Vanguard Party - All Your Means of Production Are Belong To Us

[Bouffon]

Okey, this is a bit late compared to most team blogs in here, but I wanted any potentially short and sad story to be about a fall from grace rather than staying in the gutter. Anyway, I present to you the Vanguard Party:

 

 

With 3 seasons behind them, they have reached the very middle of the totem pole in tier 3 division B, making it an advancement each season. No awards won so far or any other major glories, but record is pretty good and most of the team is alive as well. Only losses have actually been 1 catcher and 3 linemen as dead and 2 or 3 linemen sacked due to injuries.

 

 

 

 

 

Some amazing players there, especially the ma8 ag5 that can one turn me some draws now that I just got him the +ma after the last match. Then again, this is Kislev and this kind of setup is what they are wont to do if they do not die; cost is my humongous TV that is the second largest in the whole tier only because @Com Yarrick got his bloated ogres up as well, I applaud him for that performance.

 

Still, even if wizards rain hellfire on me every match day, I feel pretty confident about keeping this team, or at least most of it, alive during this season, as my division has been blessed with abundance of no-claw teams and some very juicy targets even. The promise of Kislev-on-Kislev action also tickles my bones.

 

•   Bouffon - Vanguard Party - Kislev
•   Smiling Tom - BBC Parchelona - Human
•   jounisii - Boyz in Spandex - Elven Union 
•   LiquidWolf - Liquidnords - Norse 
•   Nicola17 - Tzeentch's Globetrotters - Chaos 
•   Khornight - The MacLeods - Norse 
•   Aguelo - Everlasting Rest - Khemri 
•   LordJair - The Stoutly Lads - Dwarf
•   tubragg - Cirkus Cirkör Bloodbowl - Kislev 
•   Mark_B - The Rolling Warpstones - Underworld

 

 

For a short while I mused about writing each match into action stories with bit of marxists theory thrown in, but my writing is mediocre at best, slow as treeman and I can't physically write any story with less than 10 000 words in it. As that would be a bit too much out me in addition to the matches themselves, I limit myself to analysing matches with some pictures after the fact and streaming them within the OCC's Discord server.

 

Wish me luck, I usually need it.

[Juriel]

Oh my, all 4 Blitzers, that is true commitment to lifting up the masses.

 

Best of luck, you already managed to dodge all the Nurgle! 

[Bouffon]

You can't have less than 4, because they are going to die sooner or later and then you would have 2 or 1 perhaps, and that would be just terrible.

[Bouffon]

All the teams are in the division, so it is time to speculate what I can about each team. As I am quite knew to this scene, I can comment very little about the coaches themselves, but it is always a safe bet to assume that they know their stuff.

 

Team names are links to their respective league manager pages, so you can see what I am talking about.

 

•   Smiling Tom - BBC Parchelona - Human

Very high value human team that has managed to overcome the one thing that limits them: poor base statline. Those agile wonders aside, nothing is really that scary to my eye with only one non-ogre mighty blow so far and said ogre lacking a block. I win in number of blodges, tackles and guards all while playing one of the best agility negating teams there is. What might prove scary is their so far sole dirty player and larger bench if they can combine that with a bribe.

 

I predict a good 60% chance of winning them should we meet current or close lineups. Then again, I have surprisingly low win rate against humans overall, so Nuffle knows.

•   jounisii - Boyz in Spandex - Elven Union 

Elves, check. AV7 check. No wardancers, check. Really, really low comparative TV, check.

 

I really, really like pro elves as a team, but when I see one on the other side of the pitch my eyes translate into symbols of whatever the symbol of spp is. At low to mid TV range sidestepping blodge blitzers can actually be really, really annoying and those pesky catchers are superb at what they do no matter what, but we are at high TV now and successful catch requires that some ag4 long legged interceptor doesn't spoil the pass first. Only real problem I can name is something you should get used to hearing: inducements.

 

This is Blood Bowl where sad and bad things can and will happen of course, so I can't really go above 70% chances on my prediction. Still, 70% is a really good when we are talking about elves.

•   LiquidWolf - Liquidnords - Norse 

First norse of the two norse teams on the list. These ones are actually familiar to me, as I lost to them 2-1 last season when av7 decided to hold and I couldn't get my Kislev magic in anywhere, at least with any sort of success. Those ever present inducements aside, I optimistic because of the so far low mighty blow and tackle count. Couple of lucky early removals on those tackles and I should be able to outstrength and then outbash them if need be. And even if I should lose, I don't see my team lying dead in the gutter.

 

As this win requires some bash luck from me unless I simply outrun them and I have a bad habit of trying to bash norse, I am going to pull the random number of 60% out of my hat. 

•   Nicola17 - Tzeentch's Globetrotters - Chaos 

Chaos, yikes. Cursory glance tells me that there are mighty blows galore, one with a claw and a minotaur with tentacles and block; ball carrying front is handled by ag4 sure hands with blodgestep. This is totally winnable in my experience, but price can be high if I go all in, so I just might play for a draw and even accept a loss if long term needs dictate that. Still, the relatively low number of guard and tackle is something can work really well for me and make everything I just said seem very lily-livered. And oh, inducements add to my aforementioned fear of deaths because bribes make people foul happy.

 

Because I have so far rated my win chances good against everything else and these guys can actually hurt my chances to win against other team later on, I go with 50% chance of winning because this is the one game I am going to be very conservative in.

•   Khornight - The MacLeods - Norse 

Hey, more norse, but of different flavour. Blodge yehetee is going to be a pain I can tell, and those +st rolls and dirty players do not make for a happy story should I get caught in a longer melee with them without Nuffle's favor. Sad thing for me is that I am prone of getting into that kind of scrap with norse for some reason, so Nuffle has better to be with me and those pre-existing niggling injuries should better wage in too.

 

Unless someone softens them up for me I am going to have to with 50% chance of winning them.

•   Aguelo - Everlasting Rest - Khemri 

Khemri, the one av7 team that I expect not to even stun that much, and that is before I factor in the regen. Aside from tomb guardians preventing the good bash from happening, their armor has been always stupidly strong against my punches. Still, these experiences have wizened me against the desert mummies and their ilk so I feel quite optimistic when I see a team where a quick leap in and a sack once or twice during their half can prevent a touchdown. Another great thing is that those tomb guardians may have mighty blows but blocks and tackles have continued to elude them.

 

May get a bit bloody for me, but unless I screw up or am screwed by dice I should expect at least a draw, so perhaps some 70% chance of winning.

•   LordJair - The Stoutly Lads - Dwarf

Dwarves that made most touchdown in tier 4 last season, I kid you not. I may have played some small part in feeding them by getting a 2-2 against them, but at least I didn't lose. They seem to have upped their mighty blows to six from two since then, and I am actually afraid. During that last match LordJair kept a good spread to prevent me from running around like I wanted to and lost his deathroller to a quick-ish touchdown from me because I lucked out when the home stadium was decided. This is actually the one match where I can't think of any single thing that favors me, aside from dorfs being famously slow.

 

My pants already wet, I'll have to go with 35% prediction here, because kislev is not blessed with enough speed to properly outran these buggers if they position correctly.

 

•   tubragg - Cirkus Cirkör Bloodbowl - Kislev 

Hah, Kislev! What kind of team is that? Bloaty. Lacks basic skills. Very luck dependant. Why anyone bothers to play them is beyond me.

 

In truth, this is most likely going the be the funniest game during the season, unless one of dices the other completely. I might have a bit of an edge from my single super catcher, less -av injuries and higher blitzer count, but their more spread out +stat rolls are nothing to scoff at and bear with a block and break tackle alone would be annoying without the added benefits of guard and stand firm. If this degenerates into a bashing match, I should come out on top, but I can totally see myself losing against running-and-leaping play with a wizard denying my own touchdown.

 

Hopefully I know how to beat myself, so I am going to be optimistic and say I have enough leverage to make this a win 65% of times tried. Sadly I only get a one try.

•   Mark_B - The Rolling Warpstones - Underworld

Underworld! I usually hope for these guys to win, but I have to make an exception here for some very obvious reasons. I did actually meet these guys and win them 2-0 couple of seasons ago, but they have evolved mightier blows and sharper claws since then.  Gobbo gang is a bit underdeveloped, but it shouldn't really matter that much against someone with prehensile tails and diving takcles, that is to say against someone like me. Still, they are mostly av7 and mostly stunty team and I have tackles now.

 

All that said I think I have a pretty good chance of winning them when the time comes, but I might just pay for that win a price high enough to make me cry. It may be a bit high, but 70% is my estimate for this pairing.

 

 

 

Overall I am highly optimistic, you may notice, but that makes my tears just all the more bitter when they come.

[Bouffon]

And the first match day has been rolled, I am ecstatic!

 

Why I am ecstatic? That chaos is my first opponent and they are missing their tentacled block minotaur for this match, and as I said above there, they lack guards and tackle, having only three and one of them. This suddenly seems like a game that I can both win and survive with a relative ease, although chaos has some pretty nasty star players.

 

The match is scheduled for Thursday 20:00UTC, feel welcome to come and watch my hopes come crashing down, bringing in tears with them.

 

After the chaos I will meet in the following order:

• Khemri
• Norse (Liquidwolf)
• Humans
• Pro Elves
• Norse (Khornight)
• Dorfs
• Underworld
• Kislev

Kislev vs. Kislev as the grand finale seems nice. Otherwise only comments I have is that the UW is either much better or much dead-er than it is now when the time comes and that the bashier matches seem to have a nice even spread throughout the season.

[Bouffon]

I was thinking about a banner for my account to celebrate my team, but first thing I managed to scramble together doesn't really fit the 1000x130 size limit of the forums. Sad. No need to smoothen it out some more.

 

[Doomy77]

Very nice, but yep - too big. Pity.

[Rymdkejsaren]

I'm not particularly psyched about all the references to people who were responsible for an extremely oppressive regime and the deaths of millions, to be perfectly frank.

[Bouffon]

I appreciate the concern.

 

I am trying to tread a fine line here with a theme that allows me to quip about my own political stance and theory of vanguardism, but that shouldn't outright offend anyone. Hence I went with Lenin's cabinet, him being unarguably the most successful left-revolutionary leader while being one of the chillest. Russians are, far as I know, also generally OK about talking of their revolution, unlike some other countries/nationalities. In a more intimate league I probably would've went with tankies to grind my axe against them, but those names could've easily been seen as pretty bad for any Czechs in OCC at the very least, for example.

 

But if one wants to talk history/politics/philosophy, it is probably better to do it in the locker room than here. Not that it is a necessarily a wise idea.

[C2MC]

31 minutes ago, Rymdkejsaren said:

I'm not particularly psyched about all the references to people who were responsible for an extremely oppressive regime and the deaths of millions, to be perfectly frank.

 

Then you should probably avoid this team blog.

 

I, for one, applaud anyone who puts effort in to fashioning a team-theme of any kind and finding the mental fortitude to blog about it. Especially Kislev Coaches, those guys have it rough.

 

[Bouffon]

6 minutes ago, C2MC said:

Then you should probably avoid this team blog.

 

Not unless the names really get that much into you. I am I, so beyond that the most Marxism you're going to get is puns like:

 

"Unfortunately for the revolution, the team's captain Lenin got knocked back into false-consciousness after intense close quarter argument with a black orc."

 

That being KO of course.

[Rymdkejsaren]

I'm not overly distraught. I just think there are a lot of other themes that would be more suitable for a fantasy football league. And we've had issues with contentiousness over similar names before. My family or I don't have a history with what happened in the Soviet Union, so I don't care deeply about it, but I could see how some people might. And while they can avoid this blog, they can't necessarily avoiding playing against the team.

 

But I agree that this is a team blog and not the right place for further discussion.

 

[Edit:] My apologies for starting it here. Upon further consideration, I could have brought it up somewhere else. Or just have shut up.[/edit]

[Bouffon]

MD1: Narrative match report

 

"To picture a Blood Bowl team advancing smoothly and steadily towards championship without sometimes taking gigantic strides backward is unscientific and provably wrong. This oft-proven dynamism of history will sooner or later befall upon our party, but this hand of fate hasn't yet been dealt to us..." Vanguard Party's captain, Vladimir Lenin, starts to answer the interviewer's question why he isn't dead. Wise from the previous interviews and elusive jargon the mad Kislevites deal in, the station decides to switch to replay of the match itself.

Pitch is covered in a heavy sunlight of low the hanging sun as two teams take their initial positions in the pitch, sweating steadily. Vanguard Party, their full roster available to them through some miracle, has won the coin toss and decided to attack with all their blitzers two of the catchers. Standing opposite to them is the full might of the Tzeentch's Globetrotters aside from their mighty minotaur, Brakog, who is recovering from some terribly injury, but the great starplayer Grashnak Blackhoof has been hired to replace him for the day.

 

 

Then, when the ball leaves the kicking beastman's grip and flies in a arc over the pitch, sky suddenly opens in a terrible roar and the full sun fast fades away behind heavy rainstorm of cooling water. Unfazed, Vanguard Party launches their offensive with Lenin leading the charge on the Party's right side. Meanwhile diversionary action on the left falters, when niggling chaos warrior refuses to go down. Chaos team moves into middle and to halt the breakthrough on the right, but in their haste Archa Kha Dhy, chaos warrior blessed with strength of an ogre, moves too close to the edge. Kislevites retreat and advance towards him all, and soon the great warrior finds himself alone against half the Vanguard Party; fans let out a thunderous roar that challenges the very skies when they start ripping body part mementos away from their favourite warrior, who leaves the pitch badly hurt but alive.

 

 

Grashnak, freed from the melee in the middle, notices this and moves in to help. Running fast for a beast of its size, Grashnak risks falling down in attempts to push Lenin to be mauled by the fans as well, but mistakenly impales the Party's captain in its horn, mortally wounding him. Hurried to apothecaries, the captain fades fast, uttering some incoherent last words.

 

 

Visibly panicked by the loss, Vanguard Party retreats before the minotaur, moving back to the centre of the pitch. Left side has finally started moving and chaos's middle has almost broken due to almost whole chaos team moving to the right. Running hurriedly past beastmen and chaos warriors lying down, Nikolai Glevob-Avilov carries the ball to the chaos's end of the pitch. Blitzers run and leap to form a screen between the ball and closest chaos player, but vice-captain, Trotsky, now in charge of the team, makes a mistake in positioning and allows Grashnak to blitz the ball, but Glevob-Avilov's stays on his feet.

 

 

Circle of unadulterated violence is forming around the ball, and Kislevites pause for a moment to consider pushing either claw-mutated beastman or Grashnak itself out of the pitch, but soon settle for easier plan of action and secure Trotsky the way out from Grashnaks clutches, gouging the eye of diving tackling beastman, Rafagors, while at it and removing him from the game. Inspired, Glevob-Avilov leaps away from the star minotaur and runs all the way to the end zone, scoring a touchdown.

 

It was a fast score, only half of a halftime, and revolutionary Kislevites seem demoralised when setting up their defensive formation, but then, suddenly, Lenin walks back to the pitch looking hale even if a touch pale yet; apothecaries have, for once, worked wonders. Eager to see their captain alive and well, Vanguard Party launches a surprise blitz after kicking the ball, but in their overt eagerness move clearly in unpractised and uncoordinated manner, leaving the effect mediocre at best.

 

 

Only part of the formation that seems to work is the trap for Grashnak, who pushes in a wild frenzy into too many Kislevites, but surprising self-control saves the star from going down, passing that fate to a poor Kislevite instead; Nikolai Krylenko II leaves the pitch badly hurt. Still, Party somehow breaks trough the left and blitzes the ball to no success. Chaos sees their opening in this failure and runs deep into the revolutionary end, ball carrier, Fra-tigors, dodges away from blitzers diving tackle and passes the ball in elf-like manner to Gnatigor, screened by almost the whole chaos team.

 

Not seeing much hope left in the situation, vanguardists do not go after the ball but remain in the middle, exchanging blows with the chaos. Only Lenin, ever believing in victory, moves in like a man with a lightning under his ass, leaping over the chaos to go after the ball. His previous injuries, although patched, are still not healed it seems, as he fails the leap and lands on his face, seeing dreams of a better tomorrow.

 

Nothing seems able to stop Gnartigor from scoring when he runs towards the end zone, only to slip in the very last step. Kislevites are still stuck in their demoralisation, however, and do not go after the ball lying next to their end zone instead focusing on violence. Nothing prevents Gnatigor from standing up, picking up the ball and trying scoring again, but luck is again on the side of the Vanguard Party, and the ball slips from the beastman's paws as it tries to pick it up just before the halftime whistle is heard.

 

 

Setting up for the second half, Vanguard Party stands 11 players strong against 9 chaos players. Everything seems good for the Kislevites: numbers, skill of the play, luck and even the weather. Then, just as during the first half, clouds suddenly move soon as the ball is kicked, and sun shines once gain. Admiring the beautiful weather, Ivan Teodorovich is caught unawares in the line of scrimmage and gets his groin mangled by chaos warrior.

 

 

Counteroffensive comes fast. Focusing on their left, Kislevites open a way for some leaping blitzers to run through. Vice-captain Trotsky, leading the charge, however fails to get the ball down as it sidesteps towards the right side of the pitch, horrifyingly empty of Kislevites. Undermanned and scrambling to find players to cover the ball, chaos leaves huge open areas in their defences, and no sooner than are they formed, Kislevites run and leap across and around them; Trotsky renews his attacks against the ball carrier, Fra-tigors, who not only goes down but unconscious as well.

 

Grashnak strikes again and Trotsky goes down, the scramble and violence around the ball transforms to overwhelming. So overwhelming, in fact, that chaos fails to pick up the ball, and Vanguard Party once again repositions itself using their superior mobility, downing chaos near the ball. Blitzer Stalin, so far holding the middle alone, escapes from his duel against a chaos warrior when Glevob-Avilov amazes even the elvish spectators by running straight to the ball, not caring about any tackle zones, and passing it across half the pitch to Stalin.

 

 

 

Last quarter of the game left and desperate, Aos Aqhyah Ugu'y, Stalin's previous dancing partner in the middle, tries to go after him, but fails to move through Kislevite screen. Now utterly demoralised, the whole chaos team just stands still watching Vanguard Party pass the ball to each other, showing their superiority, in the backfield until Lenin scored and the final whistle is blown.

The broadcast loops back to the post-game interview of Lenin and every single spectator either changes channel or falls asleep within a minutes.

[Bouffon]

MD1: Match analysis

Replay

 

Rough matches, scrappy games, whatever you want to call them. They are something that simply happen in Blood Bowl. This was one of them.

 

Turns 1 to 5

This was the best play from me during the match, which is pretty bad when these turns are both too greedy and rely on luck too much for my taste. My initial plan of going in on one side and then switching to the other worked in theory, but only because chaos moved all in to the right  and I managed to get my screen through their loose formation in the middle, zero style points for me. And that screen was mispositioned, allowing 6 dice against the ball carrier by Grashnak, but lucky for me he did not roll a single pow. He of course rolled a pow and killed my POMB when my feint started on the right, after surfing ST5 chaos warrior into badly hurt, but apo saved me there. I was forced to score quickly but I had a solid lead in the removals with 11 vs. 9 in the pitch.

 

Turns 6 to 8

To balance out this half's performance, this was my worst play during the entire match. I got a blitz kick off and accidentally do 1d blitz during it and block my entire team from advancing to the ball. Also I should've placed my ag4 blitzer more up front during setup instead of using patently stupid symmetric and deep-towards-my-own-end formation. All in all, chaos could've slipped through me anyway, but their 4+ dodge followed by 4+ pass and 4+ catch surprised me still. Surprised me so much that I got demoralised and basically allows chaos to score, but they took a greedy gfi when they could've stalled safely and then failed to pick up the ball after that, so luck favoured me. Grashnak also proved pretty useless when he failed to roll up pows at all.  

 

Turns 9 to 11

Although this was mistake free and decisive portion of the game, I wouldn't still call this my best as I had 2 player advantage to start with and my initial turn was a bit greedy. Still, in just 3 turns I managed to steal the ball and pass it beyond all but one chaos player thanks to ag5 magic.  This was so effective in fact that the chaos all but gave up afterwards, leading to:

 

Turns 12 to 16

This is a pretty boring portion of the game, as I spp passed while chaos did nothing. Not that they could've threatened the ball by any means. Thanks to some 2+ catch failures I run out of rerolls and the last TD was a tad bit greedy with 3+ pickup instead of 2+ but match was a win for me anyway.

 

So in the final analysis I say my victory was mostly despite of myself. My team had superior skills (very mobile guard blodgers are amazing) for this match, and my opponent made mistakes of his own that I managed to capitalise on during my few unambiguously good moments. Cherry on the top was luck favouring me, making this 2-0 with that tripwire and failed pickup.

 

So with a visual aid from a certain board game I am going to attribute my victory to:

 

 

 

**********************************

 

Out of the match Vanguard Party emerges stronger, better and at lower TV than before.

 

 

I usually have 2 spare players as Kislev because I assume that players will get MNGd so often that I will only have really 1 spare player for each match. Due to some quirk of luck I had 2 spares for this match, but nice chaos solved that problem for me by MNGing one my linemen.

 

Two new levels were gained for my linemen (wrestles both), making my team look very good overall at long last. Now I have just 2 players that actually suffer from rolling both down or getting one rolled against them, and the blockless catcher is just 2 spp away from that hallowed skill. Soon I can field a team with 7 blodges, 3 wrestles and bear in the pitch simultaneously.

 

More on my next opponent, Khemri, after their match with deathrolling dorfs is over.

[jounisii]

  jounisii - Boyz in Spandex - Elven Union 

Elves, check. AV7 check. No wardancers, check. Really, really low comparative TV, check.

 

I really, really like pro elves as a team, but when I see one on the other side of the pitch my eyes translate into symbols of whatever the symbol of spp is. At low to mid TV range sidestepping blodge blitzers can actually be really, really annoying and those pesky catchers are superb at what they do no matter what, but we are at high TV now and successful catch requires that some ag4 long legged interceptor doesn't spoil the pass first. Only real problem I can name is something you should get used to hearing: inducements.

 

This is Blood Bowl where sad and bad things can and will happen of course, so I can't really go above 70% chances on my prediction. Still, 70% is a really good when we are talking about elves.

 

Oh. Only 70%? I'd say a lot higher, in 90s maybe. We'll see...

[Bouffon]

My initial posts were totally out of character and quite serious. First match report was my patented purple prose style that I can write two pages a minute and match analysis was just thrown together basically. All that was because I lacked any kind of real plan when I started this thread, but now I can present you something I hope can become a mainstay for this blog, a mixture of theme, analysis and bravado. 

 

Pre-match theorising, MD2

 

Fourth season for VPA has started auspiciously I've heard said by some journalists of this game we play. Now, to what should our attention be immediately drawn regarding this statement?

 

...yes, comrade, you are quite correct: auspiciousness is a product of clouded mind. What is and what will be are both inevitable in all their tragedy and all their greatness. Existence is material and operates within material laws of causality; if one knows the reality as it is in its totality, one also knows all the of the past and future. But, I must stress, such a condition is beyond human and only in the sphere of the non-existent God, this Nuffle that bourgeoisie worships. We are humans and must limit ourselves to what is humanly, to what we know.

 

This is what we know.

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, Khemri are old nation, left behind by progress, their society based on slave labour. These slave-skeletons are unable to free themselves even in death due to their thick-skulled reactionary tendencies against their own self-interest and that of humanity as a whole. Still, this reactionary impulse will be their undoing, because, well who would like to explain the theory behind our inevitable victory?

 

 

...yes, comrade Milyutin..

 

...

 

...

 

...yes, resisting progress is not a display of strength, resisting oppressor is strength. What these skeletons are doing is opposite of progress, it is weakness. And we shall aim our attacks on the weakness of our opponent, we shall kill these skeletons where we are able; slavery is system build on the back of slaves, if we are able to end the slaves we shall bring forth the end of slavery, true emancipation in true death. Aiming for the oppressor-mummies would be a futile and wasted effort.

 

But this only our means for an end, for remember who we are? We are the vanguard of the lower-stage socialism, slave societies are not our enemies, we are the next stage of the dialects.

 

We shall strike down these skeletons where we are able, long as that does not hinder our ultimate objective: taking the ball. Khemri are slow and without agility; we can and will outrun and outmanoeuvre them. Doing this, we should not retribution, for this most backwards of societies has yet to synthesise powers of mighty blow with tackle, lacking the iron fist that our truer enemies can field against us with abandon.

 

So I say: we can only lose if we let ourselves.

 

And now just one last thing. As comrade Teodorovich is currently injured and unavailable for his duties, comrade Nogin will pet, feed and properly agitate our great bear-mascot, Spectre of Communism.

 

Praxis be with you, always.

[Bouffon]

MD2: Narrative match report

 

"Windy" Winston: ...and I am pleased to announce that my co-announcer for this match will be Ivan Teodorovich, a player from Vanguard Party, or VPA for short. So, why are you not in the pitch tonight, Mr. Teodorovich?

 

Ivan Teodorovich: Thank you Winston, pleased to be here. The reason why I am not playing today should be obvious if you saw me having my cup before I came to the announcer's box.

 

"Windy" Winston: No, I didn't. They don't allow me to have caffeine or bloodweiser before the matches anymore, something about unintelligiblity or something.

 

Ivan Teodorovich: Well, my hands are shaking like there's a tremor living inside of me, I got only a sip and rest spilled all over me. Gnashrak hit me like something else that last match, phew.

 

WW: That would explain the vibrations I am feeling even now and your wet pants too. Another explanation is there in the pitch, as the match is starting just now; it seems that EVERLASTING REST, and yes, that is how you pronounce that team's name, has just introduced Ali Babad and their wizard to the referee along with 2 brown envelopes. I hear your team's captain has almost irrational fear of dirty playing in the pitch, and in Blood Bowl that means being seriously afraid of those spiky boots, folks! So is this true, Mr. Teodorovich?

 

IT: Oh yes, good old cap'n Lenin can do this amazing ten minute performance out of borghousaa being, well, bit of a thingies ye know. Man, he likes to speech our cap'n.

 

 

WW: Man of action too, he is positioning himself right in the front for one fierce offensive by the looks of it. And the fans cheer for this frontal deployment! I must ask you, Mr. Teodorovich, is this the vanguardism that your very team is named after? Many interviewers have tried to ask about that for long as VPA has played, but we are as of yet to find anyone able to understand more than three words of captain Lenin's speeches. Is he truly a strategic and tactical genius or is it all just big poo-poo?

 

IT: Genius undoubtedly, genius indeed. To be fair, I don't really understand him much myself, or the rest of my team for that matter. They were all friends, ehr, comrades as we call each other, long before I joined. They sympathised with me and let me hang on after I lost my job.

 

WW: Lost your job? What did you do before you became a bowler?

 

IT: Worked in a circus actually. Me and my brother, also called Ivan, we were bear feeders.

 

WW: Oh, sounds interesting.

 

IT: It was not really, very simple and menial. My brother cut of pieces of himself and I fed them to the bear. We got fired after my brother run out of limbs.

 

WW: Fascinating! I must ask, does this bear of VPA, this, ehr, Spectre of Communism, is it the same bear?

 

IT: Oh yes it is! I like to think of it as my new brother; the other Ivan died tragically when he joined Nurgle-cult trying to re-grow his limbs.

 

WW: Truly fascinating! But we haven't commented what has happened in the game yet, so let's get back to it now. It seems that the match has evolved or degenerated, depending on who you ask, into a general brawl in the line of scrimmage. It doesn't look good for VPA! Those tomb guardians, they DOMINATE the direction of this general violence and the brother-eating bear just stands starry eyed.

 

 

IT: Oh, and here comes the fouling, I can see bones sticking out of Skvortsov-Stepanov...oh wait, no, those are just bones of the skeleton stepping on him.

 

WW: Still, that must have hurt, and yet the referee is blind!

 

IT: Now see! Now see!

 

WW: Yes, here it comes ladies, gentlemen and various mutated creatures of no fixed gender! The vaunted flanking manoeuvre of VPA, see how they keep their screen intact while forming a new one...and OH! They push the tomb guard away as well, captain Lenin just jumped up and kicked something several times his size away, amazing! Meanwhile they prepare another flank as well, and the ball moves randomly behind now thinned middle screen!

 

 

IT: Khemri spreads around to cover every base. That right side is stronger, the ball will move there next. Ouch, that looks like it hurt.

 

WW: Yes, Skvortsov-Stepanov got to meet the boot again, but looks still alive...I think. About the breakthrough, are you sure? It seems

that the bear got prodded back towards the middle, is it a breakthrough into a full surround! AND A SKELETON GETS ALMOST BROKEN AS WELL! Splinters flew all the way to the benches and I think at least one spectator had his jugular cut!

 

 

IT: Just holding action, see how Glevob-Avilov is set up a scoring treath. In the right...and the ball moves for follow-up hand-off.

 

WW: No hand-off just yet, and that right is deep in but stretched thin. Left side is abandoned as well, this looks dicey for VPA!

 

IT: Here come's Ali Babad! I think I've felt his dagger between my ribs once...

 

WW: And you lived to talk about, lucky fella you're. Like Nikolai Krylenko there, wrestling the star player down to the ground. This allows Glevob-Avilov to retrea...wait, is this just me or did Glevob-Avilov go between two rather nasty skeletony-types?

 

 

IT: That he did. I've heard him complaining to our other catchers that he can support against multiple opponents too, if given a chance. Really high on himself for being fastest and the most agile of us.

 

WW: But not able to do what he boasts to others of! Classics! Here comes Lenin and saves him from his own hubris, but VPA has lost all their advance positions! Is this bad as it looks, Mr. Teodorovich? Your captain piled on that skeleton but is now just lying there, surrounded by some extra-spiky boots. Your famous teamplay seems to be stressed as well, many almost slips here and there.

 

IT: I know what the captain is doing, brave man, bravest of them.

 

WW: What? Am I about to see stratagems from a genius far beyond myself? Dead genius most like, that Ali Babad himself coming to...OUCH!

 

IT: Captain survived Gnashrak's horns as well this is just nothi...OUCH!

 

 

...

 

...

WW & IT: JUST STUNNED!

 

WW: And referee whistles...a red card!

 

IT: Changes his mind after that skeleton winked at him.

 

WW: These referees are quite honest and willing to reconsider their calls if questioned. Willing to listen both sides, folks!

 

IT: If questioned by someone buttering his bread.

 

WW: Yes...wait, how do skeletons wink?

 

IT: Beats me. Most people I meet in the pitch do.

 

WW: Wait, what's happening. Trotsky just got freed from tomb guardian Ra-Mon by most of the VPA and Trotsky runs to the left to help the one-on-one between Skvortsov-Stepanov and a skeleton in there, leftover from that earlier stomping!

 

IT: Here it comes!

 

 

WW: Ladies and gentlerats, Skvortsov-Stepanov runs to the middle of EVERLASTING REST's end and is high-fived in the middle by Gorbunov, carrying the ball, who has leaped over all of the Khemri. THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN CATCH HIM ANYMORE! LOOK AT HIM GOING FOR IT!

 

IT: Almost slipped there...

 

 

WW: Yes, dear spectators, it was like he really fell down and then stood up and took those last steps again in a world gone gray, but that is just crazy. This match is driving me insane! Insaner than before!

 

IT: And here, see. Our brave captain is going to get some more boot, this Khemri can do no other.

 

WW: Sacrificing himself so his team could score, perhaps win! Truly a genius move, not to mention brave and capital F Foolish! Oh wait, what, we've been totally wrong here in the announcer's box, ladies and gentle-elves, it is the bear-mascot of VPA that gets fouled.

 

IT: Brother, NOOOOOOOOO!

 

WW: Just a slight concussion, might wake up for this match even.

 

IT: He is the only family I have left.

 

WW: What once was the centre of attention, the stronghold for the ball, is not but an empty and meaningless theatre of violence! VPA is leaving that part of the pitch as fast as they are able, fur-dressed men are leaping left and right away from the army of undead.

 

IT: No, not all of them! See, Stalin stays there and revenges what they almost did to our captain...Ali Babad goes down!

 

 

WW: Down for this drive too! I don't know how skeletons wink, but they can get mild concussions too, as just now proven, so anything is possible folks!

 

IT: Captain escapes!

 

WW: This halftime is coming to its end, it is just some remainder violence and a guaranteed touchdown for VPA. We might as well go to commercials...no wait, Stalin, bravely avenging his captain, he got a boot as his reward and is...NOT DEAD! Not dead, but out for the rest of this match.

 

IT: Hopefully this hit cures his violent impulses.

 

WW: I pretend I didn't hear that, teams should support each other. Anyway, commercials: 

 

Are you down on your luck? Is that lucky roll of 6 just beyond the corner, but spiralling expenses prevent you from going for it? Have you considered a loan to get over these lonely moments that appear so foul? Of course you have, you're not boneheaded, but in that same vein: aren't loans dangerous? Wasn't your neighbour's organs harvested with a chainsaw last night, keeping you awake with his howls of pain (those werewolf neighbourhoods are terrible that way)? Well, that is your fate only if you can't pay back!

 

With a Goblin Chartered Banks loan you not only get the money, but also financial coaching from some of the best financial experts alive. With the resources and the plan, all you need to succeed is to succeed, and there is a smiling, laughing and sneering elven star player inside all of us, more literally in cases of certain trolls.

 

With a Goblin Chartered loan, it is only up to you!

IT: Hey, we actually started our team with one of those. Burned through our initial winning to pay them back, not to mention the interest, but good service. They even offered to pay our legal aid in case they took us to courts.

 

WW: Yes, legal aid writes your confession for you and tortures you until you sign it. Really speeds up the proceedings.

 

IT: Hmmm, now that I think about it, captain said something about them proving our point. Never really understood this theory stuff, being new to this vanguardism.

 

WW: Financing a Blood Bowl team with a loan sounds strange to my ear. How did you manage to secure one million for such a risky venture?

 

IT: Well, our captain helped to solve the strike situation that GC had when were applying for that loan.

 

WW: Oh yes, I remember now. Gnoblar cleaning staff demanded a pay for their work, silly buggers. Your captain managed to talk them down, I always thought that they just forgot what they were doing and got back to work?

 

IT: Captain explained something to them for a very long time and very slowly. Repeated himself a lot I think, hard to get a message through to those small things.

 

WW: And several months later, in a clearly planned manner, same gnoblars attacked the HR-departments meeting and tore several executives into tiny pieces. It all got put down soon when ogres got called in and all gnoblars got served as second lunch of the day. I remember interview of the surviving HR-boss who almost smiled his head off when he realised that he will be getting all the bonuses this year, being the only survivor.

 

IT: Why they call it human resources in a goblin firm?

 

WW: I dunno. But hey, the second half is starting, the EVERLASTING REST will be the one on the offensive this time. We missed the last few seconds of the second drive during the first half.  The bear woke up and got stomped again it seems, and referee is an animal lover, because he raised a red card for that even after accidentally raising his other brown envelope first.

 

IT: Good, I love my brother. Wait, why do both teams look more undermanned than they should?

 

WW: Didn't you noticed how our air conditioning started to flap his flapper much faster some moments ago? Heatwave is passing by this stadium. Lenin and Glevob-Avilov are dehydrated and out, along with the Ra-Mon and a blitz-ra from EVERLASTING REST, all sweating profusely.

 

IT: Wait, how do skeletons, or mummies for that matter, sweat?

 

WW: They do many strange things, I think we've established that already.

 

IT: Wait-wait-wait, what is that? Who let a bunch of fans in the pitch?

 

WW: I think better question is who can stop them! Look at them go, climbing up a mummy and biting its eyes! These guys must your fans, enthusiastic bunch!

 

IT: They roughed up our frontliners as well.

 

WW: Unless my eyes fooled me, they jumped down when no one even touched them; can't blame them, poor buggers are facing some huge mummified monsters.

 

IT: And they went out as fast as they came, I wonder why people this fast and vicious do not blame the game themselves?

 

WW: They are faster, more vicious and smarter than your average Blood Bowl players.

 

IT: Ah...hey do you mean that I am st...

 

WW: And EVERLASTING REST has got the ball! Their front line looks mighty weak, though! Stay tuned folks!

 

IT: Not a frontline anymore, my team goes through those gaps like there's no tomorrow!

 

WW: For a bowler there seldom is. But what is this? EVERLASTING REST is converging to their right side AND THE BALL CARRIER RUNS HEAD ON TO FACE HIS WOULD BE SACKER!

 

IT: Brave moves, brave moves.

 

 

WW: BUT HE FALTERS AT THE END AND GOES DOWN TO A NASTY KICK BY TROTSKY!

 

IT: Still brave.

 

WW: Vice-captain Trotsky, now leading the team when Lenin is out due to a heatstroke, he leaps to the ball and gets it! He gets it and runs folks! It looks like a defensive touchdown in just a minute in to the second half!

 

 

IT: That brave ball-carrying skeleton gets up and tries to take it back it seems...vice-cap'n just laughs at him.

 

 

WW: Hits him in the face on his way to SCCOOOOoooo...stall, folks.

 

 

IT: Not for longs, see he hands off to Antonov-Ovseyen.

 

 

WW: Yes, indeedy he does. It is 2-0 for VPA folks, and the heat seems to be waning, most of the players are vigorous enough to set themselves up for this 4th drive. I fear this is where the game might get boring as VPA is known for playing it safe with this kind of lead, even allowing their opponents to score for 2-1.

 

IT: Me and some of my continued survival thank our captain for this playstyle.

 

WW: Yes, VPA is setting up in the back and...and...and shouting some insults it seems. What does a "reactionary society left behind by the moving forces of history" mean?

 

IT: I think it is something about their mothers.

 

WW: These animated dead do not seem to like these bitter jabs at their equally demised mothers. You hear that skeletal clicking and clanking with some loud moaning in the background?

 

IT: I think I do.

 

WW: That is how dead insult you! It is a general shouting match! It is a riot! Fans are getting into it too folks! More than usual, I mean. The previous pitch-invaders, I think I see them there trying to strangle some skeletal fans, after what I've seen today I'd not be surprised if skeleton could be strangled to second death!

 

 

 

IT: But the drive was kicked of some time ago already, wasn't it?

 

WW: It was, the clock is ticking folks! But see, shouting is dying down and players are starting to move! The ball rises.

 

IT: My team seems happy enough to continue hurling insults. 

 

 

WW: For how long, the ball is getting closer to your end zone...oh wait, VPA is evacuating their end of the pitch, they seem to allow this score to happen, like I predicted folks.

 

IT: Some of the Khemri stayed back fouling out frontliners. I feel for them and wish I didn't, those hits do not kill but they hurt, a lot, I know from experience.

 

WW: Wait, one vanguardist is not moving to the sidelines with the rest...Lenin goes on and blitzes one of the advancing skeletons, leaps on top of him after giving first a solid punch.

 

 

IT: Those dead do not look happy.

 

WW: Yes, the very lively expressions of the dead do not appreciate this at all. Will they foul him, it seems like a foul, but they are out of bribes and what-what-what...I AM WORDLESS FOLKS! EVERLASTING REST just handed off the ball to a blitz-ra, Seti, who can now run to the end zone and score. What a agile ancient limbs these guys have!

 

 

IT: But here comes the foul still, poor cap'n, this might hurt.

 

 

WW: AND! IT! DOES! Nothing permanent folks, but I think I saw his eyes roll upwards and never come down, he is out for the rest of match, all the one minute of it! And referee notices this as well, perhaps he has not forgiven that bear-fouling, what an animal lover! Red card calls the end to the match, there was no touchdown for EVERLASTING REST folks! It is a clear 2-0 win for VPA, the Vanguard Party has won! Crowd goes wild again, wilder than usual, good games have a good mortality rates up in the spectators benches too, and this has been a good game!

 

IT: Indeed it has been, and I much enjoyed surviving through the whole of it by sitting here in a...relative safety, are you sure that armoured door holds?

 

WW: Casters very rarely die during these post-match festivities, the fans are after easier targets, like exhausted players to rip a trophy arm or two off.

 

IT: I am a player, you know...and what, why are there reinforced doors here if we're missing one whole wall? Can't the fans get through and rip me apart one shaky hand at a time?

 

WW: They don't notice the fourth wall missing.

 

IT: We have no fourth wall?

 

WW: I thought you knew that, that commercial made it pretty clear at the very least, I think.

 

IT: Oh, I thought it was just because the writers of this lazy play couldn't write anything better than those cheap jokes, all the cheap jokes. If there truly is no fourth wall I just want to say I didn't at all appreciate my part, or "Windy" Winston's part here. Both were obviously written by some eager cheap hack with far too high opinion of himself. There was no real personality in either and to cover that the writer tried to sell his cheap witticisms as some form of high comedy. And this match we supposedly announced sounded totally unrealistic, a badly written play within a badly written play. I don't understand how anyone could've thought this thing was worth writing or even reading beca...

 

END OF NARRATIVE MATCH REPORT

 

IT: Drat...

 

WW: Th-th-th-that's all folks!

[Bouffon]

Something deeper and shorter than that previous wall of text. May Nuffle bless anyone who went through it all.

 

MD2: Analysis

(Unless otherwise stated, all pictures depict start of my turn)

 

So, Khemri got enough inducements to go for Ali Babad, 2 bribes and a wizard to cause me some early grey hair. I don't generally care at all about wizards, especially when playing against something slow and un-agile like Khemri, but those bribes make me really nervous when lot of my team revolves around wrestle, diving tackle and piling on.

 

I won the toss and decided to receive. My plan and hope was to cause enough removals during my initiative to make fouling non-issue for at least the initial drive, which would hopefully last the entire first half. Even if that failed and lost a lot of players, defending against Khemri can be done with just a few players, as one only needs to sack the ball once and throw it back half a pitch to make them lose a lot of time walking back and picking it up again.

 

Khemri set up with skeletons up front, as setting tomb guards up front just risks me running past them, screening the skeletons away, downing one TG and fouling it because I have bench. Anyway, this lead me to adopt the following plan, should everything go ideally.

 

 

Idea was to tie those frontal skeletons down to diving tackles and bear's tail, move in those two threatening linemen on to his back and set up a thin screen to prevent blitzing the ball, hiding just behind that middle line. This should force him to either give up on those frontal skeletons or moving in to support them, but leaving some players behind to deal with those linemen. From there I either have initiative in larger bash or freedom to develop those flanks. But, like I said, that is if everything works ideally.

 

It did not work ideally. Although I KO'd one, those skeletons in the middle did no go all down and bear went stupid. So I decided to quickly switch to plan B, which was baiting the wizard out and eyeing for opportunity. Lucky for me, my pile of 6 players, one of them ball carrier, was enough to cause 1st turn fireball that only got 2 of them down and didn't break any armor. Khemri went a bit cautious after that, not basing me as much as they could've, and resigned to foul the lineman they got down with their blitz.

 

 

Next couple of turns were bit a dazzle, with me trying to keep amount of blocks Khemri got to a strict minimum while making some room on the right to place a catcher in there as a scoring threat. I think Khemri made their biggest mistakes during this small portion of the match. They kept Ali Babad back, although his sidestep, jump up and stab could've downed few of my blodge guards that kept me competitive in the bash. They finally commited Ali Babad when I got in quite deep in my right, but by that point Ali Babad was the only player chilling back, other either trying to push me back or foul that unlucky lineman.

 

Turn 4 began with this kind of formation. Red arrows point intent to retreat that advancement backwards and Xs mark where I intended to have players form a cage around the ball marked by B, but there is also one X below that cage, beyond that bash, where I wanted to have a player that could not be bashed without a blitz.

 

 

This is, of course, not to make a cage and go in like a dwarf, but to lure Khemri in with an appearance of that kind of play. That cage is positioned so that they have to screen it with at least 4 players to prevent a simple run past them, and use much more, 6 to 7 players, if they want to prevent easy blitzing too. Although I didn't get what I hoped for, I got something close enough, and managed to leap the ball over the thin Khemri lines and run to the back left where no one could threaten me. To buy some stalling time, my ag4 blitzer blitzed that last X player free and allowed him to run in between my ball carrier and the point where the entire Khemri team had ended up.

 

If Khemri still had a wizard at the beginning of my turn 4, that plan would've been totally bonkers. Let the lesson here be that wizard should be used when even 1 in 3 players going down to the fireball allows doing something important to the ball, be it moving the ball forward, basing the ball with diving tackles or sacking it. That early use of the wiz had a very little chance to cost me the ball control and even chance to remove players was pretty low.

 

Rest of the drive was pretty uneventful, lost some players to badly hurt when I started running away from the general melee and stalling long as the ball was safe. Khemri's fouling continued and was pretty unlucky in general. I scored during my turn 8 and took one turn of bashing losing the bear to badly hurt. Kickoff event for that 1 turn drive changed weather to sweltering heat, and I took that as a sign that any heat removals from my team were safe and from Khemri were not bashing/fouling me.

 

And I got lucky indeed, 2nd half not only saw some fairly minor heat removals for me and lost TG for Khemri, but it also started with a pitch invasion that saved most of my frontline from terrible mummy bash. X marks players downed by the pitch invasion. 

 

 

With so few standing players, TGs being slow and ball landing so far away, Khemri moved in after picking up the ball, but I managed to run through the gaps while basing the skeletons. As I threatened the ball, Khemri tried daring and very objectionable blitz with the ball after 2 gfis, after which ball would've been behind a small screen. But as Nuffle just sometimes hates some players, last gfi was snake eyes, ball scattered to 0 tackle zones and the player the ball tried to blitz was my ag4 blitzer. It was a leap, pickup and a run to secure the ball. I scored again in 2 turns.

 

With a solid 2-0 lead and just 5 turns left, I decided to place my players in the back and chill it out. Khemri could score one 1 TD easily, but then they would have to get extremely lucky to make it 2-2 which would be a draw, not a defeat. And, in the end, even that failed when Khemri went for turn 16 foul instead of scoring.

 

Theory and reality

Now I go through some of the bolded parts of my pre-match theorising and comment on them

 

we shall kill these skeletons 

Yeah, right. Nothing wrong with this in theory, but they just wouldn't leave the pitch. Still, it was only something of secondary importance to prevent the fouls that kept my pants wet throughout the match, and those fouls were pretty weak too. 

 

Aiming for the oppressor-mummies would be a futile and wasted effort.

Oh yes, I have no claw and those things are rather nasty if they do not get at least stunned. I managed to keep my distance well enough with only occasional blodge (hard to take down) and bear (I don't care if it dies) having to take hits. Now I think that I should've perhaps based them more, as they managed to reposition themselves into a nasty places couple of times.

 

our ultimate objective: taking the ball. Khemri are slow and without agility; we can and will outrun and outmanoeuvre them.

And this one I got totally right. Wizard was, in certain sense, their fastest and tackliest player. Once it was used, it was only a matter of time before I could go on and 2+, 2+ (with separate rerolls) the ball to their end zone. With that fast 2nd touchdown, I was in position to just run and hide the last 5 turns and still win 2-1 with spp pass on top.

 

****

 

If my opponent has something to add, feel welcome to do so, @Aguelo

[Aguelo]

20 hours ago, Bouffon said:

Something deeper and shorter than that previous wall of text. May Nuffle bless anyone who went through it all.

 

MD2: Analysis

(Unless otherwise stated, all pictures depict start of my turn)

 

So, Khemri got enough inducements to go for Ali Babad, 2 bribes and a wizard to cause me some early grey hair. I don't generally care at all about wizards, especially when playing against something slow and un-agile like Khemri, but those bribes make me really nervous when lot of my team revolves around wrestle, diving tackle and piling on.

 

I won the toss and decided to receive. My plan and hope was to cause enough removals during my initiative to make fouling non-issue for at least the initial drive, which would hopefully last the entire first half. Even if that failed and lost a lot of players, defending against Khemri can be done with just a few players, as one only needs to sack the ball once and throw it back half a pitch to make them lose a lot of time walking back and picking it up again.

 

Khemri set up with skeletons up front, as setting tomb guards up front just risks me running past them, screening the skeletons away, downing one TG and fouling it because I have bench. Anyway, this lead me to adopt the following plan, should everything go ideally.

 

 

Idea was to tie those frontal skeletons down to diving tackles and bear's tail, move in those two threatening linemen on to his back and set up a thin screen to prevent blitzing the ball, hiding just behind that middle line. This should force him to either give up on those frontal skeletons or moving in to support them, but leaving some players behind to deal with those linemen. From there I either have initiative in larger bash or freedom to develop those flanks. But, like I said, that is if everything works ideally.

 

It did not work ideally. Although I KO'd one, those skeletons in the middle did no go all down and bear went stupid. So I decided to quickly switch to plan B, which was baiting the wizard out and eyeing for opportunity. Lucky for me, my pile of 6 players, one of them ball carrier, was enough to cause 1st turn fireball that only got 2 of them down and didn't break any armor. Khemri went a bit cautious after that, not basing me as much as they could've, and resigned to foul the lineman they got down with their blitz.

 

 

Next couple of turns were bit a dazzle, with me trying to keep amount of blocks Khemri got to a strict minimum while making some room on the right to place a catcher in there as a scoring threat. I think Khemri made their biggest mistakes during this small portion of the match. They kept Ali Babad back, although his sidestep, jump up and stab could've downed few of my blodge guards that kept me competitive in the bash. They finally commited Ali Babad when I got in quite deep in my right, but by that point Ali Babad was the only player chilling back, other either trying to push me back or foul that unlucky lineman.

 

Turn 4 began with this kind of formation. Red arrows point intent to retreat that advancement backwards and Xs mark where I intended to have players form a cage around the ball marked by B, but there is also one X below that cage, beyond that bash, where I wanted to have a player that could not be bashed without a blitz.

 

 

This is, of course, not to make a cage and go in like a dwarf, but to lure Khemri in with an appearance of that kind of play. That cage is positioned so that they have to screen it with at least 4 players to prevent a simple run past them, and use much more, 6 to 7 players, if they want to prevent easy blitzing too. Although I didn't get what I hoped for, I got something close enough, and managed to leap the ball over the thin Khemri lines and run to the back left where no one could threaten me. To buy some stalling time, my ag4 blitzer blitzed that last X player free and allowed him to run in between my ball carrier and the point where the entire Khemri team had ended up.

 

If Khemri still had a wizard at the beginning of my turn 4, that plan would've been totally bonkers. Let the lesson here be that wizard should be used when even 1 in 3 players going down to the fireball allows doing something important to the ball, be it moving the ball forward, basing the ball with diving tackles or sacking it. That early use of the wiz had a very little chance to cost me the ball control and even chance to remove players was pretty low.

 

Rest of the drive was pretty uneventful, lost some players to badly hurt when I started running away from the general melee and stalling long as the ball was safe. Khemri's fouling continued and was pretty unlucky in general. I scored during my turn 8 and took one turn of bashing losing the bear to badly hurt. Kickoff event for that 1 turn drive changed weather to sweltering heat, and I took that as a sign that any heat removals from my team were safe and from Khemri were not bashing/fouling me.

 

And I got lucky indeed, 2nd half not only saw some fairly minor heat removals for me and lost TG for Khemri, but it also started with a pitch invasion that saved most of my frontline from terrible mummy bash. X marks players downed by the pitch invasion. 

 

 

With so few standing players, TGs being slow and ball landing so far away, Khemri moved in after picking up the ball, but I managed to run through the gaps while basing the skeletons. As I threatened the ball, Khemri tried daring and very objectionable blitz with the ball after 2 gfis, after which ball would've been behind a small screen. But as Nuffle just sometimes hates some players, last gfi was snake eyes, ball scattered to 0 tackle zones and the player the ball tried to blitz was my ag4 blitzer. It was a leap, pickup and a run to secure the ball. I scored again in 2 turns.

 

With a solid 2-0 lead and just 5 turns left, I decided to place my players in the back and chill it out. Khemri could score one 1 TD easily, but then they would have to get extremely lucky to make it 2-2 which would be a draw, not a defeat. And, in the end, even that failed when Khemri went for turn 16 foul instead of scoring.

 

Theory and reality

Now I go through some of the bolded parts of my pre-match theorising and comment on them

 

we shall kill these skeletons 

Yeah, right. Nothing wrong with this in theory, but they just wouldn't leave the pitch. Still, it was only something of secondary importance to prevent the fouls that kept my pants wet throughout the match, and those fouls were pretty weak too. 

 

Aiming for the oppressor-mummies would be a futile and wasted effort.

Oh yes, I have no claw and those things are rather nasty if they do not get at least stunned. I managed to keep my distance well enough with only occasional blodge (hard to take down) and bear (I don't care if it dies) having to take hits. Now I think that I should've perhaps based them more, as they managed to reposition themselves into a nasty places couple of times.

 

our ultimate objective: taking the ball. Khemri are slow and without agility; we can and will outrun and outmanoeuvre them.

And this one I got totally right. Wizard was, in certain sense, their fastest and tackliest player. Once it was used, it was only a matter of time before I could go on and 2+, 2+ (with separate rerolls) the ball to their end zone. With that fast 2nd touchdown, I was in position to just run and hide the last 5 turns and still win 2-1 with spp pass on top.

 

****

 

If my opponent has something to add, feel welcome to do so, @Aguelo

Good report.

Only say you have Nuffle on your side this match, your armor don´t broke propertly. 4 guys with MB do the worst dice performance possible.

Thanks again for the match.

[Bouffon]

MD3: Pre-match theorising

 

My 3rd match got scheduled for tomorrow evening, and I've been a busy with that thing everyone is busy with: stuff. I have no time to write a painfully painful semi-narrative series of bad and oblique jokes, so I'll just settle for doing this quick, dirty and in much more readable format.

 

My team

 

Norse team

 

They have good amount of guards, tackles and even blodge, are 350 TV behind (wizard, bribe and DP linemerc perhaps) and have more spares. Both runners are rather nasty and there is a strip ball there with tackle and blodge with guard, jump up and tackle.  All this is bad for me. 

 

What I like is that they are Norse/AV7, that there is only one mighty blow, said MB lacks tackle, that annoying looking berserker having niggle, tackle+strip ball being ma5 and kick not being that useful against my team and playstyle. And while having 3 tackles is usually good against dodgy teams and 5 guards is good for bash, I think the Kislev way of combining guards with with dodge allows me to push the tackles away to place guards where I need them, with some luck of course.

 

I expect to win 2-1 if I get to receive first half and 1-0 if they receive the ball first half. Plan is to get one good turn of armor breaks for many stuns and then move the ball forward, score when I have to and bash that sweet av7 in the meanwhile. Defence focuses on killing them if I received first and scored, if not, then I'll actually have to prioritise them not scoring. 

 

This is going to be a revenge for that 2-1 defeat against these very same Norse last season. They felt pretty invincible that time around, but it can't happen twice, right? 

[Bouffon]

Okey, first off, Christmas and New Year proved to be unusually busy time for me, so this writing project got put on hold among many other things. Now that things are less hectic and I've managed to restart and catch the backlog on more important things, it is time to kick some speed into this team blog here.

 

Still, I am going to skip post match analysis for MD3 and MD4 and pre-match theorising for MD4 and MD5 just to save some time. Also, this MD3 narrative report had no revisions, it is first draft all the way and the concept was puns. Be prebeared for something grizzly.

 

MD3: Narrative match report

 

Oh yes, there He was, walking into the pitch proudly, like a big, white, furry thing that mauled people to death. It, of course, was all those things, but it only comes naturally to a bear.

 

Team around the bear was of no consequence and team opposite of it was only for so much as the bear ripped and teared it. This bear, this Spectre of Communism, it was a bearon, a noble bearbarian, artist of violence whose paws sung with a deep bearitone. It and all the other bears were the reason why Furrest Gimp bothered himself with Blood Bowl at all, had bought himself one of the best seats for this match, it was the unbearable love that he had for this grizzly animals.

 

And furries sight they were, the wild norseman standing in front of the bear was nothing but a small and puny sack of meat in front of a mighty beast. When the ball was kicked the norseman stood there totally unprebeared.

 

 

 

 

But then, suddenly, all the dreams came crushing down, requiring great forebearance from Furrest not to scream and howl his pain. A large and hairy man, almost like he tried to cosplay a bear, joined the contest between the bear and a man, bruining the spectacle.

 

It was horrifiying sight and Furrest furrious over it. Why didn't other spectators or even the referee notice this abuse of a beautiful animal? The feeling got even more overbearing when the bear stood up and the performance was repeated, this time stunning the fuzzy and cute animal.

 

 

Match went on despite this tragic state of affairs, but Furrest didn't really care for it, he was here for the bear and violence done by the bear, not done to it. Although a veteran spectator of many Blood Bowl matches, Furreest was so fixated on bears that he knew little of the rules of the game and was thus totally unkoalified to judge what was going on. Still, it looked like the bear's team, some kislevites, were punishing the norsemen for the animal abuse, even when the referee and other spectators had bearely noticed it.

 

It was so brutal revenge, in fact, that norse, initially trying to move forward in the polar opposite side of the pitch, decided to retreat and restart their advance from next to the bear. Furrest felt almost bad for the northern wildlings, thinking themselves strong enough to break this bearricade.

 

Norse realised their folly too, by the looks of it. When the bear stood up again, they all ran back to other side of the pitch, seeing a fight against this force of nature as their own bearial. It did not, however, help them much, as kislevites, knowing their strongest asset, freed the bear from one poor norseling left behind to distract it, and the bear run into the very middle of their new formation.

 

Terrified of how their tail might end, the norse run away again, one of them with the all important ball that dictated the direction of each matches violence. It teddyous to watch for Furrest, how could these mere mortals escape from the all catching chain of the bear? Still, they escaped from their rightful pawning, and the ball flew across the pitch to another norselings hands.

 

 

Only one norseling was left behind. Again, this seemed to be a sacrifise to appease the mighty bear so it would not follow the ball. As the kislevites scrambled after the ball and seemed to get it off the other northeners, judging by the crowds cheers, Furrest cheered as well, for the bear landed its first blow in the entire match and the sacrificial norse was lay stunned in the field, totally pawsed by the mighty blow.

 

And so the halftime ended, with the norse lying next to the bear either stunned or too scared to stand up. The ursome bellow of the crowd indicated that the kislevites had managed to steal the ball and score, but Furrest didn't really care about that. What was more interesting was the fact that all the knocked out norse, those not carried out by pallbearers, woke up. They could meet another embearassing mauling during the next half.

 

______________________________________________________________________

 

Next half started with a lot of promise, sweet as honey. Bear was positioned in the middle, with many norsemen facing it down, ready to meet their forebearers. Sadly, for Furrest at least, the bear's thunder was destined to be stolen by fast moving kislevites, killing and stunning their whole frontline. It had no option but to move forward in search of a fresh crop of victims.

 

Surprisingly these new bloodbags to be bled proved to be a tougher lot, and the bear fell to the bare ground after a mighty struggle. Then it stood up and went down again, and again. Furrest, usually totally unreceptive to the non-bear reality around himself,  started to realize his shouting and screaming were becoming unbearable even for Blood Bowl fans sitting around him,  judging from the way he could tail their grizzly gazes back to his own. Quick mob violance in the crowd seemed imminent.

 

Then another kind of violance saved Furrest from surviving only as a bad memory to pawsterity, a panda-emic gasp spread throughout the stadium, and even Furrest caught to the fact that Norse had stolen the ball. Bear and all the kislevites were moving in fast to take it back though. When the ball carrying burly norseman was only steps away from the end zone, one last bearfur wearing kislevite dived after him and tackled the ball to the ground. This bought bear time to move next to it, guaranteeing it a prime place in the ensuing violence.

 

And violence there was. Brutal, pain inducing violence that left many scars on many a man. But, sadly once again, the bear had no part in except as witness to the fast moves of the kislevites who stole both the bears kills and the ball. Crowd erupted in another cheer when the Vanguard Party scored their second touchdown, but Furrest Gimp cried as the bear got knocked out by the norsemen looking for an outlet for their anger.

 

This was the most unbearable match of all the matches with bears. No words could do justice to the letdown this game had been. And, in the end, Furrest sought solace from a bun vendor near the stadium's exit, but the buns were horrible too.  

[Bouffon]

Another quick and dirty one, to catch up with current events. I didn't even bother to go picture hunting this time. Style: dramatic person specific narrative, not one of those faltering comical styles recent ones have been.

 

MD4: Narrative match report

 

Astrogranite was hot to touch, even though sun wasn't in heavy blaze. Vanguard Party's vice-captain Trotsky raised his hand from the ground, grimacing at his reddened hand and covering it with a glove. One more reason to not go down in this game, boots of BBC Parchelona were famously spiky and just across the line of scrimmage. Referee also had a smile of a goblin recently erichned.
 

 
With these thoughts in Trotky's mind, imperial team kicked the ball high to the sky, allowing comrade Antonov-Ovseyen easy catch. Sounds of fighting filled Trotky's left ear, as captain Lenin lead the charge. This was vice-captain's cue, and he tapped nearby comrade's back. Together they ran to the nearest Parchelonian and kicked him down. After quick victory, Trotky retreated to right edge of the pitch, ready to tackle anyone attempting through. With a side glance he saw that ball had moved near to the middle of pitch.
 

 
Plan was for Trotsky to run deep and treathen to catch a throw, helping Party's main push through the middle, but vice-captain saw the plan falterin even before its start. Comrade Lenin had said he could control Bernd Schuster, Parchelonian player known for aptness for violence, but captain, while managing to down Schuster, seemed to fail to even stun him. Lying there, surrounded by spike-booted Parchelonians, captain's situation was bad, and Trotsky decided to break away from the plan, running protect his captain from any fouls.
 

 
This bought captain enough time to jump straight to air from his prone positions, but in his haste captain fumbled his landing and lay stunned in astrogranite. Trotsky had, however, already moved back to the plan and opened up a route for himself in the right side, unable to return to his captain's aid again. As granite piercing spikes of Julio Alberto's boots pierced Lenin's skin, Trotsku saw referee showing its raised thumbs to Parchelona's head coach.
 

 
Now in overall command of the party, as Lenin was carried away to apothecary's care, Trotsky yelled for the ball to go forward as he struck Parchelonian next to him, opening a way it to run. Spectre of Communism, Party's mascot bear, also came running to hold the line against imperial humans.
 

 
One agile human, Migueli by name, slipt past both Trotsky and the bear, menacing the ball, but Trotsky fast followed him, striking him down mercileslly. All around the pitch there were multiple fights between Party and Parchelonians, most of them favouring the latter; this drive needed to be a succesful one. All looked good in that regard, ball was but steps away from the end zone, now all that was needed was some stalling time, for scoring too fast would be a mist...Trotsky felt a metal covered fist connecting with his chest and all went black for a moment. When Trotsky's sight returned, along with it came Bern Schuster dropping down on him fast, and all went black again.
 

 
When his mind returned to him, Trotsky heard that next drive was about to beging, with moments of 1st half remaining; comrade Antonov-Ovseyen had managed to score. Comrade Lenin was alive but unable to for rest of the match and comrade Nogin, another blitzer, was unconscious. Still in command of the team, Trotsky set up Party for an all out defense; if Parchelonians couldn't score now, forcing a fast one out of them at the start of next half should be trivial, allowing Party to do one of their lightning runs again.
 

 
It was several minutes of pure chaos, and Trotsky didn't honestly know what had happened in the end. His only memory was looking down on a Parchelonian blitzer next to him when he saw a ball flying towards them in a high arc. Growling to each other Trotsky and this imperialist jumped high, but Trotsky's jump was higher, and his hands reached around the ball, bringing it down to his embrace. Referee blowed the whistle and the half time came to end as crowds cheered of succesful intercept.
 

 

 
After a quick visit to captain, Trotsky spent the pause between two halftimes trying to wake comrade Nogin, but despite his best oratorical efforts, Nogin remained fast asleep.
 

 
"We'll have to play for a really quick one now", Trotsky muttered to himself as he heard referee's whistle again.
 

 

 
Party set up deep in their own half, not allowing for easy hits. Parchelona had to come and score fast if they wanted to win, and seeking a win from another attack than a prolonged defensive play seemed wiser to vice-captains eye.
 

 
Younger members of the Party could not, however, be contained as they saw those assigned to scrimmage getting pummeled, they run to their aid. Cursing false consciousness and his comrades' lack of big picture, Trotsky took on after them and stopped only to puch a Parcheloanian in the face. Still, everything began to fall apart fast, and Party members numbers started slowly dwindling as general brawl began. Amidsts the chaos Trotsky saw Miegueli running forward in cage, carrying the ball.
 

 
Trotsky looked around and saw comrade Antonov-Ovseyen standing few steps away from all the violence, confused. Quickly shouted order reached his ear and he joined vice-captain for one last ditch effort to reach the ball. Together they jumped inside the cage Trotsky landed a quick blow on Migueli when Antonov-Ovseyen distracted everyone else. Ball left Migueli's hands but landed between many Parchelonians.
 

 
While cursing this misfortune, Trotsky felt Maradona's fist connecting between his neck. This was no mighty blow of Bern Schuster, and vice-captain only rolled down the astrogranite, in full control of his senses. Turning the rolling momentum into a running speed, Trotsky jumped up and followed the ball Parchelonian's had picked up and moved backwards.
 

 
Urruti was the ball carrier's name and he looked mighty terrified of Trotsky running next to him. With a dialectect inspired treath sprining to his mind, Trotsky released a grin and started to tell how and why BBC Parchelona's defeat was inevitable when a familiar feeling returned, a fist connected to his neck. But his was no fist of Maradona, it was the spiky and metallic fist of Bern Schuster and familiar feeling of having no sensations at all returned to Trotsky.
 

 
Next thing he knew was referee's whistle and victorious yells of Parchelonians, match had advanced to 1-1 situation. This moment of lucidity was quickly fleeting and Trotsky fell back into doctorinal slumber. Then he woke up again, this time to the proper cheers of ideology; with a blurry vision Trotsky realised that the score counter of Vanguard Party had advanced to two somehow. This happiness proved too much for him, and darkness, old friend by now, called him once again.
 

 
When Trotsky's consciousness finally returned more permanently, the match was already long over. Captain Lenin stood next Trotsky's bed, holding is weight against it, clearly still in pain himself.
 

 
"We won enough", comrade Lenin said with but a slight hint of sadness. "Party didn't lose and we all live to fight another day."

[Bouffon]

That catching up needs to be done.

MD5: Narrative Match Report

Nikolai Glevob-Avilov stood on the sidelines, the bench. This was were his was almost every match nowadays; "secret weapon for us to unleash", captain had told him. Still, Nikolai couldn't discount the possibility that comrade vice-captain Trotsky's jealosy of Nikolai's speed and dexterity played a part in this arragement. Here only a thin wooden board kept the murderous horde that was fans away from Nikolai, while in the pitch he soared and he dashed, no one could touch him.

By dialetics, even these elves that now faced the Party had nothing on Nikolai; their sneers were but a cheap veneer to hide their inadequacy. Hubris Rakarth was one of the star players that had joined these Boys in Spandex to face against the Vanguard Party, so far unbeaten this season, and by all measures Hubris was the most honest name for an elf, thought Nikolai. The other one was prince Moranion, a feudal title personified, sign of backward elven culture still laggin behind industrial and imperial humanity.

Match started fast, elves kicking the ball and Nikolai's comrades kicking the elves. Comrade Antonov-Ovseyen and some escorting comrades carried the ball to the elven end zone amidst the chaos that was captain Lenin running after the prince and Rakarth, trying to show them some close quarter will of the people. Although the two stars managed to keep their wits and lives, many common elves sacrifised themselves in the altar of those they thought their betters, lumpenelves. And like any mislead common men, or elves, they took their anger on those their oppressors told to: captain Lenin left the pitch badly injuren after a frenzied and bloodlusting band of elves teared and clawed on him. Nikolai, who had laughed throughout the match, heard his laughter die and high pitched sneers of elves pierce his heart and soul.

Panicked by the loss of their captain, Antonov-Ovseyen scored too fast, and Nikolai was left to watch how elves had one half of a half to return the favor. Trotsky, now in charge, deployd Party up and front, elves suffering from terrible losses while Party still could sat Nikolai in the bench. This seemed to fail at first, as an elf got to run past Party's defences, but that opening forced prince Moranion to step a step too close to Trotsky, who at once jumped at the prince, smashing his collar bone most violently.

Still, the elf past Party's frontline got the ball ran at him by the second one to break through and started stalling by the end zone. Trotsky, trying to push Hubris against comrade Stalin, to give him a flying start to reach the ball carrier, stepped on the still wet blood of Lenin and fell down - elves had a touchdown secured. But everything good comes with a price, dialectics had taught Nikolai, and so it seemed to be when Nikolai's frustrated comrades took out their anger on Hubris, forcing him to his private apothecary's care for the rest of the match.

And then the elves scored, ending the first half. Contemptible snickering and offending jeering filled the stadium's air like Nurgle would've filled it with a fetid stench.

 

 

Trotsky, having slipped on Lenin's blood, had soon lost his consciousness, and now much-hated Stalin was the acting captain. Party's reserves had also run dry, and Nikolai found himself directed to the pitch. He positioned himself behind everyone else, ready to use this vantage point to run and intercept any and all elven attempt to come past the middle line with the ball.

It was then to Nikolai's great dismay that elves got past him fast. Or rather elves got past everyone else, primarily Stalin, and then run the ball fast to the Party's end zone. And as new drive was organised, Trotsky walked up to the field and relieved Nikolai of his duty. So far the true star player of the Vanguard Party had had the honour of taking three steps withing the pitch. And see where it was getting the Party? Defeat it looked like, elves running around if not over the Party.

Perhaps realising this, Trotsky decided to swap comrade Antonov-Ovseyen to Nikolai just before the ball was about to be kicked. Now on the offense, Nikolai ran straight to the ball, picked it up and moved forward with a laugh on his lips. Elves were but a unmoving dots to his eyes as he moved on the green like a lightning. One elf there, Nikolai evaded him before they were even at arm's length from one another, another elf there, Nikolai could've leaped over him with obscene hand gestures showing and it would be easy as walking. But there was a dept of kindness to be payed, Trotsky had called Nikolai in for this drive and Lenin had honoured Nikolai by calling him Party's secret weapon. It took only second for this drive to end, when Nikolai thrusted the ball to Trotsky's arms as he was crossing into the end zone.

Fifth drive beginning, Nikolai was kept in the pitch. With elves receiving the ball and only some moments of game left, Trotsky held a quick pep talk about the historical necessity of the soon coming world revolution, and the vital part that true socialist heroes, here pointing at Nikolai, would make in it. These words perhaps gave Nikolai and his comrades the surge of energy that allowed to quickly blitz past the elven defences just as Nikolai's boot's tip touched the ball.

That was, however, not enough, and soon elves had picked up the ball and thrown it in a wide arc across the entire pitch. Loss and humiliation seemed imminent, but few of the slower comrades, still standing in the Party's side of the pitch, managed, even with their feeble skills, to reach the ball and halt its run. When Nikolai arrived, in just mere seconds, he found the ball lying on the ground, sacked. With his fast hand and faster feet, Nikolai swooped up the ball and run to the elven end zone, past all the pointy eared embodiments of backwards arrogance.

There were no more elven sneers when Nikolai scored Party's 3rd touchdown in the final seconds of the match, just his own superior and justified laughter that soon echoed from the spectators as a wall of noise. 

[Bouffon]

And penultimate (when I wrote this) one of these one-go writings to catch up. Another good-ish one-off joke ruined by making it the whole concept and executing it badly.

 

MD6: Narrative Match Report

Pavel Dybenko focused on the eyes front of him, they were just as human as any he had seen. Then he punched them, this was Blood Bowl after all. Red mist of blood blinded Dybenko for a moment, but when it faded the norseman was gone. Was this meaning of life, or at least a part of it? Dybenko had started following Lenin when it was so beautifully explained to him how winning a championship could usher in an utopia. It had all seemed so clear once upon a time, but now...

...now another norseman run towards Dybenko, who effortlessly deflected and wrestled the wildling down. It was all this constant violence that put Dybenko off, how did this hurting help people, he thought to himself with a sight of Lenin piling on a almost naked northener in his periphery vision. Comrade Gorbunov had already gotten surfed and crowds cheered and pleaded for more blood. They were the people Vanguard Party was trying to help, but were they only helping bloodlust of these sadly ignorant people?

These thoughts troubling his mind, Dybenko accidentally allowed northern man carrying the ball run past him. But Dybenko was in for both a penny and a pound, whatever the pound was, and run after them soon as he realised his mistake. Catching up to the ball carrier, Dybenko dived in and managed to get his legs and arms all tangled around the surprised northener, wrestling him down. This caused the old niggling wound of his to ache.

Blood Bowl was all pain and suffering. This spectacle of violence had enslaved the minds and thoughts of the masses, according to Lenin, and Dybenko couldn't argue with that logic. This bloody sport was a distraction of people's own problems, although less directly painful, much more deep and impactful, because of the sheer volume if nothing else. The northener who had formerly carried the ball tried to stand up, but Dybenko stood up as well and renewed his wrestling hold. Wildling struggling in grasp, Dybenko continued his train of thoughts.

Even if winning a championship made the Party darling of the masses, one whose words would be listened to, would that be enough to justify this. Comrade Trotsky had said something about that, ends justifying the means if ends themselves were justified. But were they? Even assuming that Lenin's championship trick would work, and Party could rouse the people to throw of their chains by calling to them as their champion, what kind of freedom was there to be found?

Norseman's struggle had paid off and he almost broke free of Dybenko's hold, so he vanguardist had to resort to hard measures and he bashed the norselings head in a little. Him quietted, Dybenko raised his eyes up the pitch and saw comrade Antonov-Ovseyen closing in to the end zone. This was one step closer to the Lenin's plan's fruition, but the cost was paid in blood of the many. Was that blood worth it?

If such a degeneracy as a Blood Bowl lead to the revolution, could it give birth to an utopia? Society and humanity could never be free of its history, always informed by it. If working man freed himself of feodalism and industrial tyrants by the means of violent sport, what kind of legacy would that leave? What kind mistakes could born of half forgotten memories of such a revolution? What kind...hairy fist connected with Dybenko's jaw and thoughts were replaced by dancing stars. It seemed like Dybenko had missed the kick and start of the second half.

Luckily the blow was not vital, and despite his bad knee, Dybenko stood up to punch the hairy fisted norseman back. Utopia would need some sort of order, social harmony. This did not promote it by any means, Dybenko thought as the bloodied norseman tried to crawl away despite all the pain and broken bones. All this blood was in Dybenko's hands...he needed something to wipe them with. As fortune had it, yhetee fell down in front of him as if ordered.

Cursing the damned spot that didn't seem to want to leave his hands, Dybenko had to kick a norseling that tried to close in. Still, white fur eventually drank all the red blood. His hands fresh, Dybenko felt like a new man. From this point onward he would never harm another living being, and by his example a gentler even if yet equally firm revolution might be born...and was that some fur-clad muscleman kicking Spectre of Communism, Party's mascot bear? Filled with red-hot hatred Dybenko leaped forward murder in his mind, hurting people was wrong, but animal abuse was even worse. As he was closing in, a sharp shock on the back of his skull happened; everything went dark.

When Dybenko came to, the match was already over and all that remained of it was a horrible pain, like a bretonnian living inside Dybenko's head. Captain stopped by to tell him that Vanguard Party had won, norse scored but could not hold back another properly organised revolutionary offense. That sounded right, last thing Dybenko could remember was a burning hatred, but it still felt like he had forgotten something...

 

...it couldn't have been anything important.

[Bouffon]

And another one immediately, how amazing. Now I am all caught up, hurray! (<-- when I was writing this, again. I really hate my past self, too optimistic for my liking.) Next the one actually meaningful post: analysing (of 4 matches) and pre match theorising.

MD7: Narrative Match Report

"Right", Nikolai Krylenko muttered to himself his voice all deep and serious. "I am going to find the beardy responsible and make him squeel."

The pitch was empty but the signs of struggle were still all over it. A bloodstain there, severed finger here, fistfuls of dwarven beard and torn kislevite mustaches everywhere. Evidence all for those with sharp enough eyes, although occasional skull from older games hiding in the grass made piecing everything together a bit more problematic, red herrings they were called. The bloody mist hanging over the field of bowling glory didn't help much either.

"Only the sharpests of minds could find out the truth we're after", Krylenko smirked, still deep and serious.

"Bit pointless innit, comrade?" Vladimir Milyutin said using his normal voice. "The squeeling I mean. If we know who bashed comrade Nogin's nose in, we'd have no need to make him confess, because we would know and all that."

"It is for justice. For right and wrong. For making our revenge all the sweeter!" Krylenko declared with all his might.

Milyutin scratched his head, pondering. "We're going to hire and elven assassin to poison his beer, aren't we? That's extrajudicial, and it doesn't mean it is more judicial than normal judicialuty, I gather. Very opposite of justice and all that. Not to mention making him squeel would warn him that we know and that we care..."

"Can't I soliloquy in peace, please!" Krylenko cried out, his cocksure and dramatic voice chancing to annoyed and high pitched. "My keen eye requires some motivation for it to work."

"Keen eye, my ass", Milyutin laughed. "Comrade-captain chose us for the job because we were just loiterin around, reading Hegel instead of doing any actual agitating or anything useful. Comrade Nogin must be avenged but he got hurt in such a brawl that camera footage is but useless, ergo Nogin's broken nose will remain unrepayed but will waste an hour or two here to show a token effort."

"Defeatist speak!" Krylenko declared. "But you make a good point about footage, it was useless at that point, but it can tell us of Nogin's moves before that fateful scramble for the ball began, before all things dark and dirty happened, before..."

"I've already watched that footage" Milyutin interrupted his comrade, "just to check captain was right, ye know. And it would be a bit hard to get hold of it now, we're standing in an empty pitch of an empty stadium and all."

Dumbfounded, Krylenko sought for words until he finally uttered words of hardboiled wisdom: "Well, ehr, well."

"Nogin was with me on the right, keeping the main body of dwarves busy while Trotsky's group, your group, secured a some grass for ball to run. That was the idea at least. What really happened in there?"

"...troll slayers. Two of them. Comrade Teodorovich stopped them and Trotsky and Gorbunov, carrying the ball, decided just to run away." There was a hint of disdain Krylenko's voice.

"Explains why Gorbunov came running and screaming towards us quite fast. Trotsky wasn't there though, I heard he kept almost the whole team of beardies busy by his lonesome. Too bad for me and especially bad for Nogin."

"How come?" Krylenko asked.

"See this reddened patch of grass here?" Milyutin asked. "That's where we fought our way forward despite the odds, only to look behind after escaping with our lives but not with knuckles' sense of touch; Gorbunovhad run off, back to path cleared by Trotsky."

"I didn't see it", Krylenko wondered out loud. "Perhaps because I was too busy kicking one of the troll slayers someone punched down in front of me...Trotsky perhaps, come to think of it."

"That was when right side, my side, got almost cleared of dwarves: they all run to stop that."

"So they didn't come to finish me off? Heh, no wonder I survived, thank dialectics!"

"Yes, of course", Milyutin answered. "Anyway, that was when Nogin came back to help me take this one tough customer, Olaf Snowmane I think he is called, down. When I raised my eyes from him, I saw Gorbunov throwing the ball to Trotsky, but they fumbled it. That is where the recordings get bad."

"Scramble for the ball", Krylenko winced at his own words, memory of pain getting to him. "Never nice."

"Yes, I can't say to remember what really happened. Suddenly every place was full of small, armored people trying to beat me with beer mugs, and it wasn't even Saturday", Milyutin laughed at his own joke. "So, this was the spot, and all the cameras could see was general movement and dust and blood rising."

"I wasn't there", Krylenko mused, "I remember the loud noise of it waking me up after I got one those beer mugs straight into my mouth. Some of the foul stuff got spilled into my mouth, dear class struggle, urgh."

"Loud noise was what I saw", Milyutin said and paused. After a long and thoughtful moment of sucking his thumb, he muttered to himself some half-breathed profanity. "I knew Nogin was good in such a scrabble, he guards your back like no one else, and I...I, ehr..."

"What?" Krylenko demanded.

"I kicked one of the dwarves towards him, pushed him into the thick of it. Yes, see, this where he his boots dragged on the ground, trying to stop that."

"And here is where they rise up from the grass", Krylenko pointed out. "At least one of them, the other one spins here, he was kicking someone. But see, it goes around a full circle; it was not a kick, his leg got grabbed and, all my treatisies, it must've been a painful hold they got on him."

"Borri Thunderfist", Milyutin muttered out loud.

"Eh?"

"Borri Thunderfist will kill you for this", Milyutin said out loud. "I thought the dwarf was shouting that to me for pushing him against Nogin, but it must've been to Nogin for touching him, or his bear, or something, who knows."

Two vanguardists stood there in silence for a minute after minute, pondering the situation they found themselves in.

"So", Krylenko started forming out his thoughts finally. "We could say it was Borri Thunderfist that almost ripped comrade Nogin's leg off and broke his nose with the ground, but explaining that would also require us to tell of your little part in it."

"We, ehr", Milyutin licked his lips. "We can share that good bottle of vodka I have, ehr, to celebrate the victory despite this sad thing that happened to Nogin, what a mystery it is."

"Mystery for the ages", Krylenko confirmed while stomping evidence out of the grass.