MD3: Tepok Coatl's Leaping Circus

[Suido]

Olde World's Got Talent - Episode 3

 

Welcome back to the most entertaining thing you'll see on the blood bowl pitch this week! Today's contestants are our first double act - a pair of skinks who have doctored, ahahaha, a classic sketch! Mikal Pal'n and Xonk'Leez are devout worshippers and have pledged that failure will result in them being sacrificed to Sotek. Please welcome to the stage: Tepok Coatl's Leaping Circus!

 

 

A saurus lies on the stage. A coach (Xonk'leez) enters, dragging a reluctant apothecary (Mikal Pal'n).

 

Apothecary: I’m done for the day. One resuscitation per match, that’s the contract.

Coach: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to discuss this lizard what you claim to have resuscitated not half an hour ago during this very match.

Apothecary: Oh yes, the, uh, the Lustrian Blue...What's… uh...What's wrong with it?

Coach: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. He's still dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Apothecary: No, no, he's uh,...he's resting.

Coach: Look, matey, I know a dead lizard when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Apothecary: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable lizard, the Lustrian Blue, innit, ay? Beautiful scales!

Coach: The scales don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Apothecary: Nononono, no, no! He's restin’!

Coach: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the lizard) Hallo, Mister Saurus! I've got a lovely fresh rat for you if you show...

(Apothecary hits the lizard)

Apothecary: There, he moved!

Coach: No, he didn't, that was you hitting him!

Apothecary: I never!!

Coach: Yes, you did!

Apothecary: I never, never did anything...

Coach: (yelling and hitting the lizard repeatedly) HALLO MR SAURUS!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your pre-match alarm call!

(Lifts saurus’ head and thumps it repeatedly on the ground)

Coach: Now that's what I call a dead lizard.

Apothecary: No, no.....No, he's stunned.

Coach: STUNNED?!?

Apothecary: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Lustrian Blues stun easily, well known fact.

Coach: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. This lizard is definitely deceased, and when you claimed to have resuscitated it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it still recoverin’.

Apothecary: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the frogs.

Coach: PININ' for the FROGS?!?!?!? That’s disrespecting the Slann, that is. Look, why has it lain on it’s back ever since you claimed to resuscitate it?

Apothecary: The Lustrian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable lizard, innit, coach? Lovely scales!

Coach: The scales don’t come into it! He's bleedin' demised!

Apothecary: No no! He's pining!

Coach: He's not pinin'! He's passed on! This lizard is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his Old One! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-LIZARD!!

(pause)

Apothecary: Well, you’d better replace it then.

Coach: Well, you’re hired for the scrimmage line, next game.

(end scene)

[C2MC]

I like me some name puns.

Also, in my head I could hear their voices. If that's not worth an upvote, I don't know what is.

[Hercynian]

Skinks superb! I own a very sneaky 5 agi skink and i love that little fella

[SniperKrizz]

Best entry so far!

[dolbain]

Loved it!!