Vanguard Party - All Your Means of Production Are Belong To Us

[Bouffon]

And in a surprise move, a third one in a straight row. Shortish, but with quality of these it is probably a blessing, ho-ho-ho. Also, the second to last line pretty much tells what I remember of it, and I am writing this 2 hours after the match. Anyhow, now I am fully catched up.

MD8: Narrative Match Report

Nogin touched his nose, it still hurt but the cold snow falling from the icy skies had numbed his senses enough that it was a good pain. Lack of a proper vindicative socialist revenge for the dwarves that had pushed him and mauled him didn't matter anymore, time for anger was over. This was a most splendid moment, for now Nogin would secure divisional trophy for the Party no matter what next match would bring; BBC Parchelona and Boys in Spandex, two rivals for that great honour, had drawed against each other and destroyed each others' chances both.

"Get moving Nogin! There are only moments left!" Lenin's voice thundered across pitch, Nogin woke up from his dreams and took a step forward, making them real. Referee blowed his whistle and both teams took their positions for this last moment attempt at goblin throwing, something that Party was expert at preventing with blitzer ready to do great leaps forward to tackle anyone trying to move past them.

...and then goblins failed to even pick up the ball in the time remaining. It was sad really, Nogin remembered playing against this Underworld team at least two times previously, but he had no memories of any of those matches, not even this one. It was all blur: blur of movement as he and others dashed after the ball where ever it went and eventually won. Sad, puny little things these rats and goblinoids were, and it was a mark of a rotten world that they had to eke out a living by dying in droves playing this bloody sport.

[Bouffon]

After Action Analysis: MDs 4 to 8

So, my awfully busy Christmas season made me write only narrative match reports from then until now, MD8, because, frankly, I welcome any excuse to brush up my English writing skills: the speed, vocabulary, style and so on. This along with my rule of not rewriting things a billion times, but doing fice drafts at maximum has perhaps kept the quality a bit low. Perhaps it is only in my head, I like to bash myself over everything, but still: my apologies for not predicting and then analysing matches.

Then again, because every apology nowadays needs a "but", my matches were kind of boring. Properly developed Kislev, like the one I have here, is a terrible thing to play against: blodge on guard, blodge on ag4 2+ leapers, eternal threat of people leaping inside the cage, the works. Good Kislev really has 3 main weaknesses:

• reliance on many developed positionals, if they are out team is far weaker
• general bloatiness, which allows opponents to bring in wizards and bribes galore
• -eam being a multiplier for luck, lucky Kislev team is the most annoying thing (aside from a kill-lucky killers) that one can face if you ask me, and unlucky Kislev is just a sad bunch of people killing themselves with leaps and failed 1/9 dodges

Numbers 1 and 2 really reinforce one another: Kislev team without enough of those key players is far weaker than a whole Kislev team, but still likely more expensive than their opponent. That leads to lost matches and perhaps a downward spiral. Weakness number 3 is what usually causes those matches where from spiral can continue its course towards the rock bottom.

But number 3 can also mean that you can just click your good Kislev team around without thinking and win matches, go more and more yolo every match because yolo seems to work until you finally play a game where you literally watched Dirty Pair episodes in background and paid more attention to them than to the game...AND STILL WIN. That's what I did, hence my MD8 narrative report  To wit: I suffered zero deaths or stat losses and only 1 MNG during this entire period and it was with my dodgeless pomber just before I met dwarves, so I'd call that a good MNG.

Vanguard Party as it now is (spoiler: TV2270) and my MD9 theorising coming tomorrow.

[Bouffon]

Pre-match Theorising: MD9

 

"I want to congratulate everyone; our Party is stronger and has been performing better than ever before. I've just checked the what you comrades have been talking about for some time now: and yes, even if lose this latch match, we will be gifted the trophy of this division.

 

"Now now, get a hold of yourself, comrades. Hubris leads to defeat, shame and, worst of all, to dead comrades. Let's recapt what we have and what we're against. This is our roster for tonights game."

 

 

"As you can see, the OCC board rates us very high and allow metric ton of inducements to anyone we'll face. They also show their capitalist colours by stealing most of our winnings and calling them spiraling expenses.

 

"As for our opponent, they also hail from Kislev and have also worked on circus,  but they lack class consciousness. Their record for the season may look bad, but they have secured wins and draws from jaws of defeat repeatedly. You can see how long the list of their various broken limbs and internal organs are, known damage too, there is most likely a liver failure or two we don't know about.

 

 

 

"Let's start with their inducements.  My personall estimate is a wizard and a bribe or apothechary or some bloodweiser babes to keep them up. Still, we shouldn't discount any star players, I've heard talk of Slibli.

 

"Now our strategy. We all know what we are capable of, and so we know what they are capable of: never underestimate the circus training. They also play a very aggressive style from what I've heard and what their list of injuries is a testament to. Both us and them can score at our respective leisures, should be our assumption. Still, long us neither of us is scoring, there is always a risk of a cage dive and ball sack.

 

"This in mind, Party will play aggressive game and scoring and stealing the ball whenever able. Because of our superior brawling skills, this kind of fast-paced playstyle should end up in our victory, as their team leaves the pitch faster.

 

"So facilitate this outcome, I, as your captain, will focus on removing their brawler and his broken bones. After that my focus will be on their catchers. Don't be afraid to foul, Party has a deep bench.

 

"One trouble for this plan is that their bear has much better training than our Specre of Communism. Spectre will most likely lose a bear fight, but bears punching each other is much more preferable than any of us getting bunched by their bear. Keep your distance from it.

 

"Let's play for a win even if that risks defeat, our ranking allows us that luxury. But one thing, survival, comes before both win and draw."

[Bouffon]

Narrative Match Report: MD9

Lenin's breath was hard to draw. Reaction should by fundamental laws of nature, that is to say before magic gets involved, be as strong as action, force and counterforce. These other Kislevites seemingly had no magic, so why Lenin felt like he had exhausted himself punching but these other circus people didn't seem to grow any more weary of it. Sure, they were fast running out of space to pile their bodies, but their resistance only intensified. It was something new; elves and rats had ran away from the Party, other teams had faced them head on, but these fellow civilized northeners were elastic.

Where Party attacked, these Cirkör players scattered. Where Party defended, Cirkör players did not attack. Still, most important of all, they were succesful in what they did; ball was contantly threatened by something, even if there was nothing but pair of Cirkör's players still standing. This was something to think upon, but now work called, for final push for victory was about to start. Lenin used the bloodied and limp corpse of the player he had piled on upon as an aid to stand up, some kind of mixture of blood and bodily ooze pulped out of it as Lenin's weight shifted on it.

Yes, they might be all dead soon, but this Cirkör had something going on. Lenin knew that one of his visions was coming now, dreams that turned into reality as he watched both; Party's ball would not reach the end zone, match would end in a draw. There was a longer vision too, not in length but in scope; Party would die painful death by battery as these Cirkör folks had, but they at had a cause. It was champion division, several seasons from now, and Party would burn themselves in the altar of their ideology and their corpses would be crowned.

Oh yes, this aggressive style could be copied, but for a purpose.

[Bouffon]

Post-Match Analysis: MD9

I actually did not win, that was a bit of a surprise. Even more surprising is that it was not the dice at all, those were on my side. What got me was @tubragg's playstyle, which is probably not the best for long term development of the team, as it was aggressive as hell (explains those permanent injuries on them). Still, the moments dice were with him it was mighty annoying to deal with a Kislev that just leaps a guard in and them follows to sack, no matter whether they can make it out alive or not. This and some bold runs during their drives made it 2-2 and gave me two turns to make it 3-2.

Then I dropped the ball, or to be precise: gaven them the opportunity to drop the ball from my hands. Check out the start of my last drive, turn 15, I am the blue team. Good plan, explained after the image, drawn drawn as not-so-good arrows.

What I should do is to break through on my right, make a cage there and run my MA8 catcher in there, pick up the ball with my MA8 AG5 catcher in the back there, stay behind my scrimmage players, wait for their turn, pass to either my first MA8 catcher or AG4 blitzer forming the part his cage, whomever is up and/or easier to free for catch, and score. Any players not working on this base their players. Very likely to succeed because ag5 and ag4 action only, 2 to 3 blocks/blitzes max, all of them with block or wrestle and I had a reroll for both turns.

But this is what the pitch looks like after my turn:

All I can say is that my brain must've been turned off or something. Here's a regular reminder: Kislev catchers are ST2 (hence the slightly smaller circle), and this one is standing basically in the open. I have them all based, but there is one ag4 lineman there, so it was but a single 2+ for 2d block against my blodge. Cirkör had no rerolls, but it was pow, sack and rest of their players basing the ball. Rest is history.

What I will mark down for the future is how effective that team-killing playstyle was at holding back a better team. I've seen it before, but Tubragg executed it with style and dedication new to me. Something I'll most likely go for if I ever reach Championship tier. My current Team First -strategy suits the Party better before for gettings to champs, but after that it is all-or-nothing to be the winniest winner of them all.

[Bouffon]

Post-Season Pondering

Let's start with the facts: I lead a blessed life this season. I somewhat loathe to bring my casualty luck up again, but before this season had started I had sacked or lost 6 or 7 players during the previous 3 seasons. That is about one permanently lost piece every 4 matches (actually closer to every 3.5 matches, if we factor in that I had some admin wins during previous seasons). This is in itself quite a good run, but when we add 9 matches of this season, some against very murder-oriented teams, it becomes simply silly. Add to this the fact that all those lost players were at most lvl 2 easily promotable catchers, and starting from this season Party was in such a good condition that I have no real fodder.

And that was just my casualty luck. While Kislev is very flexible and, now you can laugh at me, perhaps the best team there is after it reaches a certain point, the main thing it has going for it is the leap. If you've stumbled upon my posts on the matter in Discord, you know that I really don't like casual leaping. In my opinion there always has to be some large and immediate reward for it, being aggressive for just being aggressive can and will work great as a method to force draws or steal wins as this season's MD9 proves, but as Tubragg's Cirkus also proves, doing it match after match kills your players.

Still, when your team has multiple blodge guards and ag5, you can have that immediate and realistic reward that I want almost every turn, hence I played a bit aggressive myself, especially during the latter half of this season. And the thing is, it worked. Kislev's ability to use their leap to force those draws relies on the fact that they can leap turn after turn until they finally get those good rolls for 3+ leaps and then the sacking block, brute forcing it. While I felt safe moving my blodge guards in, for they would survive close contact with the opposing team, most of my moves rely on multiple 3+ rolls and I can't remember a single time those truly failed me. This kind of luck gave me far more opportunities to be annoying for my opponents that is statistically likely.

Finally, to move away from my luck, I think my Kislev and Blood Bowl play has improved so much that I've reached a new level. I am a very intuitive coach, as in I don't really have more of a plan than a vague idea of what I want to do. This has lead to many silly mistakes throughout my career, but during this season I've realised those misplays as or even before they happened. With some impulse control I should be able to clean my play a lot. My two-pronged offensives especially got pretty impressive in my opinion, with a many potential ball movers scattered across the pitch during all moments.

And on top of that, I won my division and will get my first forum badge for it. Things can't get better than this, so I can only predict things going downhill next season. Still, even halfway down this hill and I am still in tier 1 come 16th season.

Now Party as it is at the end of this season and some stats:

I love these guys.

TDs done: 17
TDs taken: 7
Injuries inflicted: 103
Casualties inflicted: 28, 2 of them kills
Injuries taken: 85
Casualties taken: 8
KOs taken: 19

And finally. By my count Vanguard Party is now in the top 3 most expensive (read: bloatiest) teams in OCC. Someone please kill those competing Nurgles, I want to be fat-happiest of them all!

[Bouffon]

Pre-Season Nervous Breakdown Ego Trip: S15

New season in a new tier and division means many new teams trying to kill me. Today we're going to take a look at them and see me predicting 60% win chance against them at worst. First off we're looking at my team and sing its praises and go through some of my plans for it and certain individual players. After that I am going through every opposing team and tell how and why I should win them if they are my MD1 pair, followed by my somewhat more realistic take on the season as a whole will most likely go.

 

The Vanguard Party

 

These are my darlings and a very good team by all accounts. Their record is a solid 22-5-9 which is good for any team and by the look of them, they have a bright future ahead of themselves.

As you can see, The Party has it all: blodging guards, fast AG4 and really fast AG5 pieces, wrestle fodder, killer, tanky big guy and AG4 brawler/surfer. This balance of speed, agility, strength and resilience is the true beauty of Kislev and one of the best possible team compositions one can has in Blood Bowl. Although, I must admit, getting to this level is pretty much luck and praying. Their only weak spot is that because every piece has potential of being darn good and paying a high initial cost for all that potential, they bloat like the Nurgle of your nightmares.

Now, let's go through all the revolutionaries in The Party. I will handle some of the players individually, but about half of the team will be handled in chunks of similar pieces.

Spectre of Communism
Party's seemingly useless bear that just fails to even get an MVP. I say seemingly, because the bugger still acts as a punching bag very splendidly, and I bought it for just that purpose. Kislev players are pain to train and any permanent deaths just plain suck, so 140K + levels is a fair price to pay for a piece that can stay in the pitch and tank those hits. Going to the past, it also helped my early days a lot, when it developed guard when my blitzers were still going for blodges. Assuming it finally gains some levels, I go for the following skills: block (doubles), dodge (doubles), pro (doubles) and break tackle.

The one true problem with Spectre is that if it finally levels and levels again without doubles, I am not able to realistically sack and replace it like I should. With my TV the spiraling expenses are just horrible and I don't want to throw money away unless someone dies.

Vladimir Lenin
Party's captain and killer...as in he kills for the Party, not the Party (that would be Stalin). He has had some rough time being both an important piece and the only blitzer without dodge, but he's still alive and close to leveling. Speaking of the hard times, I think it is mostly on me, not using him carefully enough and leaving him to be fouled far too often. I have improved on that a little during last season, but I hope I can and will improve on it even more. With two levels left to gain, and only one realistically available, I am going for dodge just to keep him alive, skipping anything but +ST to take it.

Leon Trotsky
Party's vice-captain and the one who usually leads the team to victory when Lenin is taking a nap with a bone snap during 2nd half. Trotsky rolled +AG after Party's first or second match ever and has been awesome forever since then. Agility gain on a blitzer is just the thing that allows next level Kislev plays, as 2+ leaping is years ahead of 3+ leaping. Aside from being my prime scorer, Trotsky has recently developed frenzy and has leaped in to do some a pretty surf or two. With only the last level to gain after 98 SPP grind, I don't think Trotsky will ever level up again, but then it is most likely a sidestep for him.

Joseph Stalin & Viktor Nogin
My two regular blitzers, the ones with blodge, guard and sidestep, although Stalin still lacks the last one. There is not much to say about these guys, except that they are the workhorses of the team, being there to support my linemen while staying alive with their superior ability to move it when tough guys come calling. I am not sure what to pick after the sidestep for these guys, most likely some extra mighty blows or additional tackles to complement the diving tackle.

Nikolai Gorbunov & Vladimir Antonev-Ovseyen
My two blodging guard catchers. Sure, the other one has +MA and the other one took nerves of steel with another doubles, but they handle pretty much the same. They pick up the ball and they run, Antonev-Ovseyen does the running a little better with his larger movemement allowance, but Gorbunov can pass the ball from tackle zone no problem, making the intercept harder in the process. It is sidestep and sure hands for both of them with levels, perhaps pass for Gorbunov if he rolls yet more double.

Nikolai Glevob-Avilov
The guy who's name I always write wrong couple of times and perhaps my best player. Glevob-Avilov is that amazing ag5 piece that everyone wants, but he is also ma9 after 2x+MA. Add in me having a frenzy player and I can pretty much always one turn in at least three different methods, most of them immune to the usual screens that prevent blitz from the scrimmage's backline as I can leap there. Also, 3+ intercepts if I ever need to field him outside of 1TTD.

 

My overall policy is to keep him in waiting in the bench for those one turns, hoping that it might keep him alive for at least two additional matches. If he happens to survive to that final level, I think it is sure feet or catch for him, to make those one turners safer or easier for him.

Linemen
The fodder of The Party. Still, they are the fodder that is kinda hard to level up so I care about them. There is not really much to say about these guys, they go for wrestle, tackle, pro and then hope for doubles to have dodge and guard. One of them diversifies with a kick, new one taking that guys place should he die.

 

Currently my kick one, Milyutin, has MA bust, but that is not so bad. What is worse is my niggling wrestle+tackle, Dybenko. I didn't kick him at the time because I needed that tackle, my only one at the time, but now I am more worried about my bank and spiraling expenses. Also, I've noticed that he attracts fouls and blitzes from the killers, so the niggle might actually be a positive thing that keeps my actually good players alive and well.

 

 

Stadium
Their stadium upgrade is still Squig Sandwich Kiosk which prevents Throw a Rock and Get the Ref kickoffs. Some people keep telling me to get the wizard stadium, but I'd rather make my opponents use their inducement money to throw fireballs at me and I can cage break with leaping guards if I want to go for a sack. My usual option, the one that prevents Riots and Pitch Invasions, isn't that good for Kislev, for a team with 4 jump ups and all leaps can actually recover from a pitch invasion.

 

 

Opponents

Now for the main thing, at least in my mind: the opponents for this season. Like I said before, I am going to presume I meet everyone with their current lineup against my current lineup. May repeat themselves a bit, this lack of how we exactly meet keeping summaries short and general.

Themyscira Valkyries - Amazon - @RobinF

Usually when I play Kislev I can't articulate my hatred of zons enough. This time I am not so sure. Kislev is usually bad against Amazons because they lack tackle, guards and get some 600K inducements against them in addition to those handicaps. This time though I have the lead in guards, my high tv includes many tackles, I have a dedicated killer piece and amazons actually lack many nastier skills because of their many +stats. Kislev just happens to be good against teams that have those higher stats naturally, namely elves, so to me it seems like these amazons actually nerf themselves with these levelups, not to mention bridging the TV gap somewhat.

All that in mind, I'd say my chances to win are 60% which is like twice as high as I would normally say about amazons and their stupid brawling playstyle.

 

Hollow Knight - Nurgle - @FeedMePlz

Nurgle...Nurgle...NURGLE! Gods how I hate these guys. I have especially good reason to hate these specific guys, as they whopped my ass 3-0 during the last match of my first season in OCC, but perhaps this is my revenge match. Anyway, aside from all the clawmb guard warrios, this is not so bad team to face: lack of dirty player helps a ton, minimal tackle is nice, no PO is amazing and niggle on the two most important players is something every Nurgle team should have. All I need to do is to keep my distance, be surgical and accept that I might lose a lineman.

All that in mind, I expect to win chance to be 70% with safe play.

 

Necromaniacs USA  - Necromantic - @Geiger

With these old teams, and this one is the old as it gets in OCC in BB2, I should really expect those single double players, but clawmb wolf always depresses me. Lucky for me, the other killer player, wight, having ag bust and niggle cheers me up in equal measure. Still, regen is a thing babes are a thing too, so I shouldn't expect not seeing those two in the pitch all the time, ie. I should expect to get hit hard by these guys. But that is only the kill potential, as otherwise this team looks pretty weak and should be winnable.

I say I will win with 60% likelyhood. Looking at that team, I should go for 70%, but I have abysmal record against Necroes.

 

Pillars of Heaven - Dark elf - @Trunkhead

This is lovely. Not only elves, something I am designed to win against, but not very good elves in my opinion,. Again, this is the same deal as with those Amazons: statups are good, especially movement and agility, but Kislev negates those somewhat. Throw the loners in and there is not even that much inducement money they can burn, a star player or two at most.

I am very optimistic about this and say 80% chances of winning for me. And this is a good point to remind you that these are chances to win, not to win or draw.

 

Tzeentch's Globetrotters - Chaos - @Nicola17

Hey, someone followed me here from 3B, how nice. What is not nice is that minotaur, that I luckily managed to evade last season due to its MNG during our match. But the minotaur aside, Globetrotters are actually pretty easy on the kill, with only one clawmb without piling on and very minimal tackle and guard. Aside from any potential star players, I should be able to run circles around them and perhaps even outbash them.

So, I think I am going with 70% win chances. Could be more, but I assume cautious style with these mutation teams.

 

Bat Losers - Vampires - @jrpeart

I said I was going to talk about these teams as if I met them right now, but here I am going to concede a recovery from MNG to Count Konrad. Not that having one extra vampire with AV bust in the pitch changes much, as vampires are elves but only more sucky, bad pun totally intended, and Kislev is very good against elves. What is different in vamps vs. kislev match is that cage works for neither side: I can leap in and vamps can do the same with sensual looks into your eyes. This means more movement focused game, and one should always keep vamps moving anyhow, as they will slowly eat themselves out of the pitch. What I like is their lack of guards, allowing me to 2d those st4 bastards with my gaurd arsenal. I expect this to be funniest match during the entire season.

Vamps with their whole roster available have 20% chance of winning or drawing me, that is to say I have 80% win chance. Hubris, fail me not.

 

Elven Poetry - Nurgle - @Ozone

More Nurgle...oh well, at this tier facing only two of them is good luck in itself, I guess. This one is the worse than the previous one, but still not so totally silly with the kill-skills as Nurgle might be. If I am lucky with removing their killers, easy for a team with leaping guards, I might even outbash these guys. Not that I am going for that kind of game, as careful play does it in these matchups.

I go with my usual 70% chance, but this one comes with a disclaimer that my team just might start dying fast and then it is like 0% chance. Coin toss and first turns decide this more than any other match this season, I feel.

 

Disciples of Death - Chaos- @King Kill

Piling on minotaur and 5 rerolls? If anyone kills me this season, I want it to be these guys, they deserve it. Sadly, that might be hard for them, as they lack guards, half of their two tackles is niggling and that reroll amount means very little inducements even against me. The usual applies here: I will keep my distance and hit where it hurts.

Yet another 70% chance, am I boring or what?

 

Local Heroes - Dwarves - @Mr Bill

Another team that goes back tot he dawn of OCC in BB2, and of course something that resilient is short and violent. Lots of guard and lots of kill potential make these guys pretty hellish if I am not just running away. Lucky for me, running away just might be competative: they are slow and I can leap and run away from them towards their own end zone. Add into this equation my one turner player and I can do 2-1 grind against them, where the grind is defending after I score on my half. Still, this is the second most horrifying team for me. One good thing for me is that they have TV bloating death roller, which is easy enough to deal with even if we play on their free bribe stadium, I just have to score quick twice!

With those horrors in my mind, I can only say 60% win for myself. How sad is that?

 

Season Overall
It all comes down to luck, this is Blood Bowl after all. Deaths, a theme I like to emphasise, of course matters, and then there is the 2+ rolls failing and stuff like that, but the most important thing for my final ranking this season will be how the division is seeded. Worst scenario is matching against easy teams after the worst bash teams that actually manage to give me deaths or MNGs that prevent me from doing my thing with those easy ones. I expect I'll lose a game or 3 like that: bashed by one team and weakened against the other.

Other consideration is what I want from this season. Initially I want, of course, to win and move towards winning the championship. But if that dream proves to be unfeasible by several early defeats, I will most likely downgrade into leveling my players, especially those linemen in need of doubles. If it comes to that, I'll most likely play more bashy as well, for not going up a tier most likely means staying in this division and rematching against same teams come next season, ie. crippling them in anticipation is a good thing.

Lastly, my awards row, now that I have, looks a bit empty. Kislev really can't hope to win dirty git, but bounty hunting and wild scoring are both viable aims. And if things go south, well, there is the rubber helmet, right?

[Bouffon]

Season has began and Nuffle's dice has settled my fate. It seems to be a good one. Below are my opponents in the order I'll meet them.

 

 

•   Trunkhead - Pillars of Heaven - Dark Elf - -
•   Nicola17 - Tzeentch's Globetrotters - Chaos - 
•   RobinF - Themyscira Valkyries - Amazon -
•   Mr Bill - Local Heroes - Dwarf - -
•   King Kill - Disciples of Death - Chaos - -
•   Ozone - Elven Poetry - Nurgle - -
•   FeedMePlz - Hollow Knight - Nurgle - -
•   Geiger - Necromaniacs USA - Necromantic - -
•   jrpeart - Bat Losers - Vampire - -

 

As you can see, I get easy landing with pillowy dark elves, followed by some easier opponents before diving into the deep end and finishing off with some funny vampires that likely allow me to start next season without many MNGs. Not perhaps the most ideal way to put these horrible people in a row, but I am not complaining. One thing to be happy about.

 

What is not shown is that I mostly meet killer teams after they've met one or two other killer teams that are very nasty on them, dorfs after nurgle is has cleaved them a bit is a good example. That is to be expected with this kill heavy league, but it is not guaranteed. Other thing to be happy about.

 

Last note that I have, is the difficulty of training specific players in these hardcore killer teams. This means getting good new players is hard for those Latter Day Pukefeasts of Nurgle, even if they do not lose any pieces. Meanwhile I should be able, Nuffle permitting, to train my replacement players from any early deaths before I meet them, and, if I am spared from deaths, my linemen might do some scoring and roll some doubles. This if on top of another if, but let's call that a third point to be happy about.

 

Thrice as happy and hopefully thrice as lucky, that's me.

[Bouffon]

S15 MD1: Match Report

 

"So let us begin the review!" Lenin proclaimed standing atop of dead elf still lying on the pitch. "How did we do?"

 

Cacophony of voices started as every member of the party, at least those still and yet conscious, started speaking at the same. Soon the sound died down when Stalin managed to shout over everyone else: "We didn't watch our back!" and murmur of agreement was heard.

 

 

"Or the backs of our heads, in some cases", Trotsky added and gained a pained laugh out of some.

 

 

"The whole first half was a fiasco in that manner", Gorbunov, one whose back had been the most unwatched, admitted. "And I will quite literally bear the scars of this day to remind me of it. But it was not only my back, my face has some new bloody markings too, I had no protection out there."

 

 

"I noticed that when I got the ball after comrade Gorbunov went down", Nogin said in agreement. "Was it those bourgeois witches and their attempts to play on outdated chivalric ideas of not hitting women? It was one of those that got me."

 

 

Lenin laughed at the conversation died, whole party awaiting their captain's comment. "No", he started with wide grin on his face, "it was not those witches, for we're above petty ideals of old. None of you noticed how our game improved after I finally cornered that malicious villain, Sidewinder? I'd blame one half of our faults on his deep purple eyes and luring gaze, now covered in tears when I twisted his toes into a knot."

 

 

"Still, in the end we...aaaarh!" Lenin stumbled and almost fell, when dead elf under him moved and let out pained moan. Quickly regaining his balance, Lenin kicked him, or perhaps it, back into unmoving state. "I thought this was a dead one?" he asked no one spefically.

 

"I heard he was a temporary addition to their roster", Trotsky answered. "Teams declaring them dead and leaving them to bleed into that reality is not unheard of. Saves one player's salary."

 

Lenin raised his eyebrow and looked down. After some moments of pondering he kicked the elf couple of more times, muttering something about lumpenproleariat and their proper fate. Soon he, however, stepped back on top of the now most certainly dead elf and resumed where from he was interrupted: "As I was saying, we did win in the end, but we all saw the vacant and spent look on comrade Trotsky's face; we should not burn out like that during the first half."

 

"Sleeping nights instead of writing manifestos might work" Stalin snorted.

 

  

 

Lenin raised his hand to silence the bickering before it even started. "Second half had a better showing from all of you. Elves too must've realised that, for that started their fouling then. Against dirty playing like that, we have not much in our arsenal, but more care could've been taken."

 

"Aye", comrade Milyutin said, "by the reactionary referee for instance, curse his ears. I asked around after the match and didn't hear of any bribe, so I wonder what he was looking at most of the time..."

 

 

"We'll never know, and it is useless to wonder about the gone past without a hope of learning from it", Lenin said. "But when one can learn something it is worth it. Let me gladly tell you that our apothecary has confirmed that Spectre will live, despite those horns piercing its 3rd replacement spleen. May we not abandon our mascot like that in the future."

 

 

 

"All of this I could persecute you for, call your revolutionary spirits failing ones", Lenin said with a stern face. "But I will not, for then I would be in error, mixing rust accumulated between long weeks between seasons for lack of spirits that I know all of you have." Party cheered their captain for his words of encouragement. "And that said, I want to congratulate those who found best during the last deciding moments out there. Most of all our valiant vice-captain Trotsky, who helped our cheering fans avenge those many fouls..."

 

 

"...and in doing that forced elves to run circles from our left to our centre..."

 

 

"...allowing out brave comrades Krylenko and Dybenko to acquire the ball when he himself run to receive it from that..."

 

 

"...most amazing leap and run from comrade Gorbunov..."

 

 

"...who ran fast enough to leave even the fast-eyed elves wondering what happened..."

 

 

"...allowing now twice-praised comrade Trotsky to score a win for the party, despite the highly unlikely anomaly in the weather."

 

 

Lenin was about to continue with some last words, when elf under him let out another noise. It was like a tortured howl of a zombie, but more wet, as if there was drunken and slurred man of ugly voice harmonising with the living dead.

 

"Still alive?" Lenin asked the elf. "You're one tough class traitor, I give you that", he continued and kicked the elf once again.

 

"Please comrade-captain", Antonov-Ovseyen interceded, "I think it is already dead and only releasing post-mortem gases. Stop kicking the dead elf, it is not worthy of us."

 

And so Lenin did.

[Bouffon]

Match Report: MD2

 

"Move your thoughts beyond the mere revolution, focus on what lies behind it", Lenin adviced Trotsky from his sickbed. Vice-captain had laid  his papers and pens on table next to said bed and crouched over it grinding his teeth.

 

"Society of communism? Abolishment of state and construction of new society?" Trotsky asked.

 

"Next societal stage is but a revolution away, yes", Lenin confirmed, "but while communism is end justifying our means, it has its own end too. What lies at the end of dialectics?"

 

Smart grin rose on Trotsky's face, and he chuckled to himself. "Universal human emancipation", he said without asking for now he knew. "Yes, that is how to write our last escapades into a worthy propaganda!" Trotsky's writer's block had dissolved from a touch of inspiration.

 

Lenin smiled as well, for he was proud of his vice-captain and price pupil. "Now, as your pen touches the paper, tell me what you write, so I might as well know stories of our glories."

 

"When Tzeentch's Globetrotters and Party faced one another in rematch of glory and revenge, for Party and Globetrotters respectively, their struggle quickly escalated into bloody exchange of blows at midfield, with many instults hurled to each direction. Working man's rightful sneers of course rose above the low insults of beastial men of the wilds, and working man's crowd cheered for the Party mightily.

 

"Will of the masses behind them, Party launched their best of stratagems, and Great Captain Lenin charged in after the ball, with Spectre of Communism leading the way. Together the ideal embodied by the Party's mascot and the courageous leadership of Party's captain overcame the ball's defenders and trusted its fate to the inevitability of history. As the most advanced theories of Party, now right proven, proclaimed, the ball, symbolising evolving human freedom, moved where those willing to tackle with the forces of history wanted it to move, but only because they were in tune with historical forces themselves.

 

"That is to say, to use terminology of the game itself, that the scatter of the ball was most right."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Freed from the oppressing grip, the ball had found its natural way of being. While willingly leaving the rectionary hand, so did it also wish to willingly accept helping hand of progress, shoudl one be offered. This in mind, Party moved in, ready to assist ball's movement to its inevitable destination.

 

 

"And rest after that happened as any thoughtful mind would expect. With that score ended the first half of the match, and preperations for the second began. In this second act of pitchly drama of blood and balls, Globetrotters would assault Party's defensive lines, now weakened by the temporary loss of their great captain Lenin, who had been moust fiendishly tortured after his reclaiming of the ball. Yes, reclaiming, for the Globetrotters had stolen the object of the game from Party's hands with violence, and the start of this telling was in battle started by that act.

 

"Now in lead, vice-captain Trotsky opted for defensive style of play, invited and inspired by the foulness of Globetrotters. Answering oppression with oppression was not the answer, even if violent opposition of reactionary forces is duty of all. Instead, Trotsky designed to answer oppression of Party's opponents with freedom; allowing them full and complete access to the Party's side of the pitch.

 

"And, as proven by what is now history, this plan was of the working kind. Let it be known that reactionary forces, forever seeking to dominate anything and anyone, also dominate themselves in the process, locking even themselves to bondage of failing customs. Unable to understand the freedom offered to them, Globetrotters movement across the pitch was slow and slumberous, with the chaos team badly scattering in the process.

 

 

"It was then, at the very last moments of reactionary advance, that Trotsky shouted Party's warcry, and with that freedom on his lips, lead the last charge against stunned chaos worshippers. With swift movement party members filled every single sloth and confusion caused hole in Globetrotters defences and started the last struggle. Trotsky himself soared high above all, leaping right to the ball, ignoring everything else, and after tug and tussle again freed the ball from tainted hands carrying it to the past and death.

 

 

 

 

"But forces of progress were winning, inevitable counterpush started. Partymembers were pushed left and right, by spiky claws in the left and by pointed horns in the right. Quickly formed defensive circle around the ball, there to fight until their death or blow of the referees whistle, started to thin, spread and falter. With inspiration and cunning commands from Trotsky, the ball was lost, but hope still stayed, for another sack, as freeing of the ball is called, was still possible. This heavy duty would fall on Trotsky himself, most able to do it out of all.

 

 

"But when Trotsky, and that is me, dear readers, the writer of this article of Pravda you're reading – in other words, I am Trotsky ­– was about to start his victorious charge, he, and that is I, was stopped by a terrible noise coming from mine rear. Turning around I saw a most terrible sight, one that has claimed many honest and deserving lives.

 

 

"The pain...there are no words for the pain, so I attempt not to give any...

 

 

"Suffice to say, when I came to, I raised my eyes to the skies and score board, to see the most shameful sight imaginable. I had failed the Party, and to the spectators gathered in stadium that day I had not shown the ultimate victory of universal freedoms, but rather the ambigious tale of eternal fight between what must be and what is. I beg for your pardon now, for I cannot write more, my shame not driving me to sulk, but to prepare better for the next challenge to face the Vanguard Party: terrible warrior woman called amazons"

 

[Bouffon]

Match Report: MD3

 

"What is the last thing you remember?"

 

"What?"

 

"Yes, 'what' was the question."

 

"What what?"

 

"Yes, what... Dammit, lost in phraesoly again, dimwitted nincomboobs these bowlers. What. Is. The. Last. Thing. You. Remember. That was the question."

 

 "Battlefield surrounded by bloodthirsty masses, ready to draw it out themselves if not shed willingly for them." 

 

 

"I was, and am still, am I, shedder of that blood. Warrior on that eternal field, fighting the eternal battle."

 

"Your recollection is veracious. On that battlefield, who you fought and over what? What did you observed when peregrinated into the fray to be?" 

 

"It was battle of honour. Yes, fought under rules of its own kind of war. Our aim was to humiliate the...the women? Why does that idea taste disgusting on my tongue when wondered aloud? Women were our enemies still, for reasons I can't remember, perhaps for the lack of reason;  the battle was ritual after all."

 

"Curiously sound reflection from someone in your state. But I asked what did you see in that battle?"

 

"First clash was over by the time I came to battle. There was this hole in our lines and I decided to plug it with...myself...yes, that I did. There standing, I looked right and then I looked left. In the right I saw vast emptiness strecthing, where the masses of our women-enemies...massed. Left of me I saw my comrades-in-arms...comrades? Yes, comrades. I saw my comrades there and they taunted those warrior women by dangling this...this ballin front of them and shouting and jeering."

 

 

 

"According to testimonies given to me... Your anecdotes correspond the past events of factual existence at the time. Please, do continue."

 

"I...I...I heard sounds of struggle...yes, struggle to my right and remember touching one of those women. Touching one of them with great speed and anger, pushing her away from me. It was, aaah, it was a bad kind of touch, for her if not for me. Then my eyes travelled back to my left and I saw the flaunting of my comrades had been a mistake. The ball had been taken by these warrior-women and I felt hope escaping me."

 

 

 

"Your...cant, I think is the best description, it seems little harmed by your trauma. That is generally held as good sign, but in these bowler arts, if they can be graced with that name, large lexicon is rare-found item, but it seems common in your deluded comrades as well. But these musing are mine, yours to tell is your tale, please continue."

 

"It was a moment of violence exploding all around me. Before I could move, my comrades came running and battled the ball's escort. Panicked, that ball-holding woman escaped towards me and...I kicked her with all my nearby comrades, great many of them, shouting congratulations and encouragements to me. And when I stood up from my kick, their cheers for me turned into cheers overall, and I saw one of them running with the ball to beyond some line those women had guarded with their frail bodies." 

 

 

 

 

"Exactness of the tale weaved by your string of words is continuing to amaze me greatly. Some of my more high-minded collegues might ideate this session so easy and straightforward that it equates with more base thievery on their part. In my own defence, I know diagnosis to be diagnosis and payment to be payment and these things to be linked, and latter to be demanded hard no matter of the ease the first was gained. Mind my soliloquize and do continue if you please."

 

"What? I mean...what?"

 

"I would rather not have this dialogue again, especially not with the line I am now forced to say, but I am truly forced. What 'what'?"

 

"What do you...why do you speak like that?"

 

"I have education and not some demented ramblings of failed professor guiding my life. But this is about your being, both physical and mental. Continue your tale."

 

"Right. It seemed like that victory inspired my comrades, and they threw themselves to battle when it started again...to the game, the battle was a game of some strange and violent sort. But yes, they threw themselves in and before the women could react, I saw their terrified rear guard taken out by our eager vanguard. I was about to move forward and join them when I heard a noise from my right."

 

"Noise?"

 

"Terrific scream, hight pitched sound of pure terror and growl of bloodlust. All put together, and I felt terrified myself even before I turned my head and saw...I saw..."

 

"What did you see?"

 

"It was a...no, the pure face of horror. Piercing long teeth and hideously grimaced face of one of those women as she leaped against me, screaming my death.

 

 

 

 

"...pure horror. And...oh my dear freedom! It was blood bowl, and we...did we win, did the Party win?"

 

"Ah, it must've been the shock of seeing those oft-mangled amazons up close...quite understandable actually. You remember your name?"

 

"Yes I do. I am Trotsky, the vice-chairman and vice-captain of the one and only Vanguard Party of comrade-captain Lenin."

 

"Yes, it was the shock, this is now beyond my considerable skills of doubt. And you reliving your shock in your recollection has cured you of all the overt ills of first witnessing it. Consider yourself cured, Mr. Trotsky, and pardon me ending this session here and continuing on to collect my just reward from your captain for estimating your so called 'dazed condition' in full, and curing it too.

 

"Oh, and you did win I hear. Three scorings against two was the final tally, my memory serving."

 

 

[Bouffon]

So, I gave this thing a pause for last season. Other than being somewhat busy, I didn't really like any of my attempts to work with the theme. But now I am in championship division and that requires some radical action, and what is more radical than world revolution? Let's try posters this time.

 

Quote

 

REVOLUTION!

 

For too long have greenskin oppressors held their claim on championship: three full seasons and untold numbers yet to come. For whose benefit is this? Greenskins! From whom is it away? Everyone! Even Orcs have nothing to gain from their continued greed as revolutionary overthrow of championship would usher in a new age! Age of Common Championship! This is why Vanguard Party (of World Revolution) announces that next stage of revolution will be reached after 9 match days (9 weeks) when its professional revolutionary soldiers will claim the grand OCC trophy from the cold, dead and green fingers of Orchish tyrant, AndyDavo.

 

How is this to be achieved? That is revolutionary secret only available to those initiated into the secrets of vanguardism!* But chairman-captain Lenin has authorised following quote from his most recent propaganda speech to be thus spread:

Quote

 

Supercharged you say? Won the last three championships you say? Yes, I answer! And no, I answer also, that is nothing!

 

Supercharged these Orcs may be, but only because the most recent revolutionary tribunal supercharged them. Yes, we held a trial with accused in absentia and no defence permitted, for there is no use in delaying justice. Final verdict of was death without mercy or pity as befits tyrants and violent maniacs. There you have your supercharged Orcs, supercharged to death!

 

And those three consecutive wins? What of them. Once we Vanguardists have seized the means of championship and estabelished the dictatorship of the circus peoples, we will revolutionise the bowling society wholly and categorically. History and forces that direct it are on our side! We are the people and people is us! When people win championship every season, three wins are nothing, for us will be the that honour not thrice or not even three times three but for all the time!

 

 

And always remember our motto: Aim to aid the downtrodden, come comrade to Circus Modern!

*Apply for membership in any of Vanguard Party's offices. One in every major city in Kislev (main office in Praag). Look for a circus tent. Only fit of body and quick of mind need to apply; revolutionary spirit optional but highly encouraged, will be given by agitprop if lacking.

 

 

[Bouffon]

Quote

PROCLAMATION TO ALL BOWLING CLASS PEOPLE

 

THE VANGUARD PARTY HAS RECEIVED THEIR CAPITAL-DICTATED SCHEDULE FOR THE SEASON, IT IS AS FOLLOWS

 

MD - Opposing Team

comments

(some fools vandalism of this propaganda poster)

 

1 - Bats are Back (of @Kjelstad)

Aritocractic team of 7 serfs to be freed from their cruel masters. But it is best not to look in their eyes too deeply, otherwise their reactionary tendencies overpower you and leave you uncomfortable. Match, like any revolution and counter recolution, will be swift: ball will change hands often and only history will know the inevitable winner that is the revolution. 

(Bats have a nice gimmick, but I think Kislev has a better one, at least when they come face to face)

 

2 - Golden City Geckos (of @Guuma)

Our old nemesis, the strange western mystic-lizards that are unable to embrace the natural evolution of society. They almost halted revolution's eternal progress last season and vanguardism demands its revenge. As neccessity has it, these enemies of all the peoples are to be softened up by the arch-reactionary orcs first.

(Lizards are one of the best teams, but rely on ST2 skinks a lot. With enough leaps and guards, sacking is rather easy...staying alive is another thing)

 

3 -  Raspel's Pontifices (of @raspel)

Another one like the last. These ones lost to the revolution last season and are undoubtedly itching for their revenge. Vanguard Party will hold fast and secure another supreme victory! In this the infighting of counterrevolutionary forces will also help us: claw-heavy corporative chaos and necromantic monstrosities of capital will weaken them before our coup de grace. And no amount of so called divine protection will help them!

(More of the same, details vary a bit, but I am fairly confident of a win)

 

4 - Orkestraded Demise (of @AndyDavo)

The great tzar of OCC itself, ready to be plunged into depths of despair by PEOPLE claiming their unjust throne (and making it just FYI). But orc-nemesis of all peoples is nothing if not strong and has to be beaten with cunning. Vanguar Party promises and hopes for no victory here, even if they are to meet orcs weakened by Nurgle worshippers.

(Yeah, too much guard in my opinion. Wizard, if I get one, might secure a win but more likely a draw or even a loss. Championship will be won by winning all the other teams)

 

5 - Birra del Borgo (of @Sampittu)

The most hated industrial overlords that refuse to share their advanced technologies with humanity. They are also known to kill any humans that say what here was just claimed. Survival will be Party's paramount aim, for if sufficient amount of Party survives, speed and ingenuity of human craftsmen of circus arts is bound to win.

(So much guard and ST4 and MB. Draw should be doable, but attempting a win is bidding in my teams lifes, I'll see how I go in depending on standing at the time)

 

6 -  Apex Predators (of @Rinjarni)

Ultimate killers by name and by reputation. Revolutionary aggressiveness, as always, will force them to play for ball rather than deaths of our brave vanguardists. Some will be lost, undoubtedly, but in grander scheme of their other 8 matches, this team is the revolution's best, if unwilling, ally.

(This will hurt, but I actually believe in my chances to win, assuming I get those usual lucky breaks)

 

7 - Elves of Elendil (of @Arwens Arrows)

Fair folk trying to prove their superiority when our fair Party is only trying to prove universal equality of all sentient races (except, perhaps, for snotlings). Assuming that no great counterrevolutionary upsurge has killed our Party by this point, our circus leaps and tricks should cancel all of their vaunted superior agility and grace.

(Kislev is anti-AG team. I should have high chances to win unless my team is wrecked or if those rather badly beated elves develop nicely during the season)

 

8 - Winter's Wolf (of @Gimlik)

Necromantic horrors that defy materialistic causality of everything! They are also a type of team that Vanguard Party has one of the worst records against, so there is practical and theorethical and methodical reason to anticipate the worst. But, perhaps, this long into the season violence inherent in the system has done them in while vanguardism working against said system still lives.

(What the propaganda-fluff said, I have bad record against necro teams and good coaches playing them make it even worse)

 

9 - Jump All Stars (of @RTSD)

The Nurgle cult that will haunt all revolution's enemies before finally turning against it, only proving that allying with lesser conservative forces is reactionary move or a mistake. Deaths will come, but at the end of the season they don't matter. Win at all costs, even against those horrid tentacles. Peace, bread and circuses for all!

(Nurgle is totally winnable but it always hurts. Good that this will be the last match of the season, if no the team)   

 

[Ratamo]

Quote

Heard they're reforming the Dawnguard. Vampire hunters or something, in the old fort near Riften. Might consider joining up myself.

 

Lead your komrades there and learn the art of vampire hunting. Power to the people!

 

Who would have tought Skyrim quotes work so well?

[Bouffon]

If I only could upvote that twice...

[Rymdkejsaren]

I used to be a Blood Bowl player, but then I took a flying goblin to the knee.

[Bouffon]

Newly leaked party memo has sparked everyone to talk about nothing but it. What a clever marketing strategy or, perhaps, lumpenproletariat leaking out top-secret revolutionary documents to aid reaction strike back. Who knows?

 

Quote

Vanguard Party has suffered a grave defeat against graveborn blood-sucking pre-capitalistic undead landowner classes. Our socioeconomic sciences have proven to be a failure against such a backwards phase of history and cultural thought. It is our working class honesty that allows us to admit our faults and so rectify them. Further theory on this subject will be distributed on some future date. Until then, remember the martyrs for our cause.

 

Our next opponent will be closer to our ideological nemesis, for latest developments in historical materialism agree on lizards being the ultimate (and oft-hidden) form of capitalism. This realisation will, when published, cause a great deal of comically meant tinfoil to be donated for our cause, but science of historical materialism is undeniable: EVERY MEMBER OF BOURGEOISIE IS A LIZARD BEHIND THEIR MASK! 

 

Knowing demon's, or lizard's in this case, secret name and face, they are at our mercy. And we will have none!