of course, countless complaints to address from coaches who believe Nuffle has cursed them. The administrators are the glue that holds it all together, and they do it without any glory or recognition. They work in the shadows, ensuring that every matchday goes off without a hitch. Take "The Orca Cola Director," for example! A figure so shrouded in mystery that no one is entirely sure of their true identity. Some say they are ancient wizards with a penchant for spreadsheets; others believe it's a cabal of goblins working in tandem. Whoever they are, the Orca Cola Directors are the ones making the tough calls, setting the rules, and keeping the league on track. Without their tireless dedication, the OCC would fall into complete anarchy….. more so than usual, anyway. Then there's the Tier Admins, the poor soul tasked with scheduling matches across divisions. Imagine trying to wrangle a dozen bloodthirsty teams, each with their own demands and peculiarities, and somehow fitting them into a coherent schedule. The Tier Admins has to balance fairness, logistics, and the ever unpredictable whims of Nuffle to keep everyone as happy (or at least as mildly disgruntled) as possible. And let’s not forget that those brave individuals step in when things get heated. Blood Bowl coaches are not known for their calm demeanors, and when disputes arise, it’s the Administrators who step in to cool things down. The administrators are the true backbone of the Orca-Cola Championship. They don't wear armor or score touchdowns, but without them, there'd be no league at all. They juggle chaos, manage egos, and ensure that, despite everything, Blood Bowl fans get the show they crave week after week. So next time you're watching your favorite team on the pitch, take a moment to think about the folks behind the scenes. "The Healers Behind the Carnage" By Maxwell Quillford In a sport as brutal as Blood Bowl, the apothecaries are often the unsung heroes. While the crowd roars for touchdowns and cheers for bone-crunching hits, there’s a small group on the sidelines holding shattered bones, stitching wounds, and, more often than not, trying to save a player’s life. Maxwell Quillford had the opportunity to interview several members of the apothecary staff, who shed light on their vital but often thankless role. “It’s a demanding job,” says one senior apothecary, “but there's nothing like the thrill of getting a player back on their feet, sometimes even back into the game the same day.” The stress, however, is enormous. In one of the interviews, the staff mentioned that their work is not just about healing, it’s about facing the relentless cycle of injuries week after week. One apothecary, known only as Dr. Nick, shared the story of a particularly notorious incident. “We once managed to bring a Rat Ogre back from the dead,” Nick recalls, shaking his head. “It was a glorious moment... until the Rat Ogre got back up and immediately bit the head off one of my assistants. Turns out, coming back from the dead leaves you a bit... peckish.” The dangers for the apothecary staff are real, but they press on, knowing they’re the thin line between life and death for many Blood Bowl players. 4. Upcoming Matches & Matches to Watch Next Matchday Tease: Get ready for Matchday S2M6, where tensions are high and rivalries are boiling over. Will the underdogs continue their streak, or will the powerhouses crush them? Matches to Watch: Championship: Bearded Beerchuggers vs. Bunch of Gamers Can the Dwarfs wrestle the top spot from the cold, undead grip of the Shambling Undead? It’s a clash of grit versus gloom, one that’s sure to leave a mark! Division 1A: OCC-Much ado about Gnawin vs. OCC - Blood Moon Ravens The Blood Moon Ravens, bottom of the standings, are set to face the division leaders. Can they pull off an unlikely upset, or will the gnawing Skaven tighten their grip on first place? Division 2B: Turf Marauders vs. OOGA BOOGA Two titans collide in a bone-breaking brawl. Chaos Renegades and Orcs, both known for their brutality, will battle for supremacy. Will the Renegades pile up the injuries and dominate, or will OOGA BOOGA show them who’s da boss? Division 3A: Nibblers vs. Nightmare B4 Xmas A Necromantic Horror showdown that promises double the spooky, double the chaos. Both teams are out for blood, but who will reign supreme in this bone-rattling battle of horrors? Expect a haunting performance and a few howls of despair. 5. Call to Action – Stay Connected! Think you’ve seen it all? Think again! Stay tuned for more hard-hitting articles, wild interviews, and the latest stats from the Orca-Cola League. No story is too small and no scandal too big for The Blitz! We want to hear from you! Got an idea for a story, a match that deserves coverage, or a juicy scandal? Share it with us, and let's make this weekly edition fresh and entertaining together! Edited October 17, 2024 by BeaWolf 1 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 20, 2024 Author Posted October 20, 2024 (edited) A Referee's Confessions: The tavern was a grimy, low-ceilinged dive, where the scent of sour ale and something worse hung thick in the air. Lanterns flickered unevenly, casting a sickly greenish glow over the cracked wooden tables. The crowd, a ragtag mix of orcs, goblins, and the occasional bedraggled human, grumbled and growled over recent Blood Bowl match results. In a shadowy corner, a small table was set for two, tucked just far enough from the chaos, though the raucous noise and unpredictable dangers of the tavern still loomed close. Seated stiffly on one side of the table was Maxwell Quillford. His posture was perfect, his suit pristine, his notebook laid out with surgical precision. Everything about Maxwell screamed order and control, an odd contrast to the madness around him. His quill was poised above the page, and a small silver pocket watch rested beside him, ticking rhythmically as he prepared for the interview. He had ten questions, well-structured and logical, and nothing was going to throw him off course. On the other side of the table sat Scabb Cravenwhistle, a twitchy Goblin with wide, darting eyes and a nervous twitch in his hands. His referee's uniform was tattered and stained, his whistle hanging crookedly around his neck. Scabb’s long, bony fingers tapped the table restlessly, while his beady yellow eyes scanned the room as if expecting an ambush at any moment. He jumped at every loud noise, his nervous energy crackling through the air. Scabb wasn’t the type to do interviews. But the promise of extra gold was better than risking two broken knees, which was what he faced if he didn’t start paying off some of his debts. Maxwell had offered enough to buy Scabb’s cooperation, though not enough to settle the whole bill. So here he was, fidgeting in his seat and keeping one eye on the exit. Still, Scabb had made sure to pick the location himself. A busy tavern meant witnesses, and his hideout was nearby in case things got out of hand……which they usually did. The contrast between the two was as sharp as the tavern’s smell. Maxwell’s calm, orderly presence seemed alien in a place where chaos reigned, while Scabb, jittery and paranoid, looked like he might dive under the table at any second. Maxwell: [Clearing his throat, casting a quick glance at his pocket watch before folding his hands neatly on the table] “Shall we begin? I’ve prepared ten questions and I appreciate your time, Scabb.” Scabb: [Eyes darting toward the door, voice jittery] “Yeah, uh... sure. Let’s get on with it. Just... keep an eye out, okay?” Maxwell’s quill scratched smoothly across the first line of his notebook as he prepared to launch into what he thought would be a calm, professional interview. Maxwell: "Let’s start with something straightforward. For the readers, could you describe what a typical day looks like for you as a Blood Bowl referee?" Maxwell’s question was delivered with the precision of a well-practiced journalist, his voice steady and controlled. It was the kind of question designed to set the tone, calm, easygoing, and structured. A nervous laugh escaped Scabb’s throat, more of a croak than anything resembling humor. He glanced over his shoulder, scanning the room like a cornered animal before turning back to Maxwell. His long green fingers drummed faster on the table. Scabb: “Typical? There’s nothin’ typical about this job, mate. One day, I’m tryin’ not to get flattened by a troll. The next day, I’m dodgin’ a chainsaw-wieldin’ goblin. It’s all a blur, really.” Maxwell’s quill hesitated for just a moment before scratching down notes, his neat handwriting betraying no reaction to Scabb’s jittery answer. Maxwell: [Clearing his throat] "Yes, well, surely there must be some kind of routine or structure in place? Preparations before a match? Procedures to follow?" Scabb: “Structure? Pffft! You try ‘structure’ when you’ve got a Saurus steppin’ on your foot, or a Goblin team sneakin’ explosives onto the field. I just whistle and run, mate. Hope for the best.” Maxwell shifted in his seat. He straightened his notebook slightly, adjusting its angle He nodded briskly, quill scratching across the page once again. Maxwell: "Let’s move on. Neutrality is an important part of your role, Scabb. How do you remain impartial in the face of so much... disorder and conflict on the field?" Scabb swallowed hard, his eyes flicking from side to side, his long ears twitching as if he were listening for something. A particularly loud crash from a nearby table caused him to flinch, and his hand instinctively went to the whistle around his neck. Scabb: "Neutrality, huh? Yeah, I try. But it’s hard to stay neutral when a Chaos Warrior threatening to pull your arms off because you flagged him for a foul. You try explaining ‘neutrality’ when you’ve got an Ogre’s fist inches from your face." Maxwell’s expression tightened slightly, his quill pausing mid-stroke. He blinked once, twice, as if the absurdity of the situation was only just now sinking in. Still, he pressed on, determined to keep the interview on track, though the gap between his structured world and Scabb’s chaotic reality was starting to show. Maxwell: “Let’s discuss something a little more delicate, Scabb. There have been persistent rumors regarding the integrity of referees in the Blood Bowl league. Specifically, accusations of bribery. What do you have to say in response to those allegations?” Scabb’s face tightened, his eyes widening as if Maxwell had just set off a bomb in the middle of the tavern. His hands gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles turning an unhealthy shade of green. Scabb: “Bribes!? You think I take bribes? What kind of referee d’ya think I am? I whistle straight, I call the fouls fair and square, and I don’t take no stinkin’ money from nobody!” Maxwell leans back slightly, raising an eyebrow. He makes a neat note in the margin of his notebook. Maxwell: “I see, so you categorically deny any involvement in............” Scabb: “......Deny?! I don’t take no bribes, alright? Well, okay, maybe without the bribes, I couldn’t afford the RPP [Referee Protection Programme], for my... well-being! You try stayin’ alive without protection when you’re callin’ fouls in a Minotaur’s face! ... but bribes? No way!" Maxwell’s pen hovered above the page, his mind racing to process the contradiction. He had expected some form of denial.... maybe even a flimsy excuse...... but Scabb’s simultaneous rejection and admission left him momentarily stunned. His lips parted, as if to say something, but no words came. A surge of frustration welled up, and without thinking, he snapped his notebook shut with a sharp clap! The noise cut through the air like a sudden whip crack. Scabb’s reaction was immediate. He flinched so hard that his chair teetered on two legs before slamming back down. His wide, yellow eyes bulged, darting wildly around the room as though the walls themselves were closing in. His bony hands shot up, gripping the edges of the table before he curled into a ball underneath it, clutching his knees and rocking back and forth. His helmet rattled slightly as his wide eyes peered up at the underside of the table. Scabb: “IT’S AN AMBUSH! THEY’VE FOUND ME! I KNEW IT!” Maxwell: “For Nuffle’s sake... no one’s here, Scabb! It was just the sound of the notebook!” Maxwell looked around, hoping no one in the tavern was paying attention to the ridiculous scene. He smoothed down his jacket, trying to regain some semblance of professionalism, but his patience was clearly wearing thin. His carefully structured interview was slipping into madness. Maxwell: “Come out from under there! We still have questions to get through, and I’d like to finish this interview without you hiding under furniture.” After a long, tense moment, Scabb slowly crawled out from under the table, his eyes still darting nervously around the room. He settled back into his chair, straightening his crooked whistle but clearly still on edge. Scabb: “Right, right..... sorry ‘bout that. You just can’t be too careful, ya know? They’re always watchin’..... waitin’......” Maxwell, now visibly flustered, picked up his quill and flipped open his notebook again. He took a deep breath, trying to maintain his composure. He looked at his list of questions but hesitated. His carefully planned structure was unraveling, and, for a brief moment, curiosity got the better of him. He set his notebook down, glancing at Scabb with an almost morbid fascination. Maxwell: “You know what? Forget the list for a moment. I have to ask..... why in the world would anyone choose to become a Blood Bowl referee? Surely there must be...... safer occupations?” Scabb: “Choose? You think I chose this life?!” Scabb gave a manic little laugh, shaking his head as if Maxwell had just asked the most ridiculous question in the world. Scabb: “No, no, no. It wasn’t my choice at all, see? Lost a bet.... fair and square, or well......so they said..... I was playin’ cards with some ‘friends.’ Next thing I know, they’ve got me signed up as a referee. Thought it’d be funny. And once you’re in... you don’t get out. Not unless you want to end up flatter than a snotling under an Ogre’s boot.” Maxwell stared at him, utterly baffled. This wasn’t just a job.... it was a death sentence. And yet here Scabb was, still alive, somehow. Maxwell: “So... you’re trapped?” Scabb: “Aye. Trapped good and proper. And to make matters worse, I had to borrow from... let’s just say, some folks you don’t wanna owe. All to pay for the RPP. Now, they keep me alive, but I’ve gotta scrape by just to keep ‘em paid off. And every match... every match I wonder if it’s my last.” Scabb’s voice dropped to a near whisper, as if the very mention of the debts made him shiver. Maxwell: “The RPP... is it really that dangerous? I mean, surely, there must be some protection in place for officials?” Scabb: “Protection? HA! I wear this whistle like it’s armor, but let me tell ya, ain’t nothin’ stoppin’ a Troll from makin’ a meal outta ya if they get the chance. RPP’s just insurance, mate. But they can’t be everywhere. They don’t always stop the fans from rippin’ you apart after a foul call.” Maxwell leaned back slightly, horrified. The sheer chaos and danger of Scabb’s life as a referee was sinking in, and even his meticulous mind was struggling to comprehend it. Maxwell: “Right. Let’s return to the structured questions. It’s important we finish this interview properly. Now, back to question number four.....” Just as Maxwell began to speak, a loud crash erupted from the other end of the tavern. Two Orcs had knocked over a table, sending mugs of ale and food flying as they started shoving each other. The noise grew quickly, turning into a full-blown brawl. Chairs were knocked aside, patrons scrambled to get out of the way, and the tavern owner was shouting futilely for them to take it outside. Scabb’s wide eyes locked onto the chaos. What remained of his already frayed nerves snapped. Without a second thought, he shot to his feet, knocking his chair over in the process. His whistle swung wildly as he pointed frantically at the fighting Orcs. Scabb: “THAT’S IT! THEY’VE FOUND ME! I’M DONE FOR! I’M OUTTA HERE!” Before Maxwell could react, Scabb bolted from the table, shoving his way through the crowd and racing toward the door. The Orcs’ fight continued, but the Goblin referee was long gone, his shrill whistle still swinging as he disappeared out the door. Maxwell sat frozen, his quill still poised over the page, utterly bewildered. The structured question he had tried to ask remained unanswered, lost in the chaos. Edited October 20, 2024 by BeaWolf 2 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted October 27, 2024 Author Posted October 27, 2024 Welcome to the Orca-Cola Section Issue: S2M6 The tension in the Orca-Cola Championship continues to build as we head into Matchday 6. Fans were treated to thrilling matches and unexpected turns as teams fought tooth and nail for the top spots. As the tournament reaches its mid-point, the stakes are higher than ever, and we're here to bring you all the insights you need. Let's break down the key moments, division standings, and stories that made Matchday 6 one to remember! 1. Latest Match Day Highlights Matchday Overview: Matchday 6 didn't disappoint, with dramatic battles and impressive strategies on display. The top teams strengthened their lead while the underdogs fought valiantly for survival. The divisions saw medicore casualty counts, but also some incredible moments of brilliance from coaches and players alike. Which teams were able to rise to the occasion, and which fell short? Let’s dive into the highlights! Matchday Stat Highlights: Average Touchdowns per Match: 1.2 Average Casualties per Match: 1.7 Most Touchdowns in a Match: 5 Division 4A: Journeymen Aces (Wood Elf) Most Casualties in a Match: 8 Division 2A: Everton Reserves OCC (Chaos Chosen) Best Coach of the Matchday: @Bantha 2. Matchday Stat Breakdown Top Divisional Stats: Championship: Top Team: HLiNiC, Bunch of Gamers with 14 points Most Touchdowns: Nao, The piont of view, 10 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Djikicigo, Akkordion Soul Crew, 23 casualties inflicted Division 1A: Top Team: Leman_X_Russ, Heisemer Boyz with 14 points Most Touchdowns: Khornight, OCC-Much ado about Gnawin, 14 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Leman_X_Russ, Heisemer Boyz, 26 casualties inflicted Division 1B: Top Team: Bantha, OZZ Top with 15 points Most Touchdowns: Bantha, OZZ Top, 11 TDs Most Brutal Hit: TheSpydyr, LizOrcaMen ColaGuzzlers, 22 casualties inflicted Division 2A: Top Team: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC with 12 points Most Touchdowns: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 12 TDs Most Brutal Hit: mbCARMAC, Everton Reserves OCC, 23 casualties inflicted Division 2B: Top Team: Snowtroll, Obsidian Maulers with 13 points Most Touchdowns: andydavo, OCC Championship Necro, 9 TDs Most Brutal Hit: andydavo, OCC Championship Necro, 11 casualties inflicted Division 3A: Top Team: Tribble, Nibblers with 13 points Most Touchdowns: Thernlow, [OCC] The Cheese's Knees, 11 TDs Most Brutal Hit: YourEvilWays, OCC Who Let The Dogs Out, 18 casualties inflicted Division 4A: Top Team: f1anker, F1 with 13 points Most Touchdowns: Doubletime, Journeymen Aces, 12 TDs Most Brutal Hit: BB_Nut, Los Nuts, 17 casualties inflicted Division 4B: Top Team: BallztotheWalla, Goatvomit And Gasmasks with 15 points Most Touchdowns: BallztotheWalla, Goatvomit And Gasmasks, 79 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Hyperbrain, Overnite Sensation, 16 casualties inflicted Division 4C: Top Team: Aycee71, Construction Crew with 12 points Most Touchdowns: Alessus, The Orca Cola Champions, 11 TDs Most Brutal Hit: Aycee71, Construction Crew, 18 casualties inflicted Notable Coaches: Some coaches have gone above and beyond, showing dominance in multiple facets of the game. Whether it's leading their division, racking up touchdowns, or being the most brutal on the pitch, these coaches have truly set themselves apart. Leading in all three categories! Top Team, Most Touchdowns, and Most Casualties, these standouts have made an impression that cannot be ignored. Division 2A: @mbCARMAC - Everton Reserves OCC mbCARMAC has emerged as an absolute standout who has proven to be a coach with not only a tactical mind for scoring but also an iron will when it comes to dishing out injuries. It's rare to find a coach who can balance offensive prowess with raw brutality, and mbCARMAC is doing just that, leaving his competitors in awe... and sometimes in pieces. 3. Featured Articles & Latest Stories "Life After Blood Bowl – Where Do the Fallen Heroes Go?" By Maxwell Quillford Injuries are inevitable in Blood Bowl. Crushed limbs, cracked skulls, and the occasional dismemberment are just part of the game. But what happens to the players who are so grievously injured that their teams have no choice but to let them go? Former players who once stood proudly on the pitch, adored by fans, often find themselves discarded, no longer fit to score touchdowns or bring down a charging Troll. Some manage to stay in the game. I met Grungar "The Wall" Ironfist, who now runs a modest training camp for Orc youth. "I can't blitz anymore," he said, pointing to his twisted knee, "but I can teach the young’uns how to hurt people the right way." He grinned. Others are not so lucky. The underbelly of Blood Bowl society is filled with former players taking whatever they can get. A former Skaven lineman shared tales of teammates who took up pit fighting, scrambling for coin in underground arenas. "It’s not much," he said, "but at least this time they get to bite people without a ref blowing a whistle." And then there are those like Squeek, a former Gutter Runner who lost his leg and ended up with nothing. "Last I heard, Squeek was living under the stands at Spike! Magazine Stadium," the lineman whispered. "Chewing on the discarded dead bodies from the match. They say it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet down there." The journey from celebrated player to discarded hero is a stark reminder of the brutality of Blood Bowl. For every star who becomes, there are dozen others whose stories fade into obscurity….forgotten by fans and forsaken by fate. "Goblin Gaffes and Referee Blunders – The Real Showstoppers of Blood Bowl" By Gary Spitstorm Blood Bowl is a game of strategy, strength, and sheer brutality, but let's be honest—sometimes it's the chaos off the ball that gives us the real entertainment. The Blitz!’s very own bulldog, Gary Spitstorm, is here to talk about those "unforgettable" moments we all secretly love! Referee blunders and goblin sideline gaffes that make Blood Bowl what it is! Take last week's matches, for instance. A Goblin chainsaw-wielding loony accidentally sliced through his own team's apothecary tent during a sideline frenzy. Classic goblin madness! As the tent came crashing down, the team’s prized Troll got tangled in the mess, ending up with a face full of leeches. Did it affect the match? Probably not, but it was certainly something to behold. And what about the referees? Ever wonder what they're doing when they’re not blowing the whistle for fouls? Turns out, there’s a lot more going on during the game than most fans realize. One referee I spoke to, who asked to remain anonymous (for good reason), shared that sometimes it’s not the match that has his attention, it’s the trouble he’s trying to avoid on the sidelines. Between dodging an angry Ogre charging straight at them or trying to escape a brawl that spills over from the benches, referees have a tough time just staying alive. And it’s not just the players they have to worry about. A certain gang of shady individuals is known for showing up at matches to remind referees about certain "financial obligations." Apparently, a missed payment can lead to a lot more trouble than just a slap on the wrist. "I had to keep my eyes on a couple of rather unpleasant characters during the last match," the referee muttered. "If you saw me looking the other way when that foul happened, well, let’s just say I was more worried about losing my kneecaps than missing a late hit." Referees aren't just dodging charging Trolls and angry fans….. ever noticed that sometimes, in the middle of a match, a new referee seems to appear out of nowhere? Well, now you know! That's not by accident. So next time you’re watching a Blood Bowl match, remember: it's not just about touchdowns and tackles, it's also about the constant game of survival that the referees play, dodging not just the action on the field, but also the danger lurking on the sidelines. Whether it's a goblin gone wild or a referee trying to shake off a debt collector, the chaos beyond the ball is what makes Blood Bowl truly special. 4. Upcoming Matches & Matches to Watch Next Matchday Tease: Get ready for Matchday S2M7, where tensions are high and rivalries are boiling over. Will the underdogs continue their streak, or will the powerhouses crush them? Matches to Watch: Championship: Don’t Panic vs. Bunch of Gamers Can the Dark Elves of Don’t Panic stay calm in the face of the relentless Bunch of Gamers? It's elven finesse against undead resilience, and only one can walk away on top. Expect a tactical showdown with a side of broken bones. Division 2B: OOGA BOOGA vs. OCC Championship Necro The OOGA BOOGA Orcs are ready to bring the smackdown, but OCC Championship Necro won't go down without a fight! Will the relentless Orc aggression overpower the Necromantic craftiness, or will the Necro rise again? Division 3A: Nibblers vs. The StandRat Model It’s a matchup between the undead horrors of Nibblers and the cunning Skaven of The StandRat Model. Expect an eerie combination of dark magic, rotting limbs, and Skaven trickery. The Necromantic Horror will be out for some fresh rat meat, while the Skaven will try to outrun and outsmart their grotesque opponents. Who will come out on top…..flesh or fur? Division 4A: F1 vs. Journeymen Aces Speed meets agility in this high-octane matchup! F1 will try to zoom their way to victory, but the Journeymen Aces are seasoned Wood Elves who know how to swerve around the competition. Will the Skaven race across the pitch unchallenged, or can the Elves' finesse steal the checkered flag? 5. Call to Action – Stay Connected! Think you’ve seen it all? Think again! Stay tuned for more hard-hitting articles, wild interviews, and the latest stats from the Orca-Cola League. No story is too small and no scandal too big for The Blitz! We want to hear from you – got an idea for a story, a match that deserves coverage, or a juicy scandal? Share it with us, and let's make this weekly edition fresh and entertaining together! 2 Awards 2
Bantha Posted October 27, 2024 Posted October 27, 2024 awesome stuff @BeaWolf 1 Awards 5 10 2 5 3 2 2
BeaWolf Posted March 11 Author Posted March 11 A Brilliantly Stupid Idea Maxwell Quillford had covered many terrible ideas during his tenure at The Blitz! but this? This was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the worst. "Let me get this straight" he said, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stood in Madeline Grimshade’s office. "You want us to travel to Lustria ... an uncharted, disease ridden, predator infested deathtrap ...... on the mere chance that Blood Bowl is being played there?" Madeline sat behind her desk, arms crossed, exuding the terrifying confidence of a commander leading troops to a glorious and completely unnecessary demise. "Not chance, Maxwell. Certainty. Lizardmen exist, and where there are Lizardmen, there is Blood Bowl. And we will document it." Maxwell exhaled sharply. "Document what, exactly? The ways we can be eaten? The variety of fevers we’ll contract?" Across the room, Dwig Ironbeard huffed, arms folded, his bushy brows drawn into a deep scowl. "Takin' all the core staff off on some jungle folly ain’t sound management, Grimshade. Some of us should stay behind. Someone, let’s say, with an unparalleled understanding of the statistical side of the sport..." "No!" Madeline’s voice was final. Dwig's mouth opened, closed, then opened again, before he settled for a disgruntled, "Bah!" Gary Spitstorm cracked his knuckles, grinning wide. "Lustria? A place full of things that wanna kill ya? Sounds exactly like the kinda place that needs my reporting." "You mean exaggerating" Maxwell muttered. "Details" Gary said with a shrug. Maxwell turned to Ripper. "And you? Surely you see the madness in this?" The hulking Orc stretched his neck until something popped. "Jungle means fightin’. Big things. Fast things. Things that don’t die easy. I’m in." Maxwell barely held back a groan. He turned to the last beacon of rational thought in the room. "Vexa, please tell me you agree this is a monumentally bad idea." The Wood Elf lazily lifted her gaze from the window. "I like jungles." Maxwell stared. Vexa blinked once, then resumed gazing outside. There was no saving them. "So that's settled then," Madeline said, already moving on, completely ignoring Maxwell’s horrified expression. "We leave at dawn. Pack light. We won’t need supplies." "We won’t need supplies?" Maxwell repeated, horrified. "Survival builds character" she replied, with far too much certainty for a woman who had probably never been outside a well fortified city. Maxwell closed his eyes. He needed a drink. Or a coma. Preferably both. And just like that, The Blitz! was going to Lustria. 1 Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted March 11 Author Posted March 11 Immediate and Total Failure Maxwell had assumed they’d get lost eventually. Perhaps halfway into the jungle, after venturing too far from the main road, or maybe when some carnivorous plant swallowed Gary whole. What he had not anticipated was getting lost within the first hour. “It was a straight road” he repeated for what had to be the twelfth time. The group stood in the thick of Lustria’s jungle, surrounded by towering trees, the air thick with humidity and the ever present buzz of things Maxwell was certain wanted to bite, sting, or otherwise consume him. Madeline Grimshade adjusted her coat, looking entirely unbothered. “Straight roads are a subjective concept” “No, they aren’t!” Maxwell snapped, gesturing wildly. “They are, by definition, not subjective! They are straight!” Dwig Ironbeard, who was sweating more than a Dwarf had any right to, grumbled as he slapped a mosquito the size of a goblin off his arm. “Ye had one job, Grimshade. One. Job. Follow the bleedin’ road. But nooo, ye had to go an’ take a ‘shortcut!’” “It was a path” Madeline corrected. “It was a gap between trees!” Maxwell shot back. Gary Spitstorm, undeterred by their predicament, sniffed the air. “Jungle smells like sweat and murder. I like it.” Maxwell turned to Vexa. “Please tell me you have some idea of where we are” The Wood Elf, standing in the one patch of shade as if it had been placed there specifically for her, barely looked up. “Oh, I know exactly where we are” she replied softly. Maxwell exhaled in relief. “Thank Nuffle. Where?” “In a jungle.” Vexa replied as if she was suprised noone else had realized that by now. Maxwell felt ill, as if he was going to have a stroke. Gary Spitstorm, soaked in sweat and visibly irritated, as he resumed pushing through the foliage like a battering ram. "It’s just plants and bugs. We faced worse in Blood Bowl locker rooms............ right, Ripper?" Ripper grunted, but it was hardly convincing. Even he was quieter than usual, constantly glancing sideways, his usual bravado somewhat dulled by the oppressive green wall that surrounded them. Then, as they stumbled forward, something changed. It was subtle at first... a shift in atmosphere, like the jungle itself held its breath. Gary was the first to notice, coming to an abrupt halt. The others quickly followed suit, sensing the sudden tension. "What is it now, Gary?" Madeline snapped impatiently. Gary didn't respond. His eyes darted around cautiously, his large Orcish nostrils flaring as he sniffed the air. "There's somethin’ out there." Vexa tilted her head slightly, eyes narrowing with heightened awareness. "Indeed. Something is…watching." Maxwell felt a chill despite the stifling heat. He glanced around quickly, seeing nothing but dense vegetation and dancing shadows. He strained his ears, hearing nothing but the monotonous drone of insects and distant bird calls. Yet the unmistakable sensation that they were not alone crept over him, settling in his chest like a cold stone. "Don.....'t..... don’t be absurd," Dwig stammered, trying desperately to cling to logic. "We’ve seen nothing. Heard nothing. Statistical probability says...." "Shut up about yer damn numbers," Gary hissed. "I know a predator when I sense one." Ripper growled, a low, threatening rumble deep in his throat. "Whatever’s out there, it ain’t friendly." Madeline slowly reached for a dagger hidden at her waist. Her knuckles turned white around its hilt. "Stay together." she muttered in a low shivering voice. The tension mounted unbearably. Every leaf rustle felt deliberate, every shadow cast by the canopy seemed malevolent. Maxwell found himself barely breathing, his heart hammering in his chest. He realized with dread that he was clutching his notepad like a weapon.... a habit that suddenly felt laughably inadequate. Then, just as the anxiety reached its peak, something moved. A shape darted between trees, just beyond their vision, quick and silent. "There!" Ripper barked, whirling around, fists raised and ready for a fight. Gary stepped closer, fists clenched. "Come on, show yourself, ya coward!" he yelled, but his voice lacked confidence. Silence responded, heavier and more oppressive than before. Suddenly, a strange, rhythmic hissing filled the air around them, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. Maxwell could feel eyes on him... cold, calculating, and thoroughly alien. He desperately tried to remember what he knew of Lustria. "Perhaps it’s… the Lizardmen? From the matches?" His voice almost failing him. Vexa’s expression darkened. "These are nothing like the ones you’ve interviewed. Those were athletes, not hunters." Dwig’s voice trembled. "They…they don’t use spears in Blood Bowl, do they?" "No, Dwig," Vexa answered quietly, her voice disturbingly calm. "They don’t." Dwig took a cautious step backwards. "Then what....." Before he could finish, a spear whistled from the foliage and buried itself into the tree beside his head with a loud thunk. The group froze, the silence punctuated only by Dwig’s heavy breathing. "Well," Maxwell said faintly, feeling the wave of panic rising inside him, "that certainly escalated quickly." Madeline quickly took control, her voice sharp but urgent. "Everyone, stay close. Move slowly. And whatever you do, don’t...." But before she could finish, the jungle exploded into chaos. Shapes burst forth from the shadows, swift and frighteningly precise. Spears glinted menacingly in the dappled sunlight. For the first time in Maxwell’s life, logic utterly failed him, replaced entirely by primal instinct. He turned and ran.... straight into a net held taut by unseen hands. He cried out in shock as the ropes lifted him off the jungle floor, sending his notebook flying. Suspended and spinning gently, he caught a final glimpse of Vexa. The Wood Elf stood calmly among the chaos, hands raised in surrender, smiling faintly as though this was exactly where she expected to be. Maxwell closed his eyes tightly, silently praying to Nuffle himself for mercy. Because one thing was suddenly very clear! This wasn’t Blood Bowl anymore. It was something far, far worse. Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted March 13 Author Posted March 13 Out of the Frying Pan Maxwell swung gently from his net, blinking away panic induced tears as reality slowly asserted itself again. The chaos of shouting and rustling underbrush had finally stopped, replaced by a tense, uneasy silence. He raised his head cautiously, peering through the thick rope mesh. His colleagues dangled awkwardly in their own nets, Gary furiously kicking, Ripper snarling curses, Madeline eerily still, Dwig loudly complaining, and Vexa, oddly serene as always, hanging comfortably as if she did this every weekend. They weren’t alone. Their captors emerged from the shadows with cold, reptilian eyes. Lizardmen, but not the polished athletes Maxwell had interviewed dozens of times. These Lizardmen carried weapons, glistening with something that looked disturbingly like poison. Maxwell cleared his throat nervously. "I... I’m Maxwell Quillford from The Blitz! You might have heard of us. Big Blood Bowl fans?" One Lizardman tilted its head slightly, a disturbing gesture from something so alien. It hissed something incomprehensible to the others, who responded with clicking noises that sounded oddly amused. "I don't think they're subscribers," Gary growled. Madeline glared at him. "Quiet. Let me handle....." Before she could finish, a spear jabbed the net near her, silencing even Grimshade. Maxwell felt the sudden dread that they were about to meet an unceremonious end, far from civilization and utterly unnoticed by the readers they’d once entertained. Suddenly, a war cry split the jungle air..... a fierce, feminine roar. The Lizardmen spun in confusion just as sleek, athletic shapes cascaded from the canopy above, landing effortlessly around them. Maxwell blinked in disbelief. Amazons. Actual Amazons. In an instant, chaos erupted. The Amazons attacked with stunning speed and ruthless precision, their movements a deadly dance of blades and clubs. The Lizardmen rallied briefly, hissing and lunging with their poison tipped spears, but they were clearly outmatched. Maxwell cringed at the vicious sounds of combat. The wet smack of clubs meeting scales, the hiss of pain, and the crash of bodies through foliage. From his net, he watched in awed horror as an Amazon warrior sidestepped a thrusting spear, swung gracefully, and delivered a crushing blow that sent a Lizardman sprawling unconscious. Another Amazon leaped from behind, spinning midair and landing a vicious kick to her foe's skull, dropping him instantly. "Ha! Now this is good entertainment!" shouted Ripper approvingly. Gary growled something appreciative, clearly impressed by the raw violence. As quickly as it started, the battle was over. The remaining Lizardmen hissed their retreat, vanishing into the undergrowth. For a brief moment, Maxwell allowed himself to exhale, thanking whatever gods listened to rational men that they had escaped imminent death. Then, he met the gaze of their rescuers. Cold, assessing eyes fixed upon him .....Amazon warriors, their faces marked with warpaint and suspicion. Maxwell felt his insides twist anew. Ripper laughed heartily, clearly relieved. "Well, now. Ain’t this our lucky day? We're saved by a buncha ladies." Vexa, dangling nearby, raised an eyebrow at him. "I wouldn’t count on that yet." Almost immediately, the nets were cut, and the group landed painfully on the jungle floor, where they found themselves encircled by sharp eyed women. Tall, powerful, and bearing expressions that ranged from disdainful curiosity to outright hostility. The Amazon leader strode forward, taller than Maxwell and radiating authority. Her gaze swept across each captive, finally stopping in front of Maxwell. Her brows knitted, and she leaned forward, squinting skeptically at his hunched frame and uncertain expression. Before Maxwell could utter even a weak greeting, she reached forward without hesitation, firmly grabbing between his legs in an iron grip. Maxwell squeaked involuntarily, his entire face flushing deep red. "But ... but ... we've only just met!" She released him abruptly, looking almost disappointed. "Hmph. Barely a man" she sneered, eyes filled with disdain. Behind her, several Amazons snickered openly. Ripper let out a booming laugh. "Ha! Maxwell, even jungle ladies got standards!" Madeline's cold voice cut through sharply, "Enough. I’m Madeline Grimshade, Editor-in-Chief of The Blitz!, and we...." The Amazon silenced her with a dismissive gesture, eyes never leaving Maxwell. "Men do not speak unless spoken to" she declared loudly. Madeline's face darkened with restrained fury. "But I’m not a....." "You follow quietly!" the leader interrupted, ignoring Madeline entirely. "Or stay for the scaled ones’ return." Maxwell, still clutching his dignity and other sensitive areas, gave a feeble nod, exchanging a mortified glance with Dwig, who appeared more terrified than ever. Madeline brushed herself off angrily, clearly furious that authority had slipped so abruptly out of her hands. Gary, subdued for the first time since Maxwell had known him, rubbed his aching head in grudging silence, while Ripper grumbled softly about missed opportunities to join in the fighting. As the Amazon warriors prodded them forward, deeper into the sweltering jungle, Maxwell sighed softly. Captivity had never figured into his journalistic ambitions. "Well" he muttered quietly to himself, "I suppose being alive, for the moment, is still a form of success" Ahead, the dark jungle yawned ominously, holding mysteries Maxwell felt certain he'd prefer never to discover. Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted March 15 Author Posted March 15 The Great Escape Time had ceased to matter. Days and nights blurred into an endless cycle of servitude and humiliation under the watchful eyes of the Amazons. Maxwell had lost track, his meticulous notes long since confiscated along with his dignity. Madeline simmered quietly, furious not just at their captors but also at herself for ending up powerless in someone else's narrative. Gary had repeatedly tried to provoke fights in hopes of escape, only to be effortlessly subdued and embarrassed by Amazon warriors. Ripper, surprisingly, had become oddly subdued, grumbling daily about how there was "no proper brawlin' allowed." Only Vexa had adapted. She had earned a modicum of trust, enough to learn patrol routines, guard schedules, and secret pathways through the jungle. It was a quiet night when Vexa finally stirred Maxwell awake with an urgent whisper. "Get up. Now. Quietly." Maxwell groaned softly, pulling himself from uneasy dreams. "Is this another night inspection? Because my nerves simply can’t..." "No!" she hissed sharply, silencing him instantly. "We're leaving" Within moments, she'd gathered Madeline, Gary, and Ripper. Gary flexed enthusiastically, clearly delighted by the opportunity to cause some mayhem. Madeline eyed Vexa sourly, clearly disapproving that it wasn't she who had orchestrated their escape. With nothing but moonlight to guide them, Vexa led them. Her silent movements and signals kept them unnoticed by sentries. Ripper grumbled quietly, disappointed by the lack of violence. Maxwell, following blindly behind Gary’s hulking form, was internally cataloging every new way he might soon meet a gruesome end. They were deep into the jungle when a distant horn shattered the silence....an alarm! Shouts rose from behind; the Amazons had discovered their absence. "Faster!" Vexa commanded, abandoning stealth for speed. Through thorns and branches, they stumbled desperately forward. Ripper roared in frustration. "We're runnin'? Let me at 'em! I’ll hold 'em off with my fists!" "Quiet, you fool!" Madeline snapped back, annoyed. Maxwell's lungs burned. Every muscle screamed in protest as the jungle erupted into noise behind them. Vexa stopped abruptly, face grim. Ahead, the moonlit path abruptly ended in a sheer cliff. Behind, the sounds of their pursuers grew louder, drawing closer. Maxwell peered desperately into the darkness below, then back at the approaching Amazons. "Please tell me you have a plan!" Vexa’s silence provided all the answer he needed. The jungle was closing in. Spears cut through the air, embedding themselves mere inches away from their terrified faces. Maxwell, resigned to his fate, squeezed his eyes shut, expecting death's cold touch at any moment. Ripper roared defiantly, Gary shouted incoherent taunts, and even Vexa had lost her composure, frustration visibly etched across her elegant features. Then, in a turn of events that defied logic, a struck of fate ....or perhaps Nuffle himself.....happend. An earsplitting crack echoed overhead. The massive branch of a dusin trees, weakened by some unseen jungle rot, came crashing down, forming a barrier between the fleeing journalists and their fierce pursuers. The Amazons shrieked in surprise, momentarily thrown into chaos. "MOVE!" Vexa shouted, disbelief and relief mingling in her voice. "RUN!" They scrambled wildly, heedless of direction, driven purely by instinct and panic. Branches slapped their faces, roots grasped at their ankles, but no natural obstacle could match their desperate will to survive. Eventually, they broke free from the oppressive greenery onto a clearly marked path......the very road they had so recklessly abandoned months ago. Breathless and bruised, Maxwell collapsed onto the muddy jungle road, clutching his knees as his chest heaved. Ripper stood guard, eyes narrowed, fists ready, scanning the trees for movement. Gary panted noisily, hunched forward, gripping his knees. Madeline, despite being disheveled and clearly shaken, maintained her composure, casting wary glances behind them. For a long moment, nobody spoke, gulping down air as they glanced nervously back toward the dense trees. Finally, it was Gary who broke the silence. "So, that was fun! Let's never do it again, aye?" Ripper grumbled, "We should've stayed and smashed 'em! Where's your sense of adventure?" Maxwell stared numbly at his trembling hands. Words failed him. His mind, always so sharp and analytical, had finally succumbed to the absurdity of their ordeal. Then it struck him! With horror he quickly looked around. "We're missing Dwig!" Maxwell said, still gasping for breath. His heart sank as realization crept over his face. "The Dwarf" Gary blurted suddenly, eyes wide with an expression between horror and morbid excitement. "Dwig's still back there!" Ripper chuckled darkly, rubbing a bruised shoulder. "Hope the little beardling makes a proper meal for those hungry ladies." Gary whipped around, instantly energized by opportunity. "Madeline, permission to write an exclusive? 'The Dwarf Who Got Eaten Alive!' It'll sell copies like crazy!" Madeline’s icy glare could have cut steel. Yet she said nothing, clearly conflicted, unwilling to openly admit her reluctance to mount a rescue. Silence stretched until Vexa, who had been scanning the jungle with disdain, sighed loudly. "Well" the elf said, her tone dry and dripping with subtle irritation. "Perhaps next time, Madam Editor, you’ll follow directions" Her eyes narrowed pointedly at Madeline. Ripper barked out a harsh laugh. "Next time?" Vexa ignored him, her jaw tight. "Stay put. Follow the road straight.... if that’s within your capabilities! Wait two nights, no more. If we're not back by then, take a boat home." "You're going back?" Maxwell asked incredulously, suddenly admiring her bravery even as he pitied her. Vexa sighed deeply, her annoyance palpable. "Two nights. If we’re not back, don't wait" She shot a final reproachful look at Madeline, turned sharply, and melted back into the jungle shadows. The remaining members stood silent on the empty road, each privately relieved they weren't the ones plunging back into the darkness to save Dwig. Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted March 16 Author Posted March 16 Two Days! The road back to civilization was remarkably unremarkable. After the harrowing escape from the Amazon village, Maxwell had half expected further dangers, but nothing of the sort occurred. Instead, the journey devolved into a monotonous slog through the humid jungle path, punctuated only by the incessant bickering of Gary and Ripper. "I reckon at least seven" Gary declared confidently, flexing his muscles. "Seven Amazons bare handed, easy" "Pffft, seven? That all?" Ripper retorted, snorting dismissively. "I’d smash at least ten, no problem. Even one handed" "Bah, yer dreaming" Gary scoffed. "You couldn't handle three" "Three? THREE?!" Ripper bellowed, outraged. "I'll show ya three!" And so it went, mile after tedious mile. Madeline strode ahead, eyes fixed firmly forward, her expression slowly returning to its usual ice cold authority. Maxwell trailed behind, lost in thought, barely registering the escalating boasts of the Orc duo. He was consumed by thoughts of Vexa and Dwig. It was Vexa who'd masterminded their escape, Vexa who'd risked herself to rescue them, and Vexa who’d vanished back into the jungle, insisting she'd return with Dwig. Maxwell was haunted by the Dwarf’s fate. Dwig had never exactly been Maxwell's friend, but he certainly didn't deserve whatever gruesome end the jungle likely had in store. Slowly, the oppressive greenery receded, giving way to clearer paths and eventually to cobblestone streets lined with ramshackle buildings. Evening descended as they entered the bustling docks, cloaking the port in hues of amber and violet. Madeline immediately took charge, leading the weary group toward a modest tavern near the harbor. The innkeeper,a surly, middle-aged man sporting an eyepatch, eyed their disheveled state skeptically. "Rooms!" Madeline demanded briskly, placing a small pouch of coins on the worn counter. "Preferably with a harbor view" The innkeeper glanced toward Ripper and Gary, who'd resumed their endless debate behind her. He shook his head slowly. "Only got one room left" he said gruffly. "Top floor. Bit small for the lot of ye, though" Madeline’s eyes narrowed. "One room? Unacceptable. Surely you have......." "Nope" the innkeeper interrupted. "That's all there is. Take it or leave it" She glared at the man, her nostrils flaring slightly in barely contained frustration, before snatching back half the coins from the counter and taking the lone key he reluctantly offered. "Fine" she snapped, turning sharply on her heel. "Let's go" The room was indeed small, cramped, dusty, and dimly lit by a single lantern. The only window was tiny, overlooking the docks and ocean beyond. Madeline's expression turned to open disgust at the shabby surroundings. "Wonderful" she muttered bitterly. "Just what we needed" Gary and Ripper jostled each other through the narrow doorway, continuing their debate without pause, completely unfazed by the meager accommodations. Maxwell, drained and distant, collapsed onto the only bed, ignoring Madeline’s immediate objections. His eyes turned to the window, gazing blankly at the darkening ocean horizon. Vexa had said to wait two nights, no more. He desperately hoped she'd make it back in time. Time seemed to crawl within the suffocating walls of their cramped tavern room. Only Maxwell barely noticed the passing hours, sinking deeper into his thoughts, gaze fixed on the distant horizon through the grime covered window. He saw only the shifting sea, searching vainly for signs of Vexa and Dwig’s return. Meanwhile, Gary and Ripper found new ways to occupy their endless energy. Having finally exhausted their argument about who could beat up more Amazons, they had now turned to retelling their tales of captivity, each iteration becoming more grandiose, more absurdly heroic than the last. "...and that's when ten Amazons rushed at me" Ripper boasted loudly, dramatically reenacting his imaginary exploits. "Bare handed, mind you!" "Ten?" Gary scoffed, waving a dismissive hand. "I faced fifteen, all armed with spears!" Ripper’s eyes narrowed competitively. "Well, I had twenty....... all riding dinosaurs!" "Rubbish!" Gary thundered. "Yer makin' things up now" Madeline, perched rigidly on the single wooden chair, was losing what little patience she had left. Her icy composure had begun to crack, replaced by restless agitation. Each exaggerated retelling by Gary and Ripper seemed to pull another thread from her fraying sanity. "For Nuffle's sake, will you two just shut up?" she snapped. "You've told that ridiculous story a hundred times already!" "Ah, but ya see, boss" Gary replied cheerfully, "it gets better every time!" Ripper grinned proudly. "And more impressive!" Madeline glared at them, her irritation evident as she clenched her fists. Her voice turned icy. "I suggest you both find a new hobby, preferably one that involves silence" As evening approached, Madeline began gathering their belongings, her movements sharp and deliberate. Maxwell, noticing her preparations, felt a sudden surge of anxiety rise within him. "Madeline" he began hesitantly, breaking his long silence, "maybe we should wait another day or two. Vexa and Dwig......" Madeline cut him off sharply. "No. I said two days. If Vexa can't follow simple instructions, that's her problem!" Maxwell, momentarily emboldened by desperation, pushed gently. "But... wasn't it Vexa who said two days?" Madeline turned on him, her voice dropping dangerously low. "Excuse me?" "I.... I mean" Maxwell stammered, shrinking back beneath her piercing glare, "Vexa said two days. You just... agreed" Madeline's eyes flashed with fury, her composure finally snapping. "I don't care what you think Vexa said. I am the leader here, Maxwell! Not her. We leave tonight. End of discussion!" Maxwell wilted under her gaze, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, resigned. Outside the window, the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the docks. Maxwell returned to staring blankly at the sea, his heart heavy, feeling utterly powerless as the group packed their things in silence. Awards 2
BeaWolf Posted Monday at 06:07 PM Author Posted Monday at 06:07 PM The Voyage Home and a Rude Awakening The docks were bathed in twilight as Maxwell followed his companions onto the creaking deck of the ship. Lanterns flickered softly, casting dancing shadows around the weary group. Madeline marched aboard with a defiant sense of purpose, Ripper and Gary trailing behind, still exchanging wildly embellished stories. Maxwell lingered near the gangplank, eyes scanning the docks one last time. His heart sank as he saw no familiar figures, and finally, reluctantly, he stepped aboard. The ship’s captain barked orders, the crew scrambled to untie ropes, and sails began unfurling with a dull flutter. Maxwell leaned against the railing, eyes fixated on the shrinking docks, his throat tight with despair. They were really leaving them behind. Then, from below deck, came an unmistakably sharp voice. "Honestly, Dwig, will you stop complaining? Next time, maybe you'll think twice before trying to debate numbers with a bunch of spear wielding women." Maxwell’s heart leaped into his throat. He spun around, eyes wide with disbelief. Emerging from below deck, looking entirely unbothered, were Vexa and a disgruntled looking Dwig, covered in bruises, mud, and bits of jungle foliage. "Vexa! Dwig!" Maxwell shouted, his reserved facade crumbling instantly. Before he realized what he was doing, he rushed forward, embracing Vexa tightly, then turning and planting an exuberant kiss right on Dwig’s forehead, causing the Dwarf to splutter in bewilderment. "Oi! Ye've lost yer damned mind, Quillford!" Vexa raised an elegant eyebrow, clearly amused. "Goodness, Maxwell. Had I known you’d react so warmly, we’d have shown up earlier." Behind him, Gary and Ripper approached eagerly, each looking ready to burst with excitement. "Did ya see any dinosaurs?" Gary demanded, pushing forward. "’Cause I fought at least ten of ’em!" "Nah, don’t listen to him" Ripper interrupted, elbowing Gary aside. "It was me that took on the dinos. Did ya run into any giant snakes? I wrestled a dozen!" Dwig scowled fiercely. "Ye both be mad as Squig hoppers! The only thing giant about those jungles be the size of the mosquitoes" Madeline stood stiffly, watching the reunion. Relief briefly flickered in her eyes, quickly replaced by a guarded unease as she observed Vexa. She shifted slightly, a subtle motion betraying her discomfort, aware now, more than ever, of the quiet but undeniable authority Vexa radiated. "Well!" Madeline finally said, regaining her icy composure, "at least you managed to follow my instructions" Vexa smiled sweetly, meeting Madeline's eyes directly. "Of course. Your instructions were… very clear" Madeline’s lips tightened into a thin line, but she said nothing more. Instead, she turned, retreating toward her cabin. Maxwell hardly noticed. His joy overwhelmed any tension, and he leaned against the railing again, a ridiculous grin plastered on his face. They were going home, all of them. He didn’t even mind as Gary launched into yet another version of their jungle exploits, Ripper already interrupting with corrections. All Maxwell knew was that somehow, against all odds, logic, and reason, Nuffle had brought them together again. For once, even his overly analytical mind was willing to accept it as pure luck. The remainder of the voyage home, much to everyone's relief, was mercifully uneventful. Back at The Blitz! headquarters, Maxwell sat at his desk, staring absently into space. The familiar sounds of quills scratching parchment and the occasional grunt from Gary or Ripper usually comforted him, but today his mind was elsewhere, back on the boat journey home from Lustria. On that trip, Madeline had called them all together, her tone firm and eyes fierce. "Listen carefully" she'd said. "What happened in Lustria stays in Lustria. We will never speak of it again, especially the Amazons" Maxwell had immediately agreed, nodding so eagerly his neck hurt. Dwig, still shaking from the entire ordeal, echoed the sentiment with fervent enthusiasm. Vexa had watched Madeline with a knowing smirk but nodded all the same, aware of Madeline's true motive. Only Gary and Ripper had protested, loudly lamenting the lost fortune they'd planned from sensationalized book sales and dramatic public lectures. Eventually, under Madeline's scorching glare, they'd reluctantly relented, mumbling their disappointment. A sudden, fierce roar from Madeline startled Maxwell from his memories. Her voice, typically controlled even in anger, trembled with disbelief. Maxwell turned to see Madeline clutching the latest issue of Spike!, her knuckles white. On the front page, in bold, unmistakable letters read: "Amazons Join the Blood Bowl League for the New Season!" "Impossible!" Madeline shouted, eyes wide in shock and fear. Her carefully constructed plan of silence unraveled in seconds. Gary and Ripper exchanged a glance. With simultaneous grins spreading wide across their faces, they slapped hands in a vigorous high five, nearly roaring in unison, "WE ARE RICH!" 1 Awards 2
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