Nateguy75
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Posts posted by Nateguy75
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Noice :)
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1 hour ago, Kindrin said:
I couldn't up vote this fast enough.
Thanks! But honestly, I’d just be happy with AV9 holding up! 😂
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BOB: Jim, this is unbelievable!
JIM: That's right Bob, for the first time EVER, a Chorf team has had the perfect season in the OCC!
BOB: I didn't believe either, but Jim, believe it or not, the season 33 OCC medal award ceremony is happening now!
JIM: And the crowd goes deadly quiet in sheer awe at the amazing, once in our life time, never to be repeated, blood bowl event....
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‘Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the war dancer with the best touch down celebration of all?’
’Mirror on the wall, who is the catcher with the smoothest jawline of them all?’
´Mirror mirror on the wall, Its an emergency!! do I look fat in my new blocking pants?’
Yep, that’s me. The most important support staff in any elf team, and the only staff member who is a contractual obligation in ALL elf teams…. The magic mirror.
Okay, yes, every left team does have a requirement to have at least two hairdressers, wardrobe assistant, stylist , assistant stylist , tailor and make up artist per player (along with the action scene potraitist and for our dark elf friends, the blood cauldron jacuzzi boy), BUT I’m the guy who brings it all together.
NO self respecting elf player ever goes on the ouch without first checking in with me.
Thank god that my enchantment doesn’t require me to speak the tuff all the time. How else am I going to fund my retirement, without all those lovely match fixing bribes? Any game against my team can be easily won… all I have to do is shriek… 'it’s, its, a ZIT!!!’ at the right time.
Works every time, 60% of the time
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#Sotrue!
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Lo, new Orca Cola draftees, your
ownerTier Admin speaks!*I am your new
Tier Admin
And I shall be closer to you for the next few seasons -
Which will be the last of your miserable coaching lives -
Than that Orc of a friend/colleague/loved one that brought you screaming into this blood bowl coaching world.
I did not pay good money (in OCC league donations - link on the side bar! Give generously give often!) for you for your company!
I paid it so I could profit from your multiple dubskulls!
And as your mother was there at your beginning, so I shall be there at ALL your losses!
And when you lose, as you shall, your transition will be to the sound of....
Orca Cola Coaches, I salute you!
*with apologies to the late, great Oliver Reed!
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After the terrible news up North in MD2 form the eternal battle of Claw vs Cage * and the Specula End of Times licence fee levy on all Cabalvision subscribing blood bowl lovers, how can we all react as the red (or green, or vermillion) blooded (or ichor or sand) blood bowl lovers we are truly?
PARTY!
That’s right gentle readers – it going on and we are the end of times blood bowl times end times gazette team at OCC are going show you how!
(Beastie Boys Fit for your Right to Party GIF)
With our End Times Blowl Bowl Drinking Game!!
The rules are simple - every time the following happens – you scholl the indicated number of pints bloodweisser/vodka/boiled tree frog juice/fresh goat's blood or other tipple of your choice and you will be ready to Party until you enter the VALHALLA of Blood Bowl Three^
One pint scholl –
- The usual suspects win the Dirty Git Comp on the back of the delicates of your team. Again
- GFI snake eyes in the touch down zone
- AG3 dodge beats AG5 Dodge
- Your first game of the season is against Nurgle
- You dub skull twice in a match
Two point scholl –
- Your chorf appointment has guard spam
- You keep a stat freak player alive for two games after is stat bust
- Your opponent dub skills twice in a match
- Blitz on your offense
- Your fave player is killed and joins a nero team and scores their winning touch down in the same match!
Three point scholl
- Your fire ball works beautifully!
- Your opponents lightening bolt ones out!
- You win the match and you a have a team left for the next match
- Your opponent dub skulls twice in the match
- You get the blitz!
Four point scholl!
- You win a game in Tier 1 or the Champs AND you aren’t the CPOMB team
- The End Times end and the Valhalla of BB3 has your favourite team good to go for Season 1*
* News flash we don’t know yet which way all the OCC Chorf teams are going to break on this one!)
^Season one delayed while Cyanide watt for the room full on monkeys to finish the
exploitative monetisation strategybugfixing and coding*(Sorry, Chorf, Halfling, High Elf
and Lizardmancoaches!)6 -
And welcome back to this weeks episode of the Orcalotte!
As you recall from last week's episode, dear viewer, our delightful, delicious and down right delectable, contestant is looking for love!
And this week dear viewers, she is sure to find it!
Because whet does every refined orc lady look for in a partner both and on the blood bowl pitch?
That's right!
And what makes a sharp dressed man?
That's right baby... the hat!
And who has the sexiest, bad ass, only 6 and POW rolling hats in all of Blood Bowl?
That's right....
Because Hats (and Hobbos) win Hearts!
Orcalotte, meet your suitor for MD6.... the Chorf Coach!
Because, baby, you know you want to win, on and off the pitch!
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Great fluff! @SoapyTheBum The cute pet picks worked on me, so take my upvote! :)
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NEWS FLASH! WHO LET THE BABES OUT AND WHERE ARE THEY NOW!?
A breaking story brought to you hot off the ORCA ONION NEWS presses by our Guest EXPOSE Editor, Gronah G Gaimeson!!
Orca Coal Fans are SHOCKED by the freak results for Season 28Match Day 5 across all tiers and games as NOT A SINGLE KO VICTIM RECOVERED FROM THE CAS BOX AND WENT BACK ON THE PITCH!!!
HOW; WHO; WHERE and FOR THE LOVE OF NUFFLE WHY? you may ask gentle reader? That is the question for which the answer I will EXPOSE to you today there reader, but first what are the chances?
You may think gentle reader, well surely there were only one or two KOs across the league?
Au contraire! Our stat snotlings at GOBLINSPY have crunched the numbers and VERIFIED that there were the HIGHEST EVER NUMBER ACROSS EVERY GAME IN THE WHOLE LEAGUE in Match Day 5 as competition for the GOLDEN BOOT heated up in EVERY TIER and frankly TWO COACHES (names REDACTED for legal reasons
GOBAS AND TYS123) went absolutely
BANANAS with the gang foulsplayer appreciation foot hugs due to the MASS BLINDNESS EPICDELIC FOR ALL OCC MATCH REFEREES* (*upcoming ORCA ONION NEWS EXPOSE SOON!!)The stat Snotlings also confirmed this is even MORE UNLIKEY than the MOST DASHING COACH* IN TIER 2A QCTUQLLY HQVING AV9 HOLDING UP ON ALL HIS ALL CHORF BLOCKERS during q game OR rolling any less than THREE
EACH MATCH!
(As voted by the ORCA COLA NEWS TEAM in the MOST DASHINH COACHER EVER AWARDS***)
(*** Yes; this is a real thing. Only coaches who aren't dashing enough haven't heard of it. That"s not YOU, gentle reader; SURELY?!)
So, what happened with all the induced BABES who should be getting out all those BRAVE PLAYERS back on the pitch?
We sent our our very one brave photo snotling into the field to find out what's going on!
And hot off the press is the PROOF!
OH. Well; that's understandable.. OGRE TEAMS ARE THICC AND HAVE CHICKEN!
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT gentle readers.
We now know EXACTLY where all the BABES are and WHO LET THEM OUT!
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So why do my hobbos still get sent off for giving a gentle love tap?!
it’s not a gang foul unless its a badly hurt minimum! 🤣👍
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No CPOMB, what is this monstrosity?!
but seriously main, very well played and congrats! 👍:D
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orcaHow: How-to instructions you can trust*
*but probably shouldn't
So, you suckers want to know how to be the best ever at blood bowl?
Its easy-peasey-lemon squeezy with the.... FAVOUR OF NUFFLE!
And how do you win the favour of Nuffle, O wisest of the coaches in Tier 3A; I hear you ask?
Stick with me kiddos, and let me tell you how to win the favout of Nuffle if 5 easy steps....
The OCC way!
STEP ONE.... You gotta have lots of fun!
Sorry, sorry... I meant you gotta have the right stuff!
And how do you have the right stuff?
STEP TWO.... Be a red suit!
That's right, Nuffle loves the Tier Admins. Thats why we win ALL our matches. Always
STEP THREE... Dress the part
Nuffle never bestow his favours on coaches who don't dress as sharp as they play! SO go go on, dress the way that show you respect Nuffle.
Respect Nuffle.... Respect Nuffle hard!
And this brings us to...
STEP FOUR... Pick the right team!
Nuffle only ever favours coaches who coach a team worthy of his affection!
And what is the worthest of all the blood bowl teams for Nuffle's love?
The team of choice for the true Blood Bowl connaisser!
STEP FIVE.... Reap Nuffle's bounty!
Follow these simple steps; and you oto can coach like a king, because....
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So, so true! 😝
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Nice one, mate!
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orcaHow: How-to instructions you can trust*
*but probably shouldn't
Hey there my fellow young coaches!
It's your fellow hip and happening Coach Nurgle McEasyMode here, to give YOU the low down and stepby step on what makes blood bowl the sport of kings and grants you ALL of Nuffle’s red delights –CPOMB!In 5 Easy steps!So to start teaching YOU the one bowl technique that makes life worth living…lets start at the top.One - C means you ‘Cee-ing’ the lucky opposing player that you are going to send to Valhalla!
Two - P means Rick with a silent P – is what you want to hear the other coach say as he realises his ballniggled ball carrier is within ranged of your blessed Chorf Blocker/Pes8gor/Nurgle Warrior/Mino/Beastof Nurgle!
Three - O means Of course you are going to pile on the Niggled player ;rst! And posi8on your players sothat in the unfortunate result that CPOMB only results in a stun! You have the gang foul set up nicely
Four – M stands for MUTHAFLIPPER! See P – this is what you want to hear as the APO roles DEAD DEAD
Five – B stands for BANZAII! The perfect war cray as you decide to PILE ON TO GO AGAIN!!!
So there you have it, my fellow aficionados of blood bowl as Nuffle meant it to be Played!And remember, whatever else you do on the pitch. Don’t be…
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And hello dear listeners - Tis, I Chester McElfFace with your favourite weekly hour of advice power.
#Can't stop, won't stop!!
And tonight, we are solving your traumas, with none other than THE big guy himself,
the Lord of the Red Dice,
the Duke of the Dub skulls,
the patron saint of the Apo who loves to dead - dead,
the God of No (GFI),
Nuuuuuuuffle!
On our advice special - What Would Nuffle Do?
Thank you so much for deigning to join us on radio Orca Cola tonight, your holiness. I trust the Virgin goat sacrifice was up to your exquisite standards?
Nuffle:
Chester: thank you, thank you, thank you for your condescension O Mighty One… and now to our first caller… Cheesy McNurgle.
It's great to have you back on the show, Cheesy How is life in Blood Bowl EZ mode?
Cheesy: CPOMB! GANG FOUL! SPAM FOUL APPEARANCE!!
Chester: Nice to know Nurgle never changes! So, Cheesy, what's your problem?
Cheesy. Nuffle, why do all the other coaches not want to come around to my house for tea, and say they didn't receive invitations to my birthday party? I just wanna have friends and not cry my self to sleep every night any more!!!
Nuffle:
Chester: BOOM! And the big dawg tells is as it REALLY is!
And over now to our next caller, Elfy McElface!
Elfy: Nuffle, is that really you?
Nuffle:
Elfy: Quad skulls?! Oh sh!t, it is you!
Anyway sir, my question is, hat do you think of Elf teams using GFI to get that last minute BS touchdown, to win the champs and defeat honest, hardworking, salt of the earth teams who really derseve the win (like dorfs and chors - the most honest, hardest working, sexiest and coolest coaches in Blood blow)?
Nuffle: ONE, ONE,
ONE, ONE,
Chester: And there it is folks, straight from da boss mang . GFI - just don't efling do it!
And we have time for one last caller, all the way from Tier 2 C. So, Nateguy75, what is YOUR question?
Nateguy75: Hey Chester - long time listener, first tile caller!
My question to Nuffle is... why you gotta hurt me so bad?
Nuffle:
Chester; And there we have it folks, what Nuffle REALLY thinks of Blood Bowl coaches! Is it the cyanide coding, or its it that Nuffle really is an aspect of our Lord and Master Cthulhu?
Nuffle:
Chester: Who really knows? And we are all out of time and virgin goats to sacrifice, so we ain't finding out tonight!
All the best listeners, and tune for next weeks episode, at the same goblin time, on the same goblin channel!
And remember - if you ain't gang fouling BEFORE the T8 and T16 touchdown, its not real BloodBowl!!
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Legendary stuff!
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4 hours ago, wismerhill said:
Great Read!
If i may correct a few typos.
You types juts instead of Just a couple of Times
Thanks for the feedback! And sure, no probs :)
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Host: Welcome, gentle listeners, to our old world famous radio OCC Agony Aunt Call in Hour with your house, Chester McElfFace!
Where our special guest Aunt, every week, guarenteed to blunten YOUR trauma...
Now give us a big OCC Radio round of applause to this week's guest aunt; Cheesy McNurgle! The world famous Nurgle coach and thrice times world cup cup with his hand picked Nurgle team... 'Nurgle is EZ mode' '
And how are you this fine evening, Mr Cheesy McNurgle?
Cheesy: CPOMB! GANG FOUL! SPAM FOUL APPEARANCE!!
Host: Well, I assume you are saying that , yes, Chester, your hair is the most glorious and elven in all the league; and I am very well thank you'... or; you are just shouting out your game plan which hasn't changed for your last 567 matches and given your 78% win rate'
Right, lets open the lines to our first caller! Hello, Mr Orcy McOrcCoach, what is your problem?
Orcy: Mmmn, right, you see, its a bit embarrassing. My team is bloated, TV bloated because of my AV9 and six legendary players. How can I win my matches when I give away fireballs every match?!
Host: Over to you Cheesy McNurgle!
Cheesy: CPOMB! GANG FOUL! SPAM FOUL APPEARANCE!!
Host: As you can see, just play against a Nurgle side and all your bloat problems will be solved! Right, on to next caller!
Halfling: Mmm, hello? Long time listener and first time caller, Halfling McHalfingCoach here. My problem is, I just don't understand why coaches hate Nurgle teams so much? I mean; its not like they are woodies or high elves, who juts pull off that BS and prance through umpteen dozen tackle zones all the tile! Cheesy, can you shed some light?
Cheesy: CPOMB! GANG FOUL! SPAM FOUL APPEARANCE!!
Host: And there you have your answer! Three little reasons why all the coaches just love Nurgle!
And we have time for one final caller... and its a doozy! Nuffle, what is your question?
Nuffle: First, I'd just like to say, I'm such a big fan of your show Chester.... and oh my god, your hair, I juts love it so much I could build a house there, and just shower you in sixes!
Host: Why thank you Nuffle, and yes my hair truly is magnificent! And dear listeners, that's how I pull off all my Elf BS on the field... Coz Nuffle knows, I've got the SIX appeal!
But anyway, back to your question, big N...
Nuffle: Okay... so, Cheesy, what are you going to do when Blood Bowl 3 comes out?
Cheesy: GANG FOUL! SPAM FOUL APPEARANCE! No... CPOMB????! Argh!!!
Host: And there you have it... Cheesy has just exploded! And what's that sound? Nurgle teams in all the eternal leagues on the interwebs combusting at the same time!!
Oh the Humanity!
Anyway,
That's our show tonight. Joining me next week, when we solve your elf hair care problems with our next mystery Aunt, on OCC radio!
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I now know what I need to feed my cpomb chorf!
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It’s not about winning… it’s about looking good while winning
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- Popular Post
- Popular Post
IF you enter the pitch like this...
IF you intercept the ball like this...
IF the press interview you post game like this...
AND if you rock leather pants like this....
THEN YOU NEED 'Death From Above' Hairspray!!!!
from the R-ELF-lon New Hair Metal Range
'The modern hi-performance hair spray for the modern Wardancer', from the R-ELF-lon New Hair Metal Range
When you fail a leap....
AND the opposition do this...
Then you need the 1000% assurance that only Hair Metal 'Death From Above' can provide!!!
So on and off of the pitch... dead, alive, piled on, gang fouled or just plain dub skulled to death....
Your hair will ALWAYS look like this....
Death From Above' Hairspray from R-ELF-lon
Because you are an elf (of course you are worth it)
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Signups for OCC on BB3 (seeding tournament)
in Sign-ups
Posted
BB3 Coach name. Nateguy75
Team Name: The Dark and the Dandies
Faction: Dark Elves