Dark Flings Memorial Team Blog and Match Reports thread

[Borke]

It is indeed awesome, The Judge Mentals will be flying Dread's colours!

[Sacred Chilli]

Top work Tom!

[LordJair]

The Rotters are in, great work Tom, and Remthar for keeping us amused. 

[Smiling Tom]

Thanks, but I only added some text to a fine drawing from someone else! 

Original artwork:
http://bloodbrothersgame.wikia.com/wiki/Wandering_Treant

[Larkstar]

Score Dread!

[Remthar]

Dark Flings vs Purveyors of Faith

 

Cubbles: Welcome to the Mootcast viewers! I’m Cubbles Greenhill and with me today is our expert guest, Boz Badtooff! Boz is a shaman of the United Church of Gork, Mork N’ Nuffle.

 

Boz: Blessinz of da three godz dearest ta an orcz ‘eart on ya Cubblez!

 

Cubbles: I understand that your church is considered heresy by both the Orthodox Gork and Morkites, and by the Church of Our Lord Nuffle?

 

Boz: Yeh, and everyone else too. Dey just don’t get dat dey iz an ‘oly trinity!

 

Cubbles: Well thank you for coming on to the show. The Dark Flings will be engaging some Dark Elves this week, The Purveyors of Faith! The Dark Flings have a grudge against this team for Match 8 of Season 22, when the suspiciously Dark Elven ref confounded the Dark Flings at every turn!

 

Boz: I ‘ope we’z can see da action, gonna be ‘ard wiv all dis Dark about…

 

Cubbles: The Dark Flings are coming onto the pitch; Darkroot, Dread, Death and… What is that thing?!

 

Dark Overcoach: THAT IS “MORG N’ THORG”.

 

Cubbles: No it isn’t!

 

Boz: Ee’z big enuff, but it lookz funny…

 

Dark Overcoach: HE IS “MORG N’ THORG”. NOT THE RESULT OF A FAILURE IN MY AGILITY POTION! “MORG N’ THORG.”

 

Super-Thorg-Fling: FLORG SMASH!

 

Dark Overcoach: NO! “MORG N’ THORG”, NOT FLORG! BAD ABOMINATION OF EVIL ALCHEMY!

 

Cubbles: The Dark Flings have won the toss, and are receiving first!

 

Boz: Kick iz deep, but a scuttly little ‘un pick it up an startz runnin’! Den da Dread Tree poke a Dark Elf in da eye!

 

Dark Overcoach: HAHA! GOOD JOB DREAD, YOU’LL MAKE UP FOR YOUR FAILURES YET!

 

Dread: …So Can I Have The Ball…?

 

Dark Overcoach: NO.

 

Cubbles: Florg Blitzes a Dark Elf off the pitch K.Oed! The Dark Elves move fast towards the ball, their fast Blitzer Bane managing to beat aside Lucy Heartrender to mark Larry Deathskull with the ball!

 

Boz: But da little fings push away day lone elf, an run up to a treez! Den dey jump on da ‘ead of a lineman an concuss ‘im! Da apoffecary tries ta ‘eal ‘im, but da will of Nuffle iz clear and it don’t work! Pity da ref notices…

 

Dark Overcoach: WHY REF, WHY?! IT WAS JUST A FRIENDLY TAP!

 

Cubbles: The Dark elves reorganise, but can’t find a way past the wall of strength on the halfling team! The forest cage advances slowly but surely…

 

Boz: But dat witch elf iz beatin’ up da ‘alflingz, shez jumpin’ on dem when dey are down! Dat iz good play for an elf!

 

Cubbles: The Dark Flings try to move in to give her a deserved kicking, but a failed dodge leaves Lara Doompain standing exposed next to Thattadamnbeatch! Lara leaves the pitch K.Oed…

 

Boz: Da treez keep movin’, cept dat one…

 

Death: I. Will. Not. Work. With. Him. Any. More!

 

Dark Overcoach: NOOOO, DON’T STOP NOW!

 

Dread: You Are Just Jealous!

 

Dark Overcoach: BICKER BETWEEN MATCHES, NOT DURING THEM!

 

Cubbles: A cage corner… stops… but the Dark Flings are not perturbed! Florg blitzes a path forwards, while Dread anchors the rear of the cage and Darkroot supports! But the right is covered only by Barney Killfury… Who is then killed by Thattadamnbeatch! Larry is marked, but dodges away back into the safety of the trees! Thattadamnbeatch squares off against Dread with most of the remaining Purveryours team backing he up, Dread give ground once, but not twice! A Blitzer dodges into the cage to hit Larry, but Larry Stays on his feet!

 

Boz; Den da little fing sprintz in da score az da treez an’ Florg smash a hole for ‘im, Smashing da hand of a blitzer as a bonus! Nuffle loves dis! 1-0 to the Dark Flings!

 

Cubbles: The Trees line up to take the hits on the LoS, laughing at the elves as they do.

 

Dread: Ha Ha Ha! You Are Small And Squishy!

 

Boz: Da Dread Tree leanz down to taunt an assassin, an…. Da assassin stabz him in da face wiv his tiny knife! Dread Tree goez down!

 

Dark Overcoach: … *Rage induced heart attack* *Dies*

 

Cubbles: Looks like Dread will live, but he won’t be back this match!

 

Dark Underassistants: Clear! *zap*

 

Dark Overcoach: RAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DREAD?! AND WHY DO THEY HAVE TINY KNIVES IN THE FIRST PLACE?! AND WHY THE FUCK DID THE TINY FUCKING KNIFE HURT YOU IN THE SECOND PLACE DREAD, YOU GIGANTIC PUSSY! REF! WHY DO THEY HAVE TINY KNIVES?! CAN WE HAVE TINY KNIVES?! THATS IT, WE’RE BRINGING TINY FUCKING KNIVES NEXT TIME! AND WE WILL SHOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM UP THE REFEREES ARSE IF HE DARES NOTICE!

 

*****

 

Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half readers, slightly delayed while the Dark Overcoach was sedated. I think that the Underassistants are ignoring his orders to “Just toss Dread in a dumpster out the back, its more than he deserves” and are providing actual medical attention.

 

Boz: Dem Delfz are recivin’ da ball, an dey are rushin’ da Flingz! Dey iz movin’ in to fight da Delfz near da sidelinez! Waaagh!

 

Cubbles: But a little fancy footwork from Elsie Razorslaughter and a Blitz from Florg send a blitzer into the crowd, who beat him unconscious! The Purveyours decide to avoid a fight with Florg and run to pass the ball far right… But fumble it!

 

Boz: An assassin iz sent into the crowd after da blitzer, an Da killa witch iz stunned an Surrounded right next to it! Den da little fligz run after da ‘oly ball of nuffle!

 

Cubbles: But Whattadamnbeatch, Thatta’s sister witch elf, beats a halfling off the pitch and the Purveyor’s runner is able to grab the ball from in front of death and pass it forward for a quick score! Score is 1-1

 

Boz: Da little flingz receive da ‘oly ball, an Laryy Defskull catches it! Florg rushes da line wiz a shout, an K.Os anova elf!

 

Cubbles: Thattadamnbeatch goes into a frenzy and attacks the halfling cage, but is left dangerously exposed near the sideline and… is booted off the pitch by Larry Deathskull!

 

Boz: But da elfz ova witch finks dat dey didn’t need da main ‘un in da first place, she injures anova fling! Waaaugh!

 

Cubbles: But the dark flings keep advancing up the left side, Florg leads the way… and rips a lineman in half! Whatta tries to attack the fling cage from the rear, but the halfling rush forwards with Florg! Death and Darkroot tie up most of the Purveyors! The Runner, John Elbowway, tries a desperate dodge past halfling defences, but doesn’t make it! Larry Rushes forward, and hands the ball to Lucy Heartrender, who is screened off from the dark elves!

 

Boz: Da Delfs try to attack, but da ‘oly trinity protectz the flings an dey score to end da game 2-1 to the Dark Flingz!

 

Edited February 26, 2017 by Dreamy

[Ethelred]

Woo hoo - go dark flings!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[straume]

Awesome stuff!

 

And nice result.

[BrotherKane]

Yay! Poor Dread though, how is he going to score if he gets stabbed?

[akirilus]

Grats on beating elves - impressive win.

[Borke]

It warms my heart seeing the number of injuries and deaths, on both sides. That's effective use of Flings!

 

I do hope Dread recovers quickly, though, his attitude is needed on the pitch

[Chubberson]

Classic report

[Zgagor]

"THATS IT, WE’RE BRINGING TINY FUCKING KNIVES NEXT TIME! "

<3

[xanderv]

Cryptotich has major cojones, stabbing Treemen like that.

[Smiling Tom]

Cryptotich has major cojones, stabbing Treemen like that.

This. Truely unbelievable.

[Sacred Chilli]

Great report, good luck with the tiny knives in the next match!

[Remthar]

Thanks everyone! Season is going very well so far, the flings are probably due a mighty kicking pretty soon :p

 

Yay! Poor Dread though, how is he going to score if he gets stabbed?

 

Eh, didn't really make him any worse than usual at it

 

Cryptotich has major cojones, stabbing Treemen like that.

 

Cheeky as hell and I can't believe it worked, but on turn 8 they might as well try, I can't argue with it! But when the little red cross came up over dread I almost fell out of my chair... Can you imagine if he'd died to it?!

[BrotherKane]

... Can you imagine if he'd died to it?!

 

Don't

 

Even

 

Think

 

It

[xanderv]

Dread killed by a stab...I don't even want to think about it.

[straume]

Dark Overcoach: RAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DREAD?! AND WHY DO THEY HAVE TINY KNIVES IN THE FIRST PLACE?! AND WHY THE FUCK DID THE TINY FUCKING KNIFE HURT YOU IN THE SECOND PLACE DREAD, YOU GIGANTIC PUSSY! REF! WHY DO THEY HAVE TINY KNIVES?! CAN WE HAVE TINY KNIVES?! THATS IT, WE’RE BRINGING TINY FUCKING KNIVES NEXT TIME! AND WE WILL SHOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM UP THE REFEREES ARSE IF HE DARES NOTICE!

 

Instant classic! Tiny knives on a tree? I get the frustration

[Gruzmog]

Great read as always! Assasins can provide a suprise every once in a while ^^

[Zunk]

Only just spotted this.....very accurate account of the unexpected bloodbath that overflowed on 'that day'.

 

Dreadlord Hakk the Invincible will always walk with a limp now. Shredder was plain limp....but we left him out in the sun for a bit and he went very stiff......but he's gotten a bit gooey since and smells worse than before.

 

Already story-scribes in the northern wastes have published illustrated novellas commemorating 'that day'; naughty little goats who won't go to sleep at bedtime are read these stories...

 

In better news, The Coil did enjoy a financial windfall after successful suing Spike (their sponsored equipment supplier) for providing clearly defective armour for that match. Every cloud, eh?

[Remthar]

Dark Flings vs Mummy Dolphins

 

[inducements: Mara the Slaughterer, Darkroot Stranglebranch, Violet Evilcookies(chef), Underassistant with sharp stick(Babe)]

 

Cubbles: Hello viewers, and welcome once again to the MootCast! I’m your host, Cubbles Greenhill; and with me today is expert on the Undead Moldbrain the ghoul!

 

Moldbrain: Urkkhaahaahaakuakukukuuu!

 

Cubbles: Ummm, yes…

 

Moldbrain: Urhurhurhurhurrrrkakakakaaaa! *strange black ooze drips from mouth*

 

Cubbles to off screen: Who vets these people?!

 

Moldbrain: Bluhlaaaaargh…urkakakakakakaaaa!

 

Cubbles: Ummm, well the Dark Flings win the toss and are receiving. The weather is cold today, I can see the Dark Overcoach is wrapped up warm.

 

Dark Overcoach: ITS COLD AS A REFEREES HEART OUT HERE TODAY!

 

Cubbles: But Violet Evilcookies has a real counter to the cold, her warm soup tempting even the undead to have some!

 

Violet: There, drink up sweeties! Thats it, you all have some?

 

Dark Overcoach: HAHAHAHAHA! WE SPIKED IT WITH HOLY WATER! YOU ARE WEAKENED WHILE WE ARE STRONG!

 

Moldbrain: Kakakakakakakaaaaaa…*skronk* kaaaaaaaaaa…

 

Cubbles: Huh? Oh, you’re right, there is a blizzard rolling in!

 

Dark Overcoach: SCREW THE COLD!

 

Cubbles: Death starts off strong, shattering the collar bone of a zombie!

 

Dark Overcoach: SEE? NO EFFECT ON TREEMEN!

 

Cubbles: Mara the slaughterer is here, and it seems she’s wielding… a tiny knife?

 

Dark Overcoach: EVERYONE HAS A TINY FUCKING KNIFE!

 

Cubbles: Mara attempts to stab the Dolphins jacked up death-ghoul Limbchewer, but it doesn’t work.

 

Mara: WHY IN THE NAME OF NUFFLE’S BALLS DID YOU GIVE ME THIS TINY FUCKING KNIFE?!

 

Moldbrain: Rahahahahhaaaaa..kakakkkaughuuuulllllgggggg.

 

Cubbles: Lara doompain gets the ball and is safely behind the tree line. The Dolphins Mummies try to get in a fight with Darkroot. This ends badly for them. The tree’s creep forwards, Dread K.Oing a zombie. They then surround and kick Mummies to no effect a couple of times, before moving to the left.

 

Moldbrain: Rakakaaaaa *Wheeeeeeze*

 

Cubbles: But Lara is left standing next to a downed mummy that survives Esme Ragelsayer stabbing at it desperately with her tiny knife.

 

Dark Overcoach: GAH, WHY ARE THE TINY FUCKING KNIFE SO BAD?! SHODDY GOBLIN KNOCK OFFS!

 

Dread: Don’t Worry! I Save You! I Help Team! Away You Go!

 

Cubbles: Lara is tossed up the pitch and away from the mummy… and is injured as she collides face first into the ground.

 

Dark Overcoach: GODS DAMN IT DREAD!

 

Dread: Pitch Is Too Hard…

 

Cubbles: Fortunately for the Dark Flings the Dolphins ghouls are having a hard time dodging today, with the cold effecting them badly it seems. One of them is badly hurt!

 

Moldbrain: Grarararrararaaaaa…siiiissssssssssrrrrrrrs

 

Cubbles: …ok Moldbrain… Anyway, Mara tries to stab a ghoul, and it doesn’t work. But Death comes to the rescue! Tossing a perfectly aimed Larry Deathskull, he hits a ghoul and bring it to the ground! Fortunately Larry is only stunned.

 

Death: I. Was. Aiming. Somewhere. Else. But. That. Works. I. Guess.

 

Cubbles: Lucy Heartrender races across the pitch and grabs the ball! Esme runs to cover her, but trips and smacks her head into the hard frozen ground. She is badly hurt!

 

Dark Overcoach: HUH. MIGHT BE THE FIRST TIME SHE HASN’T BEEN SENT OFF.

 

Cubbles: A ghoul tries to dodge and blitz Lucy, but the ghoul slips and stuns itself on the pitch! Seems no one can dodge today! Lucy races to just in front of the endzone, while Dread smashes a skeleton.

 

Moldbrain: Frrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaa…! *Drools*

 

Cubbles: *Shuffles his seat slowly away from Moldbrain* A ghoul knocks over Mara, freeing up a wight to mark Lucy! But Mara jumps to her feet and shoves the wight in front of Lucy, who slams him off the pitch as she runs in a touchdown! 1-0 to the Dark Flings!

 

Dark Overcoach: HAHAHA! GOOD JOB EVERYONE, NOW WATCH OUT FOR ANY TINY KNIVES ON THE LOS HITS.

 

Cubbles: The Dark Flings set up deep, leaving the LOS to the treemen. The undead catch a high kick, a rush a ghoul forward into scoring range. Then Nazalnun the Impaler attacks Death…

 

Death: Ha! Ha! Ha! He. Doesn’t. Even. Have. A. Tiny. Knife! But. Even. If. He. Did. I. Am. Tougher. Than. You. Dread!

 

Cubbles: Nazalnun sticks his arms right through Death, Impaling him! THEN HE RIPS DEATH IN HALF! DEATH IS… DEAD!

 

Dark Overcoach: … I… DO I HAVE BALSA WOOD TREEMEN NOW?!

 

Dread: At Least You Still Have Me!

 

Dark Overcoach: AAAAAAAAAARGH!

 

Cubbles: Another ghoul tripping over his own feet sees the Dark Flings swarm the sole ghoul in scoring range. The Dolphins try a pass to him, but the ball is fumbled anyway.

 

*****

 

Cubbles: Welcome back to the second half viewers!

 

Moldbrain: Geeehehehheheheheeeeeegrak!

 

Cubbles: Violets cooking continues to inspire this half! The Dark Flings kick deep, and while the Dolphins are able to knock over both remaining treemen, they fail to pick up the ball! The Dark Flings rush past the undead line to try and cut off the ghoul pack from the rest of the team! The ghouls Blitz Mara, but fail to bring her down, though her return stab also fails to bring to the ball carrier.

 

Mara: SCREW THESE TINY FUCKING KNIVES!

 

Dread: I Know! I Not Able To Hurt Anyone Either! Can Barely Hold! I Fed Up! *Takes Root*

 

Cubbles: Dread stuns Nazalnun the Impaler, dragging him off to the right. But the Ghoul pack is now able to bypass Mara, and is running down the right. Except for their second mummy Nazalmun the rotten, who blitzes and kills Larry Deathskull! With no way to stop the undead, the Dark Flings turn their eyes to Nazalnun the Impaler…

 

Moldbrain: Uuuuureyyyyyyyy!

 

Cubbles: Dread keeps the impaler down, and most of the remaining team including Mara gather around him and injure him! But sadly he regenerates, and Johnny Flayman is sent off…

 

Dark Overcoach: DAMN MUMMIES, DIE! AND YOU TOO REF!

 

Cubbles: The Undead turn all their players, apart from Limbchewer with the ball, around and massively gang foul Darkroot! Darkroot is K.Oed and the Ref doesn’t care! He seems to be admiring the skeleton cheerleaders!

 

Dark Overcoach: RAAAAAARGH!

 

Cubbles: The Dark Flings race towards Limbchewer! But the Dolphin continue behind them, knocking down Dread, And Gang fouling him with most of their team!

 

Dark Overcoach: DREAAAAAAD! THINK TOUGH THOUGHTS DREAD!

 

Cubbles: Dread is only stunned! The ref is admiring the lovely snow flakes drifting down! Limbchewer runs in the ball! The score is 1-1!

 

Moldbrain: Uwrrrrreakakakakakakaaaaaaarattthhhhhhhha!

 

Cubbles: Ummm… The Dark Flings only have a short while to score! Ken Fearbane catches the ball as the Flings quickly snap into action, and gets the ball in a halfling cage just behind the LOS, while Dread and Darkroot advance up the left! The Dolphins move into contact, but can’t breach the Fling cage! Mara tosses aside her tiny knife, and just punches Limbchewer in the face, K.Oing him! Dread K.Os a zombie! Ken tries a simple dodge to get the ball up to the trees… and K.Os himself.

 

Dark Overcoach: NOOO! STOP FAILING!

 

Cubbles: But the ball lands deep in the undead ranks. The undead disengae as much as possible, and then kick a down halfling for the hello of it. Clark is undamaged, but suddenly the ref wakes upo and sends off the offending skeleton!

 

Dark Overcoach: NO. THAT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. I’M STILL HAVING YOU KILLED.

 

Darkroot: Mummy. You think you are as good as a Treeman? You think you can push us around? You Cannot. You. Are NOTHING.

 

Cubbles: Darkroot Stranglebranch grabs Nazalmun the rotten’s head in one hand… and crunch it to nothing! The Mummy is dead! …But it seems that the Dolphins crew have a spare head on standby, and the graft is taking…

 

Dark Overcoach: REGENERATING IS CHEATING!

 

Cubbles: The game ends 1-1!

 

 

Edited February 26, 2017 by Dreamy

[Lunchmoney]

Shared with the #bloodbowl world via @ExilesBBLeague my blood bowl related twitter. 

[BrotherKane]

Death can't really be Dead can he?